Neal Stephenson - Snowcrash

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ROC

Publishedby the Penguin Group

Penguin Books Ltd, 27 Wrights Lane, London W8 5TZ, England

Penguin Books USA Inc.. 375 Hudson Street. New York, New York 10014, USA

Penguin Books Australia Ltd, Ringwood, Victoria, Australia

Penguin Books Canada Ltd. 10 Alcorn Avenue, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4V 3B2

Penguin Books (NZ) Lid, 182-190 Wair.iu Road. Auckland 10, New Zealand

Penguin Books Ltd. Registered Offices: Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England

First published in the USA by Bantam Books, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell

Published Group. inc. 1992

First published in Great Britain by Roc 1993

7 9 10 8 6

(iratefui acknowledgement is made for permission to reprint a drawing from

The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind by Julian Jaynes.

Roe is a trademark of Penguin Books Ltd.

Printed in England by Clays Ltd. St ives plc

Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject

to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent,

re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's

prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in

which it is published and without a similar condition including this

condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

snow n... 2.a. Anything resembling snow. b. The white specks on a television screen resulting from

weak reception.

crashv.., .-infr.. . . 5, To fail suddenly,as abusiness or an economy.

-The Amencan I-Ientizge Dictionary

virus.. . . [L. virus slimy liquid, poison, offensive odour or taste.] 1. Venom, such as is

emitted by a poisonous animal. 2. Path. a. A morbid principle or poisonous substance produced in

the body as the result of some disease, esp. one capable of being introduced into other persons or

animals by inoculations or otherwise and of developing the same disease in them.. . . 3. fIg. A

moral or intellectual poison, or poisonous influence.

-The Oxford English Dictionary

The Deliverator belongs to an elite order, a hallowed subcategory. He's got esprit up to here.

Right now, he is preparing to carry out his third mission of the night. His uniform is black as

activated charcoal, filtering the very light out of the air. A bullet will bounce off its

arachnofiber weave like a wren hitting a patio door, but excess perspiration wafts through it like

a breeze through a freshly napalmed forest, Where his body has bony extremities, the suit has

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sintered armorgel: feels like gritty jello, protects like a stack of telephone books.

When they gave him the job, they gave him a gun. The Dcliverator never deals in cash, but someone

might come after him anyway-might want his car, or his cargo. The gun is tiny, acm-

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styled, lightweight, the kind of gun a fashion designer would carry; it fires teensy darts that

fly at five times the velocity of an SR-71 spy plane, and when you get done using it, you have to

plug it into the cigarette lighter, because it runs on electricity.

The Deiverator never pulled that gun in anger, or in fear. He pulled it once in Gila Highlands.

Some punks in Gila Highlands, a fancy Burbclave, wanted themselves a delivery, and they didn't

want to pay for it. Thought they would impress the Deliverator with a baseball bat. The Deiverator

took out his gun, centered its laser doohickey on that poised Louisville Slugger, fired it. The

recoil was immense, as though the weapon had blown up in his hand. The middle third of the

baseball bat turned into a column of burning sawdust accelerating in all directions like a

bursting star. Punk ended up holding this bat handle with milky smoke pouring out the end. Stupid

look on his face. Didn't get nothing but trouble from the Deiverator.

Since then the Deliverator has kept the gun in the glove compartment and relied, instead, on a

matched set of samurai swords, which have always been his weapon of choice anyhow. The punks in

Gila Highlands weren't afraid of the gun, so the Dcliverator was forced to use it. But swords need

no demonstrations.

The Deliverator's car has enough potential energy packed into its batteries to fire a pound of

bacon into the Asteroid Belt. Unlike a bimbo box or a Burb beater, the Deliverator's car unloads

that power through gaping, gleaming, polished sphincters. When the Deliverator puts the hammer

down, shit happens. You want to talk contact patches? Your car's tires have tiny contact patches,

talk to the asphalt in four places the size of your tongue. The Deiverator's car has big sticky

tires with contact patches the size of a fat lady's thighs. The Deliverator is in touch with the

road, starts like a bad day, stops on a peseta.

Why is the Deliverator so equipped? Because people rely on him. He is a roll model. This is

America. People do whatever the fuck they feel like doing, you got a problem with that? Because

they have a right to. And because they have guns and no one can fucking stop them. As a result,

this country has one of the worst economies in the world. When it gets down to it-talking trade

balances here-once we've brain-drained all our technology into other countries, once things have

evened out, they're making

NEAL STEPHENSON

cars in Bolivia and microwave ovens in Tadzhikistan and selling them here-once our edge in natural

resources has been made irrelevant by giant Hong Kong ships and dirigibles that can ship North

Dakota all the way to New Zealand for a nickel-once the Invisible Hand has taken all those

historical inequities and smeared them out into a broad global layer of what a Pakistani

brickmaker would consider to be prosperity-y'know what? There's only four things we do better than

anyone else

music

movies

microcode (software)

high-speed pizza delivery

The Deiverator used to make software. Still does, sometimes. But if life were a mellow elementary

school run by well-meaning education Ph.D.s, the Deliverator's report card would say: "Hiro is so

bright and creative but needs to work harder on his cooperation skills."

