
But he was a boy, he was curious; and while he would welcome death, while
he meant to welcome it, come, sweet Death, embrace me, he was very afraid
of water.
His hands came back to the keys and played upon them, a silent music, a
song of summoning. Death could surely wait a day, two days. So could the
river. It was going nowhere; he'd be back.
-------------------
And so the train, trains, taking him slow and dirty into the north country.
Soon he could be anonymous, no name to him, just a lad too young to have
been in the war, though he was old enough now. That was odd, to have people
look at him and not know him. To have them sit just across the compartment
and not shift their feet away from his, not lour or sniff or turn a cold,
contemptuous, ostentatious shoulder.
One woman even tried to mother him, poor fool: not knowing what a mother
meant to him, bare feet knocking at his eyeballs, knocking and knocking,
knock knock. He was cold himself then, he was savage, gave her more reason
than most had to disdain him, though still she wouldn't do it.
And at last there were sullen moors turned purple with the season, there
was a quiet station with a single taxi waiting and the locals hanging back,
no, lad, you take it, it's only a ten-minute walk into the town for us and
we know it well, it's no hardship.
He wouldn't do that, though. Their kindness was inappropriate, born of
ignorance that he refused to exploit; and he had no need of it in any case.
It was after six o'clock, too late to call on the solicitor, and he didn't
plan to seek lodgings in town. His name was uncommon, and might be
recognised. Too proud to hide behind a false one, he preferred to sleep in
his blanket roll under whatever shelter he could find and so preserve this
unaccustomed anonymity at least for the short time he was here.
-------------------
Leaving the station and turning away from the town, he walked past a farm
where vociferous dogs discouraged him from stopping; and was passed in his
turn by a motor car, the driver pausing briefly to call down to him, to
offer him a ride to the next village. He refused as courteously as he knew
how, and left the road at the next stile.
Rising, the path degenerated quickly into a sheep-track between boulders,
and seemed to be taking him further and further from any hope of shelter.
He persevered, however, content to sleep with the stars if it meant he
could avoid company and questions. Whenever the path disappeared into bog,
he forced his way through heather or bracken until he found another; and at
last he came over the top of that valley's wall, and looked down into an
unexpected wood.
He'd not seen a tree since the train, and here there were spruce and larch
below him, oak and ash and others, secret and undisturbed. And a path too,
a clear and unequivocal path, discovered just in time as the light faded.
He followed the path into the wood, but not to its heart. He was tired and
thirsty, and he came soon to a brook where he could lie on his stomach and
draw water with his hands, fearing nothing and wanting nothing but to stay,
to move no more tonight.