
CROTCHET CASTLE
6
acquisition to that of conservation. His friend, Mr. Ramsbottom, the
zodiacal mythologist, told him that he had done well to withdraw from the
region of Uranus or Brahma, the Maker, to that of Saturn or Veeshnu, the
Preserver, before he fell under the eye of Jupiter or Seva, the Destroyer,
who might have struck him down at a blow.
It is said that a Scotchman, returning home after some years' residence
in England, being asked what he thought of the English, answered: "They
hanna ower muckle sense, but they are an unco braw people to live
amang;" which would be a very good story, if it were not rendered
apocryphal by the incredible circumstance of the Scotchman going back.
Mr. Mac Crotchet's experience had given him a just title to make, in
his own person, the last-quoted observation, but he would have known
better than to go back, even if himself, and not his father, had been the
first comer of his line from the north. He had married an English Christian,
and, having none of the Scotch accent, was ungracious enough to be
ashamed of his blood. He was desirous to obliterate alike the Hebrew and
Caledonian vestiges in his name, and signed himself E. M. Crotchet,
which by degrees induced the majority of his neighbours to think that his
name was Edward Matthew. The more effectually to sink the Mac, he
christened his villa "Crotchet Castle," and determined to hand down to
posterity the honours of Crotchet of Crotchet. He found it essential to his
dignity to furnish himself with a coat of arms, which, after the proper
ceremonies (payment being the principal), he obtained, videlicet: Crest, a
crotchet rampant, in A sharp; Arms, three empty bladders, turgescent, to
show how opinions are formed; three bags of gold, pendent, to show why
they are maintained; three naked swords, tranchant, to show how they are
administered; and three barbers' blocks, gaspant, to show how they are
swallowed.
Mr. Crotchet was left a widower, with two children; and, after the
death of his wife, so strong was his sense of the blessed comfort she had
been to him, that he determined never to give any other woman an
opportunity of obliterating the happy recollection.
He was not without a plausible pretence for styling his villa a castle,
for, in its immediate vicinity, and within his own enclosed domain, were