So now he has this other job. No brightness or creativity involved-but no cooperation either. Just

a single principle: The Deliverator stands tall, your pie in thirty minutes or you can have it

free, shoot the driver, take his car, file a class-action suit. The Deliverator has been working

this job for six months, a rich and lengthy tenure by his standards, and has never delivered a

pizza in more than twenty-one minutes.

Oh, they used to argue over times, many corporate driver-years lost to it: homeowners, red.faced

and sweaty with their own lies, stinking of Old Spice and job-related stress, standing in their

glowing yellow doorways brandishing their Seikos and waving at the clock over the kitchen sink, I

swear, can't you guys tell time?

Didn't happen anymore. Pizza delivery a major industry. A managed industry. People went to

CosaNostra Pizza University four years just to learn it. Came in its doors unable to write an

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English sentence, from Abkhazia, Rwanda, Guanajuato, South Jersey, and came out knowing more about

pizza than a Bedouin knows about sand. And they had studied this problem. Graphed the frequency of

doorway delivery-time disputes. Wired the early Deliverators to record, then analyze, the debating

tactics, the

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voice-stress histograms, the distinctive grammatical structures employed by white middle-class

Type A Burbclave occupants who against all logic had decided that this was the place to take their

personal Custerian stand against all that was stale and deadening in their lives: they were going

to lie, or delude themselves, about the time of their phone call and get themselves a free pizza;

no, they deserved a free pizza along with their life, liberty, and pursuit of whatever, it was

fucking inalienable. Sent psychologists out to these people's houses, gave them a free TV set to

submit to an anonymous interview, hooked them to polygraphs, studied their brain waves as they

showed them choppy, inexplicable movies of porn queens and late-night car crashes and Sammy Davis,

Jr., put them in sweet-smelling, mauve-walled rooms and asked them questions about Ethics so

perplexing that even a Jesuit couldn't respond without committing a venial sin.

The analysts at CosaNostra Pizza University concluded that it was just human nature and you

couldn't fix it, and so they went for a quick cheap technical fix: smart boxes. The pizza box is a

plastic carapace now, corrugated for stiffness, a little LED readout glowing on the side, telling

the Deiverator how many trade imbalance-producing minutes have ticked away since the fateful phone

call. There are chips and stuff in there. The pizzas rest, a short stack of them, in slots behind

the Deliverator's head. Each pizza glides into a slot like a circuit board into a computer, clicks

into place as the smart box interfaces with the onboard system of the Deliverator's car. The

address of the caller has already been inferred from his phone number and poured into the smart

box's built-in RAM. From there it is communicated to the car, which computes and projects the

optimal route on a heads-up display, a glowing colored map traced out against the windshield so

that the Deiverator does not even have to glance down.

If the thirty.minute deadline expires, news of the disaster is flashed to CosaNostra Pizza

Headquarters and relayed from there to Uncle Enzo himself-the Sicilian Colonel Sanders, the Andy

Griffith of Bensorihurst, the straight razor-swinging figment of many a Deliverator's nightmares,

the Capo and prime figurehead of CosaNostra Pizza, Incorporated__who will be on the phone to the

customer within five minutes, apologizing profusely. The next day, Uncle Enzo will land on the

customer's

NEAL STEPHENSON

yard in a jet helicopter and apologize some more and give him a free trip to Italy-all he has to

do is sign a bunch of releases that make him a public figure and spokesperson for CosaNostra Pizza

and basically end his private life as he knows it. He will come away from the whole thing feeling

that, somehow, be owes the Mafia a favor.

The Deliverator does not know for sure what happens to the driver in such cases, but he has heard

some rumors. Most pizza deliveries happen in the evening hours, which Uncle Enzo considers to be

his private time. And how would you feel if you bad to interrupt dinner with your family in order

to call some obstreperous dork in a Burbclave and grovel fora late fucking pizza? Uncle Enzo has

not put in fifty years serving his family and his country so that, at the age when most are

playing golf and bobbling their granddaughters, he can get out of the bathtub dripping wet and lie

down and kiss the feet of some sixteen-year-old skate punk whose pepperoni was thirty-one minutes

in coming. Oh, God. It makes the Deliverator breathe a little shallower just to think of the idea.

But he wouldn't drive for CosaNostra Pizza any other way.

You know why? Because there's something about having your life on the line. It's like being a

kamikaze pilot. Your mind is clear. Other people-store clerks, burger flippers, software

engineers, the whole vocabulary of meaningless jobs that make up Life in America-other people just

rely on plain old competition. Better ifip your burgers or debug your subroutines faster and

better than your high school classmate two blocks down the strip is flipping or debugging, because

we're in competition with those guys, and people notice these things.

