
'I remember it now as I remember dreams . . .'
The raft drifted slowly on the sluggish tide, its single occupant curled up on
the rough wooden planks. Water slopped lazily around him, and the parts of his
clothing that were not sodden were encrusted with salt. His matted hair was
stiff with the same gritty substance; even his eyelashes were rimmed with
white, as if too many tears had evaporated there.
His eyes were open but glazed - not blind, but unseeing. He twitched
sometimes, like a sleeping dog when it dreams of chasing rabbits, but
otherwise he lay still. Whatever life he still possessed lay hidden deep
within his crumpled frame, behind the dwindling fire of tiiose pale,
diamond-fever eyes.
Lamplight bent and twisted around him. He was floating, swimming in darkness,
surrounded by an ancient loneliness. There was a star burning. Released, he
fell upwards, landing awkwardly on the roof of the cave. A bird perched next
to him. What's going on? Spiral winds carried her voice away, and a vast
roaring deafened him as the darkness shifted.
Two skies, two mountains. The Dark Moon swallowing the sun, the winged
huntress devouring her prey. A sword raised. More ghosts. Brother?
I was waiting to be born.
The star-maze glowed, beckoning. Hurry. Hurry!
The reason for haste eluded him. A circle has no end.
Terrel could no longer tell when he was dreaming or when he was awake. Both
worlds seemed equally bizarre. Occasionally, something - usually a spasm of
pain -reminded him that he must still be alive, but even that seemed doubtful
now. Surely there were no animals of such gigantic size in his world. They
towered over him, moving with a regular swaying rhythm that was both hypnotic
and vaguely menacing. He could feel their eyes fixed upon him. The creatures
were colourless for the most part, their skin hard and grey-looking, almost as
if they were made from stone. But no rock could ever have contorted itself
into such varied and fantastical shapes — it could not move, as these
monstrous presences did. Rock did not grow patches of green fur or hair, nor
did it whisper with the echoing voices of a gulping, hissing
tongue. He had tried to listen to what they were saying, but he could make no
sense of their wordless murmuring.
At least now there was something to see and hear. Until the animals came he
had been alone for what seemed like a lifetime, riding on the waves of magic
with only the sky above him and the sea below. Blue upon blue, striped with
the reflections of the sun and moons, blinding glitter and heat balanced by
the cold stars and the Amber, Red and White. He had been aware of the Dark
Moon too, though he could not see it. He felt the invisible pull of the
sky-shadow, and knew that its blind face would look down upon him at the
moment of his death.
In his isolation, Terrel had peopled his world with ghosts — even with those
whom he knew, or hoped, were still alive. They had all come eventually,
friends and foes alike, all except one. Dreaming or awake, Alyssa's face
eluded his thoughts and visions, even though he heard her voice sometimes or
saw her spirit encased in other forms. Of all the cruelties he had to bear,
that was the worst.
The dragging ache in his twisted limbs was something he had coped with all his
life, but now it seemed irrelevant, unnoticed amid other torments of body and
mind. He could hardly move the fingers of even his good hand without the
muscles cramping and every joint being lanced by pain. His breath rattled in
his lungs and he felt nauseous almost all the time, even though his stomach
was empty. His lips were bloated and cracked, and his tongue was now like a
dry clump of rough leather, so swollen that he could only just prise it away
from the roof of his mouth. Thirst raged within him, although he only
occasionally recognized it for what it was. For the rest, it was just one more
helpless yearning among all the others.
His meagre supply of fresh water had run out several days ago, and now — in a
rare lucid moment - his fluttering gaze fell upon the empty bottle, and he