Christopher Moore - Coyote Blue

Coyote Blue

by Christopher Moore

ISBN: 0-380-72523-1

eVersion 4.0 / Notes at End

This book is dedicated to the Crow people.

Author's Note

The people in this book are all products of my imagination and any resemblance to persons living

or dead is purely coincidental. While some of the places in this book do exist, I've changed them for my

own purposes, and any resemblance to real places is just an oversight on my part. In short, the whole

thing is a damnable lie and contains not a shred of truth.

Pronunciation

NOUN

When the wordcoyote refers to a canine animal it is pronounced KAI-YO-TEE.

PROPER NOUN

WhenCoyote refers to a character of human appearance, or in the nameOld Man Coyote , it is

pronounced KAI-YOTE.

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ADJECTIVE

Whencoyote is used as a modifier, as incoyote ugly (if you wake up in bed with your arm under

the head of someone who iscoyote ugly , and you would gnaw it off rather than wake that person up), it

is pronounced KAI-YO-TEE.

TITLE

The title of this book is pronounced KAI-YO-TEE BLEW. Readers who have a problem with

pronunciation might want to read it silently the first time through. This is doubly important if you are

reading this on an airplane.

Part 1

Epiphany

Chapter 1

Life Will Find You

Santa Barbara, California

While magic powder was sprinkled on the sidewalk outside, Samuel Hunter moved around his

office like a machine, firing out phone calls, checking computer printouts, and barking orders to his

secretary. It was how he began every business day: running in machine mode until he left for his first sales

appointment and put on the right persona for the prospect.

People who knew Sam found him hardworking, intelligent, and even likable, which is exactly

what he wanted them to find. He was confident and successful in business, but he wore his success with a

humility that put people at ease. He was tall, lean, and quick with a smile, and people said he was as

comfortable in a Savile Row suit before a boardroom of businessmen as he was lounging in jeans at

Santa Barbara's wharf, trading stories and lies with the fishermen. In fact, the apparent ease with which

Sam mastered his environment was the single disturbing quality people noticed in him. How was it that a

guy could play so many roles so well, and never seem uncomfortable or out of place? Something was

missing. It wasn't that he was a bad guy, it was just that you could never get close to him, you never got a

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feel for who he really was, which is exactly how Sam wanted it. He thought a show of desire, of passion,

of anger even, would give him away, so he suppressed these emotions until he no longer felt them. His life

was steady, level, and safe.

So it happened that on an autumn-soft sunny day, not two weeks after his thirty-fifth birthday,

some twenty years after he had run away from home, Samuel Hunter stepped out of his office onto the

sidewalk and was poleaxed by desire.

He saw a girl loading groceries into an old Datsun Z that was parked at the curb, and to the core

of his being, Sam wanted her.

Later he would recall the details of her appearance -- a line of muscle on a tan thigh, cutoff jeans,

the undercurve of a breast showing below the half shirt, yellow hair tied up haphazardly, tendrils escaping

to brush high cheekbones and wide brown eyes -- but her effect on him now was like a long, oily

saxophone note that started somewhere in that lizard part of the brain where the libido resides and

resonated down his body to the tendons in his groin and back into his stomach to form a knot that nearly

doubled him over.

"You want her?" The question came from beside him, a man's voice that startled him a bit, but

not enough for him to tear his eyes from the girl.

The question came again. "You want her?"

Already off balance, Sam turned toward the voice, then stepped back in surprise. A young

Indian man dressed in black buckskins fringed with red feathers sat on the sidewalk by the office door.

While Sam tried to regain mental ground, the Indian dazzled a grin and pulled a long dagger from his belt.

"If you want her, go get her," he said. Then he flipped the dagger across the sidewalk into the

front tire of the girl's car. There was a thud and a high squealing hiss as the air escaped the tire.

"What was that?" the girl said. She slammed the hatchback and moved to the front of the car.

Sam, in a panic, looked for the Indian, who had disappeared, and then for the knife, which had

vanished as well. He turned and looked through the glass door into his outer office, but the Indian wasn't

there either.

"I can't believe I manifested this," the girl said, staring at the flattened tire. "I've done it again. I've

manifested failure."

Sam's confusion blossomed. "Whatare you talking about?"

The girl turned and looked at him for the first time, studied him for a second, then said, "Every

time I get a job I manifest some kind of tragedy that ruins my chances of keeping it."