What a fucking rat race that is. CosaNostra Pizza doesn't have any competition. Competition goes

against the Mafia ethic. You don't work harder because you're competing against some identical

operation down the street. You work harder because everything is on the line. Your name, your

honor, your family, your life. Those burger flippers might have a better life expectancy- but what

kind of life is it anyway, you have to ask yourself. That's why nobody, not even the Nipponese,

can move pizzas faster than CosaNostra. The Deliverator is proud to wear the uniform, proud to

drive the car, proud to march up the front walks of

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innumerable Burbclave homes, a grim vision in ninja black, a pizza on his shoulder, red LED digits

blazing proud numbers into the night: 12:32 or 15:15 or the occasional 20:43.

The Deliverator is assigned to CosaNostra Pizza #3569 in the Valley. Southern California doesn't

know whether to bustle or just strangle itself on the spot. Not enough roads for the number of

people. Fairlanes, Inc. is laying new ones all the time. Have to bulldoze lots of neighborhoods to

do it, but those seventies and eighties developments exist to be bulldozed, right? No sidewalks,

no schools, no nothing. Don't have their own police force-no immigration control-undesirables can

walk right in without being frisked or even harassed. Now a Burbclave, that's the place to live. A

city-state with its own constitution, a border, laws, cops, everything.

The Deliverator was a corporal in the Farms of Merryvale State Security Force for a while once.

Cot himself fired for pulling a sword on an acknowledged perp. Slid it right through the fabric of

the perp's shirt, gliding the flat of the blade along the base of his neck, and pinned him to a

warped and bubbled expanse of vinyl siding on the wall of the house that the perp was trying to

break into. Thought it was a pretty righteous bust. But they fired him anyway because the perp

turned out to be the son of the vice-chancellor of the Farms of Merryvale. Oh, the weasels had an

excuse: said that a thirty-six.inch samurai sword was not on their Weapons Protocol. Said that he

had violated the SPAC, the Suspected Perpetrator Apprehension Code. Said that the perp had

suffered psychological trauma. He was afraid of butter knives now; he had to spread his jelly with

the back of a teaspoon. They said that he bad exposed them to liability.

The Deiverator had to borrow some money to pay for it. Had to borrow it from the Mafia, in fact.

So he's in their database now-retinal patterns, DNA, voice graph, fingerprints, footprints, palm

prints, wrist prints, every flicking part of the body that had wrinkles on it-almost-those

bastards rolled in ink and made a print and digitized it into their computer. But it's their money-

sure they're careful about loaning it out. And when he applied for the Deliverator job they were

happy to take him, because they knew him. When he got the loan, he had to deal

NEAL STEPHENSON

personally with the assistant vice-capo of the Valley, who later recommended him for the

Deliverator job. So it was like being in a family. A really scary, twisted, abusive family.

CosaNostra Pizza #3569 is on Vista Road just down from Kings Park Mall. Vista Road used to belong

to the State of California and now is called Fairlanes, Inc. Rte. CSV-5. Its main competition used

to be a U.S. highway and is now called Cruise- ways, Inc Rte. Cal-12. Farther up the Valley, the

two competing highways actually cross. Once there had been bitter disputes, the intersection

closed by sporadic sniper fire. Finally, a big developer bought the entire intersection and turned

it into a drive~through mall. Now the roads just feed into a parking system-not a lot, not a ramp,

but a system-and lose their identity. Getting through the intersection involves tracing paths

through the parking system, many braided filaments of direction like the Ho Chi Minh trail. CSV-5

has better throughput, but Cal.12 has better pavement. That is typical-Fairlanes roads emphasize

getting you there, for Type A drivers, and Cruiseways emphasize the enjoyment of the ride, for

Type B drivers.

The Deliverator is a Type A driver with rabies. He is zeroing in on his home base, CosaNostra

Pizza #3569, cranking up the left lane of CSV-5 at a hundred and twenty kilometers. His car is an

invisible black lozenge, just a dark place that reflects the bin-nd of franchise signs-the loglo.

A row of orange lights burbies and churns across the front, where the grille would be if this were

an air-breathing car. The orange light looks like a gasoline fire. It comes in through people's

rear windows, bounces off their rearview mirrors, projects a fiery mask across their eyes, reaches

into their subconscious, and unearths terrible fears of being pinned, fully conscious, under a

detonating gas tank, makes them want to pull over and let the Deiverator overtake them in his

black chariot of pepperoni fire.

