A SECRET VICE
Some of you may have heard that there was, a year or more ago, a Congress in Oxford, an
Esperanto Congress; or you may not have heard. Personally I am a believer in an 'artificial'
language, at any rate for Europe - a believer, that is, in its desirability, as the one thing antecedently
necessary for uniting Europe, before it is swallowed by non-Europe; as well as for many other good
reasons - a believer in its possibility because the history of the world seems to exhibit, as far as I
know it, both an increase in human control of (or influence upon) the uncontrollable, and a
progressive widening of the range of more or less uniform languages. Also I particularly like
Esperanto, not least because it is the creation ultimately of one man, not a philologist, and is
therefore something like a 'human language bereft of the inconveniences due to too many
successive cooks' - which is as good a description of the ideal artificial language (in a particular
sense) as I can give.1
No doubt the Esperantist propaganda touched on all these points. I cannot say. But it is not
important, because my concern is not with that kind of artificial language at all. You must tolerate
the stealthy approach. It is habitual. But in any case my real subject tonight is a stealthy subject.
Indeed nothing less embarrassing than the unveiling in public of a secret vice. Had I boldly and
brazenly begun right on my theme I might have called my paper a plea for a New Art, or a New
Game, if occasional and painful confidences had not given me grave cause to suspect that the vice,
though secret, is common; and the art (or game), if new at all, has at least been discovered by a
good many other people independently.
The practitioners are all so bashful, however, that they hardly ever show their works to one
another, so none of them know who are the geniuses at the game, or who are the splendid
'primitives' -whose neglected works, found in old drawers, may possibly be purchased at great price
(not from the authors, or their heirs and assigns!) for American museums, in after days when the
'art' has become acknowledged. I won't say 'general'! - it is too arduous and slow: I doubt if any
devotee could produce more than one real masterpiece, plus at most a few brilliant sketches and
outlines, in a life-time.
I shall never forget a little man - smaller than myself - whose name I have forgotten, revealing
himself by accident as a devotee, in a moment of extreme ennui, in a dirty wet marquee filled with
trestle tables smelling of stale mutton fat, crowded with (mostly) depressed and wet creatures. We
were listening to somebody lecturing on map-reading, or camp-hygiene, or the art of sticking a
fellow through without (in defiance of Kipling) bothering who God sent the bill to; rather we were
trying to avoid listening, though the Guards' English, and voice, is penetrating. The man next to me
said suddenly in a dreamy voice: 'Yes, I think I shall express the accusative case by a prefix!'
A memorable remark! Of course by repeating it I have let the cat, so carefully hidden, out of its
bag, or at least revealed the whiskers. But we won't bother about that for a moment. Just consider
the splendour of the words! 'I shall express the accusative case.' Magnificent! Not 'it is expressed',
nor even the more shambling 'it is sometimes expressed', nor the grim 'you must learn how it is
expressed'. What a pondering of alternatives within one's choice before the final decision in favour
of the daring and unusual prefix, so personal, so attractive; the final solution of some element in a
design that had hitherto proved refractory. Here were no base considerations of the 'practical', the
easiest for the 'modern mind', or for the million - only a question of taste, a satisfaction of a personal
pleasure, a private sense of fitness.
As he said his words the little man's smile was full of a great delight, as of a poet or painter
seeing suddenly the solution of a hitherto clumsy passage. Yet he proved as close as an oyster. I
never gathered any further details of his secret grammar; and military arrangements soon separated
us never to meet again (up to now at any rate). But I gathered that this queer creature -ever
afterwards a little bashful after inadvertently revealing his secret - cheered and comforted himself in
the tedium and squalors of 'training under canvas' by composing a language, a personal system and
symphony that no else was to study or to hear. Whether he did this in his head (as only the great
masters can), or on paper, I never knew. It is incidentally one of the attractions of this hobby that it