
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he whispered to the elderly priest in absentia. "It's been who
knows how long since my last confession."
Carlos kept his voice to a low murmur, battling for composure and using slow, deep inhalations and
exhalations to steady his voice as his thoughts raged. "I can't get Padre Lopez's death out of my mind. I'm
so sorry about that, I don't know what to say. They were seeking my essence, my vamp line… and
Lopez had it in him, as well as that… image of Juanita I'd poisoned him with, before I knew better."
Carlos swallowed hard.
"If I hadn't, then maybe… he was just a kid, really. They didn't come after Jose like that, so there had to
be a reason, a cause, a link with more juice than Jose had in him, so you can't tell me it wasn't my fault. I
got serious debt behind that. I know it. And they honed in on that foul shit, thought he might have been
me because of the heart chakra connection he and I shared, and they"—Carlos choked and he made the
sign of the cross over his chest—"they took his heart, man. How am I gonna live with that?"
A silence interrupted only by a slow drip from the sink faucet was his answer. Two huge tears rolled
down Carlos's cheeks, and he let them fall, splashing his thighs as he leaned forward with his face in his
hands. "Father Pat, I know you said it was fate, he had fulfilled his purpose without breaking his vows to
the Covenant, which was eminent, but how come that don't make me feel it's okay?"
Again, silence. It pounded in his ears and added to the ever-present throbbing headache he was
constantly nursing these days. Drawing a shaky breath, he pressed on with his complaint in the eerie
quiet, hoping Father Patrick would hear him in his mind and send a sign, something, anything, maybe a
little salvation for him to cling to.
"Everything is falling apart, Father. The team is in disarray. My claw of Heru ain't working no more than
Damali's stones can give up a charge so she can do a shift; none of our powers are stable, and our
reaction time is slow. Bad position for everybody to be in."
He breathed out hard and pulled his fingers through his hair as his voice faltered. "Father Pat, this is too
much shit going on at the same time with all the newbies to train when I ain't even ready for whatever
myself."
Carlos drew in another shuddering, ragged breath and let out a rushed exhalation of frustration. He took
his time, framing his next statement. There was something he had to get off his chest that he could never
tell another living soul, could never tell another man… but Father Patrick was somehow different, in a
different category than a Guardian brother, or a friend. But even sitting alone in the privacy of the
bathroom, which had been turned into his tiled confessional, just forming the words in his mind gave him a
chill. Saying it out loud would give it energy and reality, and then he wouldn't be able to tuck it neatly
away and ignore it. It had gnawed away at his brain so long that it nearly bled. He had to get it out.
"Father Pat," he whispered, his voice barely audible to his own ears. "I'm scared, man. I can't lead this
team. What if I fail? What if I really fuck it up this time and get somebody else killed? My powers ain't
fully back, been dwindling since the battle in Philly."
The words had come out in a panicked rush of emotion. A repressed sob held back more of the truth
for a moment as Carlos began rocking and speaking to the cold bathroom floor. "I know this ain't your
department, but, even with my woman… you know what I'm saying… things ain't right." He clutched his
hands together as his forearms rested on his thighs, studying the blurring mortar between the tiles.
I can't sync up with her, he murmured within his mind, unable to verbalize this deeply personal pain. "I
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