The loglo, overhead, marking out CSV-5 in twin contrails, is a body of electrical light made of

innumerable cells, each cell designed in Manhattan by imageers who make more for designing a

single logo than a Deliverator will make in his entire lifetime. Despite their efforts to stand

out, they all smear together, especially at a hundred and twenty kilometers per hour. Still, it is

easy

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to see CosaNostra Pizza #3569 because of the billboard, which is wide and tall even by current

inflated standards. In fact, the squat franchise itself looks like nothing more than a low-slung

base for the great aramid fiber pillars that thrust the billboard up into the trademark firmament.

Marca Registrada, baby.

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The billboard is a classic, a chestnut, not a figment of some fleeting Mafia promotional campaign.

It is a statement, a monument built to endure. Simple and dignified. It shows Uncle Enzo in one of

his spiffy Italian suits. The pinstripes glint and flex like sinews. The pocket square is

luminous. His hair is perfect, slicked back with something that never comes off, each strand cut

off st.raight and square at the end by Uncle Enzo's cousin, Art the Barber, who runs the second-

largest chain of low-end haircutting establishments in the world. Uncle Enzo is standing there,

not exactly smiling, an avuncular glint in his eye for sure, not posing like a model but standing

there like your uncle would, and it says

The Mafia

you've got a friend in The Family!

paid for by the Our Thing Foundation

The bifiboard serves as the Deliverator's polestar. He knows that when he gets to the place on CSV-

5 where the bottom corner of the billboard is obscured by the pseudo-Gothic stained-glass arches

of the local Reverend Wayne's Pearly Gates franchise, it's time for him to get over into the right

lanes where the retards and the bimbo boxes poke along, random, indecisive, looking at each

passing franchise's driveway like they don't know if it's a promise or a threat.

He cuts off a bimbo box-a family minivan-veers past the Buy 'n' Fly that is next door, and pulls

into CosaNostra Pizza #3569. Those big fat contact patches complain, squeal a little bit, but they

hold on to the patented Fairlanes, Inc. high-traction pavement and guide him into the chute. No

other Deliverators are waiting in the chute. That is good, that means high turnover for him, fast

action, keep moving that 'za. As he scrunches to a stop, the electromechanical hatch on the flank

of his car is already opening to reveal his empty pizza slots, the door clicking

NEAL STEPHENSON

and folding back in on itself like the wing of a beetle. The slots are waiting. Waiting for hot

pizza.

And waiting. The Deiverator honks his horn. This is not a nominal outcome.

Window slides open. That should never happen. You can look at the three-ring binder from

CosaNostra Pizza University, cross-reference the citation for window, chute, dispatcher's, and it

will give you all the procedures for that window-and it should never be opened. Unless something

has gone wrong.

The window slides open and-you sitting down?-smoke comes out of it. The Deliverator hears a

discordant beetling over the metal hurricane of his sound system and realizes that it is a smoke

alarm, coming from inside the franchise.

Mute button on the stereo. Oppressive silence-his eardrums uncringe-the window is buzzing with the

cry of the smoke alarm. The car idles, waiting. The hatch has been open too long, atmospheric

pollutants are congealing on the electrical contacts in the back of the pizza slots, he'll have to

clean them ahead of schedule, everything is going exactly the way it shouldn't go in the three-

ring binder that spells out all the rhythms of the pizza universe.

Inside, a football-shaped Abkhazian man is running to and fro, holding a three-ring binder open,

using his spare tire as a ledge to keep it from collapsing shut; he runs with the gait of a man

carrying an egg on a spoon. He is shouting in the Abkhazian dialect; all the people who run

CosaNostra pizza franchises in this part of the Valley are Abkhazian immigrants.

It does not look like a serious fire. The Deliverator saw a real fire once, at the Farms of Men-

yvale, and you couldn't see anything for the smoke. That's all it was: smoke, burbling out of

nowhere, occasional flashes of orange light down at the bottom, like heat lightning in tall

clouds. This is not that kind of fire. It is the kind of fire that just barely puts out enough

smoke to detonate the smoke alarms. And he is losing time for this shit.

The Deliverator holds the horn button down. The Abkhazian manager comes to the window. He is

supposed to use the intercom to talk to drivers, he could say anything he wanted and it would be

piped straight into the Deiverator's car, but no, he has

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to talk face to face, like the Deiverator is some kind of fucking ox cart driver. He is red-faced,

sweating, his eyes roll as he tries to think of the English words.

4dA fire, a little one," he says.

The Deliverator says nothing. Because he knows that all of this is going onto videotape. The tape

is being pipelined, as it happens, to CosaNostra Pizza University, where it will be arialyzed in a

pizza management science laboratory. It will be shown to Pizza University students, perhaps to the

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very students who will replace this man when he gets fired, as a textbook example of how to screw

up your life.

"New employee-put his dinner in the microwave-had foil in it-boom!" the manager says.

Abkhazia had been part of the Soviet fucking Union. A new immigrant from Abkhazia trying to

operate a microwave was like a deep-sea tube worm doing brain surgery. Where did they get these

guys? Weren't there any Americans who could bake a fucking pizza?

