
T
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5
If, in fact I have such a mean streak. A recent posting about my working with director David Twohy on a
feature film version of my Demon With a Glass Hand brought forth a small hyenapack of dullards who
had never met me, yet felt it incumbent on themselves to point out that I’m (in their choice of words)
“Arrogant.” To which I would respond in the words of the late great Oscar Levant: “I’m no more humble
than my enormous talents require.”
I was raised polite by my mother and father, but I confess to a very low bullshit threshold for
careless cruelty, rudeness, arrant stupidity, evidence of meanspiritedness, obscurantism and doltish
acceptance of sophomoric beliefs (such as UFOs, crop circles, remembered instances of child abuse
elicited under hypnosis, most uses of God as an explanation for having caught a good pass and running
BO-yards upfield for a touchdown, yeti sightings, the chihuahua in the microwave, the internet as the icon
of a new paradigm shift in human activity, and the suggestion that George W. Bush is anything but an
empty suit galvanically mobile via prayers from the Religious Right).
I suppose if I’m brusque, if I’m abrupt if I growl and suffer fools not at all it is because, if you
poke a sharp stick through the cage of the funny animal for six days, on the seventh day that funny animal
is likely to bend apart the bars, leap out of the cage, rip off your left arm, and use it up your ass to make a
Schmucksicle of you.
And so, and quite properly, the affronted reader who has read and swallowed whole the postings
of my far-acknowledged “arrogance” will quite properly, demand to know by what right I lay claim to the
metaphor of stick-pokened animal. What the affronted reader will demand, produces in you this
psychotic, sniveling, self-serving and undocumented belief that The World is Out To Get you? Proof, we
demand, a little proof here!
Well, geezus, folks, even Dr. Richard Kimble had real enemies. Cut me some slack here,
whaddaya think?
Okay, so here’s a bone for you.
I was having a phone conversation the other day with Bob Silverberg, he up in Oakland, just back
from Turkey, and I in Los Angeles, just back from the bathroom; and I told him about something that had
just come to my attention that had transpired ‘way back in 1956, that I had known nothing about till a
couple of months ago—a thing I’ll detail in a moment, be patient—and Bob made the point that even
back in 1956—my first full year as a professional writer—that I was already a universal joke to the
science fiction pros who were in their prime and dominating the genre. Bob recalled (in his most
charming if-you-got-him-for-a-friend-you-need-never-indulge-in-self-abuse manner) something of which
I had not the tiniest memory...a reminiscence Bob was able to recount in some detail, of a party that I’d
held at my apartment in New York City soon after my first marriage—1956, at 150 West 82nd Street—
attended by all the great and the near-great (including C.M. Kornbluth, and I don’t know how I could’ve
forgotten that) and how “ upset” Bob says he was, how he went back to our former co-domicile at 611
West 114th Street, “upset” at how all these great stars of scientifiction had come to my home, had eaten
my food, had drunk the wine, and had stood around in groups making fun of what an ass and no-talent I
was.
Apparently, blissfully, I’d drowned that memory. Can’t thank Bob enough for reminding me that
I was an object of ridicule as he put it, “up until you wrote “‘Repent, Harlequin!” Said the Ticktockman’.”
But it got me to thinking about howl came to wear the persona I shrug into every day, a Harlan
Ellison that seems to fit well enough, maybe a little loose under the arms, maybe a little too tight in the
butt, maybe a tot more impatience than one who wishes to be judged sane should manifest. Maybe alla
that. And I wondered if my ongoing paranoia about all the Malevolent Forces arrayed against sweet li’l
ole me might just be reason enough for those gibbering bottom-feeders on the web to assess me correctly
as “ arrogant” and, well, dare I say it...cranky?
So here’s the bone.
This a page reproduced from the June 1956 issue of Writer’s Digest. I never saw it at the time. It
was sent to me just a few months ago, September 2000, by a fellow member of the Writers Guild of
America, West. A casual acquaintance, but one who thought, out of kindness, that I might be able to use a