The government wanted everyone in my class to have
a physical examination. They gave me the forms and I
drove up to Euclid over a weekend to see the closest
thing we had to a family doctor, to have him complete
them. When I sat down in his waiting room, I picked
up a copy of Life and began looking through it. Partway
along, I came upon a photospread dealing with the death
of the racing driver Wolfgang von Tripps. Something
clicked as soon as I saw it, and just then the doctor called
me in for the checkup. While I was breathing for him
and coughing and faking knee jerks and so forth, I saw
the entire incident that was to be this short short. I could
have written it right then. My typewriter was in Dayton,
though, and I'd the long drive ahead of me. The story
just boiled somewhere at the back of my mind on the
way down, and when I reached my apartment I headed
straight for the typewriter and wrote it through. I even
walked three blocks to a mailbox in the middle of the
night, to get it sent right away.
Cele's letter of acceptance was dated March 28, almost
a month after I'd begun writing. Strangely, the day that
it arrived I had gotten the idea for what was to be my
next sale ("Horseman!", Fantastic Stories, August, 1962).
I returned the contracts on "Passion Play" and followed
them with "Horseman!" 1 sold fifteen other stories that
year. I was on my way.
6 THE LAST DEFENDER OF CAMELOT
I cannot really say whether I owe it to that resolution
I made on reviewing my rejects, but it felt as if I did and
I have always tried to keep the promise I made that day
about not insulting the reader's intelligence.
Another factor did come into operation after I sold
this story. It is a subtle phenomenon which can only be
experienced. I suddenly felt like a writer. "Confidence"
is a cheap word for it, but I can't think of a better one.
That seems the next phase in toughening one's writing—
a kind of cockiness, an "I've done it before" attitude. This
feeling seems to feed something back into the act of compo-
sition itself, providing more than simple assurance. Actual
changes in approach, structure, style, tone, began to occur
for me almost of their own accord. Noting this, I began
to do it intentionally. I made a list of all the things I
wanted to know how to handle and began writing them
into my stories. This is because I felt that when you
reach a certain point as a writer, there are two ways you
can go. Having achieved an acceptable level of compe-
tence you can keep producing at that level for the rest
of your life, quite possibly doing some very good work.
Or you can keep trying to identify your weaknesses, and
then do something about them. Either way, you should
grow as a writer—but Ihe second way is a bit more
difficult, because it is always easier to write around a
weakness than to work with it, work from it, work through
it. It takes longer, if nothing else. And you may fall on
your face. But you might learn something you would not
have known otherwise and be better as a result.
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