"Just give me one pie," the Deiverator says.

Talldng about pies snaps the guy into the current century. He gets a grip. He slams the window

shut, strangling the relentless keening of the smoke alarm.

A Nipponese robot arm shoves the pizza out and into the top slot. The hatch folds shut to protect

it.

As the Deiverator is pulling out of the chute, building up speed, checking the address that is

flashed across his windshield, deciding whether to turn right or left, it happens. His stereo cuts

out again-on command of the onboard system. The cockpit lights gored. Red~ A repetitive buzzer

begins to sound. The LED readout on his windshield, which echoes the one on the pizza box, flashes

up: 20:00.

They have just given the Deliverator a twenty-minute-old pizza. He checks the address; it is

twelve miles away.

The Deliverator lets out an involuntary roar and puts the hammer down. His emotions tell him to go

back and kill that manager, get his swords out of the trunk, dive in through the little sliding

window like a ninja, track him down through the moiling chaos of the microwaved franchise and

confront him in a climactic thick-crust apocalypse. But he thinks the same thing when someone cuts

him off on the freeway, and he's never done it-yet.

He can handle this. This is doable. He cranks up the orange warning lights to maximum brilliance,

puts his headlights on autoflash. He overrides the warning buzzer, jams the stereo over to

Taxiscan, which cruises all the taxi-driver frequencies listening for interesting traffic. Can't

understand a flicking word. You could buy tapes, learn-while-you-drive, and learn to speak

Taxilinga. It was essential, to get a job in that business. They said it was based on English but

not one word in a hundred was recognizable. Still, you could get an idea. If there was trouble on

this road, they'd be babbling about it in Taxilinga, give him some warning, let him take an

alternate route so he wouldn't get

he grips the wheel

stuck in tTdffiC

his eyes get big, he can feel the pressure driving them back into his skull

or caught behind a mobile home

his bladder is very full and deliver the pizza

Oh, Cod oh, God

late

22:06 hangs on the windshield, all he can see, all he can think about is 30:01.

The taxi drivers are buzzing about something. Taxilinga is mellifluous babble with a few harsh

foreign sounds, like butter spiced with broken glass. He keeps hearing "fare." They are always

iabbering about their fucking fares. Big deal. What hap-pens if you deliver your fare

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late

you don't get as much of a tip? Big deal.

Big slowdown at the intersection of CSV-5 and Oahu Road, per usual, only way to avoid it is to cut

through The Mews at Windsor Heights.

TMAWFIs all have the same layout. When creating a new Burbclave, TMAWH Development Corporation

will chop down any mountain ranges and divert the course of any mighty rivers that threaten to

interrupt this street plan-ergonomically designed to encourage driving safety. A Deliverator can

go into a Mews at Windsor Heights anywhere from Fairbanks to Yaroslavl to the Shenzhen special

economic zone and find his way around.

But once you've delivered a pie to every single house in a TMAWH a few times, you get to know its

little secrets. The Deiverator is such a man. He knows that in a standard TMAWH there is only one

yard-one yard-that prevents you from driving straight in one entrance, across the Burbclave, and

out the other. If you are squeamish about driving on grass, it might take you ten minutes to

meander through TMAWH. But if you have the bails to lay tracks across that one yard, you have a

straight shot through the center.

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The Deliverator knows that yard. He has delivered pizzas there. He has looked at it, scoped it

out, memorized the location of the shed and the picnic table, can find them even in the dark-knows

that if it ever came to this, a twenty-three-minute pizza, miles to go, and a slowdown at CSV-5

and Oahu-he could enter The Mews at Windsor Heights (his electronic delivery-man's visa would

raise the gate automatically), scream down Heritage Boulevard, rip the turn onto Strawbridge Place

(ignoring the DEAD END sign and the speed limit and the CHILDREN PLAYING ideograms that are strung

so liberally throughout TMAWH), thrash the speed bumps with his mighty radials, blast up the

driveway of Number 15 Strawbridge Circle, cut a hard left around the backyard shed, careen into

the backyard of Number 84 Mayapple Place, avoid its picnic table (tricky), get into their driveway

and out onto Mayapple, which takes him to Bellewoode Valley Road, which runs straight to the exit

of the Burbclave. TMAWH security police might be waiting for him at the exit, but

NEAL STEPHENSON

their STDs, Severe Tire Damage devices, only point one way- they can keep people out, but not keep

them in.

This car can go so fucking fast that if a cop took a bite of a doughnut as the Deiverator was

entering Heritage Boulevard, he probably wouldn't be able to swallow it until about the time the

Deliverator was shrieking out onto Oahu.

Thunk. And more red lights come up on the windshield: the perimeter security of the Deliverator's

vehicle has been breached.

No. It can't be.

Someone is shadowing him. Right off his left flank. A person on a skateboard, rolling down the

highway right behind him, just as he is laying in his approach vectors to Heritage Boulevard.

The Deliverator, in his distracted state, has allowed himself to get pooned. As in harpooned. It

is a big round padded electromagnet on the end of an arachnofiber cable. It has just thunked onto

the back of the Deliverator's car, and stuck. Ten feet behind him, the owner of this cursed device

is surfing, taking him for a ride, skateboarding along like a water skier behind a boat.

In the rearview, flashes of orange and blue. The parasite is not just a punk out having a good

time. It is a businessman making money. The orange and blue coverall, bulging all over with

sintered armorgel padding, is the uniform of a Kourier. A Kourier from RadiKS, Radikal Kourier

Systems. Like a bicycle messenger, but a hundred times more irritating because they don't pedal

under their own power-They just latch on and slow you down.

Naturally. The Deliverator was in a hurry, flashing his-lights, squealing his contact patches. The

fastest thing on the road. Naturally, the Kourier would choose him to latch onto.

No need to get rattled. With the shortcut through TMAWH, he will have plenty of time. He passes a

slower car in the middle lane, then cuts right in front of him. The Kourier will have to unpoon or

else be slammed sideways into the slower vehicle.

Done. The Kourier isn't ten feet behind him anymore-he is right there, peering in the rear window.

Anticipating the maneuver, the Kourier reeled in his cord, which is attached to a handle with a

power reel in it, and is now right on top of the pizza

SNOW CRASH

mobile, the front wheel of his skateboard actually underneath the Deliverator's rear bumper.

An orange-and-blue-gloved hand reaches forward, a transparent sheet of plastic draped over it, and

slaps his driver's side window. The Deliverator has just been stickered. The sticker is a foot

across and reads, in big orange block letters, printed backward so that he can read it from the

inside.

THAT WAS STALE

He almost misses the turnoff for The Mews at Windsor Heights. He has to jam the brakes, let

traffic clear, cut across the curb lane to enter the Burbclave. The border post is well lighted,

the customs agents ready to frisk all comers-cavity-search them if they are the wrong kind of

people-but the gate flies open as if by magic as the security system senses that this isa

CosaNostra Pizza vehicle, just making a delivery, sir. And as he goes through, the Kourier-that

tick on his as9-waves to the border policel What a prick! Like he comes in here all the time!

He probably does come in here all the time. Picking up important shit for important TMAWH people,

delivering it to other FOQNEs, Franchise-Organized Quasi-National Entities, getting it through

customs. That's what Kouriers do. Still.

He's going too slow, lost all his momentum, his timing is off. Where's the Kourier? Ah, reeled out

some line, is following behind again. The Deliverator knows that this jerk is in for a big

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surprise. Can he stay on his fucking skateboard while he's being hauled over the flattened remains

of some kid's plastic tricycle at a hundred kilometers? We're going to find out.

The Kourier leans back-.the Deiverator can't help watching in the rearvjew-leans back like a water

skier, pushes off against his board, and swings around beside him, now traveling abreast with him

up Heritage Boulevard and slap another sticker goes up, this one on the windshield! It says

SMOOTH MOVE, EX-LAX

The Deiverator has heard of these stickers. It takes hours to get them off. Have to take the car

into a detailing place, pay

NEAL STEPHENSON

trillions of dollars. The Deiverator has two things on his agenda now: He is going to shake this

street scum, whatever it takes, and deliver the fucking pizza all in the space of

24:23

the next five minutes and thirty-seven seconds.

This is it-got to pay more attention to the road-he swings into the side street, no warning,

hoping maybe to whipsaw the Kourier into the street sign on the corner. Doesn't work. The smart

ones watch your front tires, they see when you're turning, can't surprise them. Down Strawbridge

Place! It seems so long, longer than he remembered-natural when you're in a hurry. Sees the glint

of cars up ahead, cars parked sideways to the road-these must be parked in the circle. And there's

the house. Light blue vinyl clapboard two-story with one-story garage to the side. He makes that

driveway the center of his universe, puts the Kourier out of his mind, tries not to think about

Uncle Enzo, what he's doing right now-in the bath, maybe, or taking a crap, or making love to some

actress, or teaching Sicilian songs to one of his twenty-six granddaughters.

The slope of the driveway slams his front suspension halfway up into the engine compartment, but

that's what suspensions are for. He evades the car in the driveway-rnust have visitors tonight,

didn't remember that these people drove a Lexus-cuts through the hedge, into the side yard, looks

for that shed, that shed he absolutely must not run into

it's not there, they took it down

next problem, the picnic table in the next yard

hang on, there's a fence, when did they put up a fence?

This is no time to put on the brakes. Got to build up some speed, knock it down without blowing

all this momentum. It's just a four-foot wooden thing,

The fence goes down easy, he loses maybe ten percent of his speed. But strangely, it looked like

an old fence, maybe he made a wrong turn somewhere-he realizes, as he catapults into an empty

backyard swimming pooL

SNOW CRASH

___________ If it had been full of water, that wouldn't have been so bad, maybe the car would have

been saved, he wouldn't owe CosaNostra Pizza a new car. But no, he does a Stuka into the far wall

of the pool, it sounds more like an explosion than a crash. The airbag inflates, comes back down a

second later like a curtain revealing the structure of his new life: he is stuck in a dead car in

an empty pool in a TMAWH, the sirens of the Burbclave's security police are approaching, and

there's a pizza behind his head, resting there like the blade of a guillotine, with 25:17 on it.

"Where's it going?" someone says. A woman.

He looks up through the distorted frame of the window, now rimmed with a fractal pattern of

crystallized safety glass. It is the Kourier talking to him. The Kourier is not a man, it is a

young woman. A fucking teenaged girL She is pristine, unhurt. She has skated right down into the

pool, she's now oscillating back and forth from one side of the pool to the other, skating up one

bank, almost to the lip, turning around, skating down and across and up the opposite side. She is

holding her poon in her right hand, the electromagnet reeled up against the handle so it looks

like some kind of a strange wide-angle intergalactic death ray. Her chest glitters like a

general's with a hundred little ribbons and medals, except each rectangle is not a ribbon, it is a

bar code. A bar code with an ID number that gets her into a different business, highway, or FOQNE.

1'Yor she says. "Where's the pizza going?"

He's going to die and she's gamboling.

"White Columns. 5 Oglethorpe Circle," he says.

"I can do that. Open the hatch."

His heart expands to twice its normal size. Tears come to his eyes. He may live. He presses a

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button and the hatch opens.

On her next orbit across the bottom of the pool, the Kouner yanks the pizza out of its slot. The

Deliverator winces, imagining the garlicky topping accordioning into the back wall of the box.

Then she puts it sideways under her arm. It's more than a Deliverator can stand to watch.

But she'll get it there. Uncle Enzo doesn't have to apologize for ugly, ruined, cold pizzas, just

late ones.

"Hey," he says, "take this."

The Deliverator sticks his black-clad arm out the shattered

NEAL STEPHENSON

window. A white rectangle glows in the dim backyard light a business card. The Kourier snatches it

from him on her next orbit, reads it. It says

Hiro Protagonist

Last of the Freelance Hackers

Greatest swordfighter in the world

Stringer, Central Intelligence Corporation.

Specialising in Software related Intel.

(Music, Movies & Microcode.)

On the back is gibberish explaining how he may be reached: a telephone number. A universal voice

phone locator code. A P.O. box. His address on haifa dozen electronic communications nets. And an

address in the Metaverse.

"Stupid name," she says, shoving the card into one of a hundred little pockets on her coverall.

"But you'll never forget it," Hiro says.

"If you're a hacker. ."

"How come I'm delivering pizzas?"

"Right."

"Because I'm a freelance hacker. Look, whatever your name is-I owe you one."

"Name's Y.T.," she says, shoving at the pool a few times with one foot, building up more energy.

She flies out of the pool as if catapulted, and she's gone. The smartwheels of her skateboard,

many, many spokes extending and retracting to fit the shape of the ground, take her. across the

lawn like a pat of butter slqdding across hot Teflon.

Hiro, who as of thirty seconds ago is no longer the Deliverator, gets out of the car and pulls his

swords out of the trunk, straps them around his body, prepares for a breathtaking nighttime escape

run across TMAWH territory. The border with Oakwood Estates is only minutes away, he has the

layout memorized (sort of), and he knows how these Burbclave cops operate, because he used to be

one. So he has a good chance of making it. But it's going to be interesting.

Above him, in the house that owns the pool, a light has come

SNOW CRASH

on, and children are looking down at him through their bedroom windows, all warm and fuzzy in

their Li'l Crips and Ninja Raft Warrior pajamas, which can either be flameproof or noncarcinogenic

but not both at the same time. Dad is emerging from the back door, pulling on a jacket. It is a

nice family, a safe family in a house full of light, like the family he was a part of until thirty

seconds ago.

Hiro Protagonist and Vitaly Chernobyl, roommates, are chilling out in their home, a spacious 20-by-

30 in a U-Stor-It in Inglewood, California. The room has a concrete slab floor, corrugated steel

walls separating it from the neighboring units, and-this is a mark of distinction and luxury-a

roll-up steel door that faces northwest, giving them a few red rays at times like this, when the

sun is setting overLAX. From time to time, a 777 ora Sukhoi/Kawasaki Hypersonic Transport will

taxi in front of the sun and block the sunset with its rudder, or just mangle the red light with

its jet exhaust, braiding the parallel rays into a dappled pattern on the wall.

But there are worse places to live. There are much worse places right here in this U-Stor-It. Only

the big units like this one have their own doors. Most of them are accessed via a communal loading

dock that leads to a maze of wide corrugated-steel hallways and freight elevators. These are slum

housing, 5-by.lOs and 10-by-lOs where Yanoama tribespersons cook beans and parboil flstfuls of

coca leaves over heaps of burning lottery tickets.

It is whispered that in the old days, when the U-Stor~It was actually used for its intended

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purpose (namely, providing cheap extra storage space to Californians with too many material

goods), certain entrepreneurs came to the front office, rented out 1O.by-lOs using fake IDs,

filled them up with steel drums full of toxic chemical waste, and then abandoned them, leaving the

problem for the U~Stor-It Corporation to handle. According to these rumors, U-Stor.It just

padlocked those units and wrote them off. Now, the immigrants claim, certain units remain haunted

by this chemical specter. It is a story they tell their children, to keep them from trying to

break into padlocked units.

NEAL STEPHENSON

No one has ever tried to break into Hiro and Vitaly's unit because there's nothing in there to

steal, and at this point in their lives, neither one of them is important enough to kill, kidnap,

or interrogate. Hiro owns a couple of nice Nipponese swords, but he always wears them, and the

whole idea of stealing fantastically dangerous weapons presents the would-be perp with inherent

dangers and contradictions: When you are wrestling for possession of a sword, the man with the

handle always wins. Hiro also has a pretty nice computer that he usually takes with him when he

goes anywhere. Vitaly owns half a carton of Lucky Strikes, an electric guitar, and a hangover.

At the moment, Vitaly Chernobyl is stretched out on a futon, quiescent, and Hiro Protagonist is

sitting crosslegged at a low table, Nipponese style, consisting of a cargo pallet set on

cmderbiocks.

As the sun sets, its red light is supplanted by the light of many neon logos emanating from the

franchise ghetto that constitutes this U-Stor-It's natural habitat. This light, known as loglo,

fills in the shadowy corners of the unit with seedy, oversaturated colors.

Him has cappuccino skin and spiky, truncated dreadlocks. His hair does not cover as much of his

head as it used to, but he is a young man, by no means bald or balding, and the slight retreat of

his hairline only makes more of his high cheekbones. He is wearing shiny goggles that wrap halfway

around his head the bows of the goggles have little earphones that are plugged into his outer

ears.

The earphones have some built-in noise cancellation features. This sort of thing works best on

steady noise. When jumbo jets make their takeoff runs on the runway across the street, the sound

is reduced to a low doodling hum. But when Vitaly Chernobyl thrashes out an experimental guitar

solo, it still hurts Hiro's ears.

The goggles throw a light, smoky haze across his eyes and reflect a distorted wide-angle view of a

brilliantly lit boulevard that stretches off into an infinite blackness. This boulevard does not

really exist, it is a computer-rendered view of an imaginary place.

Beneath this image, it is possible to see Hiro's eyes, which look Asian. They are from his mother,

who is Korean by way of Nippon. The rest of him looks more like his father, who was African

SNOW CRASH

by way of Texas by way of the Army-back in the days before it got split up into a number of

competing organizations such as General Jim's Defense System and Admiral Bob's National Security.

Four things are on the cargo pallet: a bottle of expensive beer from the Puget Sound area, which

Hiro cannot really afford; a long sword known in Nippon as a katana and a short sword known as a

wakizashi-Hiro's father looted these from Japan after World War II went atomic-and a computer.

The computer is a featureless black wedge. It does not have a power cord, but there is a narrow

translucent plastic tube emerg. ing from a hatch on the rear, spiraling across the cargo pallet

and the floor, and plugged into a crudely installed fiber-optics socket above the head of the

sleeping Vitaly Chernobyl. In the center of the plastic tube is a hair-thin fiber.optic cable. The

cable is carrying a lot of information back and forth between Hiro's computer and the rest of the

world. In order to transmit the same amount of information on paper, they would have to arrange

for a 747 cargo freighter packed with telephone books and encyclopedias to power.dive into their

unit every couple of minutes, forever.

Hiro can't really afford the computer either, but he has to have one. It is a tool of his trade.

In the worldwide community of hackers, Hiro is a talented drifter. This is the kind of lifestyle

that sounded romantic to him as recently as five years ago. But in the bleak light of full

adulthood, which is to one's early twenties as Sunday morning is to Saturday night, he can clearly

see what it really amounts to: He's broke and unemployed. And a few short weeks ago, his tenure as

a pizza deliverer-the only pointless dead-end job he really enjoys-came to an end. Since then,

he's been putting a lot more emphasis on his auxiliary emergency backup job: freelance stringer

for the CIC, the Central Intelligence Corporation of Langley, Virginia.

The business is a simple one. Hiro gets information. It may be gossip, videotape, audiotape, a

fragment of a computer disk, a xerox of a document. It can even be a joke based on the latest

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