"But it's just a flat tire. You can't manifest a flat tire. I saw the guy that did this. It was. . ." Sam

stopped himself. The Indian in black had triggered his fears of being found out, of going to prison. He

didn't want to relive the shock. "It was probably some glass you picked up. You can't avoid that sort of

thing."

"Why would I manifest glass in my tire?" The question was in earnest; she searched Sam's face

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for an answer. If he had one, he lost it in her eyes. He couldn't get a grip on how to react to any of this.

He said, "The Indian --"

"Do you have a phone?" she interrupted. "I have to call work and tell them I'll be late. I don't

have a spare."

"I can give you a ride," Sam said, feeling stupidly proud of himself for being able to speak at all.

"I was just leaving for an appointment. My car's around the corner."

"Would you do that? I have to go all the way to upper State Street."

Sam looked at his watch, out of habit only; he'd have driven her to Alaska if she had asked. "No

problem," he said. "Follow me."

The girl grabbed a bundle of clothes from the Datsun and Sam led her around the corner to his

Mercedes. He opened the door for her and tried not to watch her get in. Whenever he looked at her his

mind went blank and he had to thrash around looking for what to do next. As he got in the car he caught

a glimpse of her brown legs against the black leather seat and forgot for a moment where the ignition slot

was. He stared at the dashboard and tried to calm himself, even as he was thinking,This is an accident

waiting to happen.

The girl said, "Do you think that the Germans make such good cars to atone for the Holocaust?"

"What?" He started to look at her, but instead turned his attention to the road. "No, I don't think

so. Why do you ask?"

"It doesn't matter, I guess. I just thought it might bother them. I have a leather jacket that I can't

wear anymore because when I have it on I have to drive miles out of my way to avoid going by cow

pastures. Not that the cows would want it back -- zippers are hard for them -- but they have such

beautiful eyes, it makes me feel bad. These seats are leather, aren't they?"

"Vinyl," Sam said. "A new kind of vinyl." He could smell her scent, a mix of jasmine and citrus,

and it was making driving as difficult as following her conversation. He turned the air-conditioning on full

and concentrated on timing the lights.

"I wish I had calf eyes -- those long lashes." She pulled down the visor and looked in the vanity

mirror, then bent over until her head was almost at the steering wheel and looked at Sam. He glanced at

her and felt his breath catch in his throat as she smiled.

She said, "You have golden eyes. That's unusual for someone with such dark skin. Are you an

Arab?"

"No, I'm. . . I don't know. I'm a mongrel, I guess."

"I never met a Mongrel before. I hear they were great horsemen, though. My mother used to

read me mat poem: 'In Xanadu did Kublai Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. . . .' I don't remember

the rest. Someone told me that the Mongrels were like the bikers of their time."

"Who told you that?"

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"This person who's a biker."

"Person?" Sam knew there was some reality to grab on to somewhere, a position from which he

could regain control, if only he could get a straight answer.

"Do you know where the Tangerine Tree Cafe is on upper State? That's where I work."

"Just tell me a block or so before we get to it."

Even after twenty years Sam found it impossible to distinguish one area of Santa Barbara from

another. Everything was the same: white stucco with red tile roofs. The city had been partially destroyed

by an earthquake in 1925, and since then the city planners had required all commercial buildings to be

built in the Spanish-Moorish style -- they even dictated the shade of white that buildings were painted.

The result was a beautifully consistent city with almost no distinctive landmarks. Sam usually spotted his

destination just as he passed it.

"That was it back there," the girl said.

Sam pulled the car to the curb. "I'll go around the block."

She opened the car door. "That's okay, I can jump out here."

"No! I don't mind, really." He didn't want her to go. Not yet. But she was out of the car in an

instant. She bent back in and offered her hand to shake.

"Thanks a lot. I work until four. I'll need a ride back to my car. See ya." And she was gone,

leaving Sam with his hand still extended and the image of her cleavage burned onto his retinas.

He sat for a moment, trying to catch his breath, feeling disoriented, grateful, and a little relieved,

as if he had looked up just in time to slam on the brakes and avoid a collision. He took his cigarettes from

his jacket and shook one out of the pack, but when he reached for the lighter he noticed the bundle of

clothes still lying on the seat. He grabbed the clothes, got out of the car, and headed down the street to

the cafe.

The doors to the cafe were the big, heavy, hand-carved, pseudo-Spanish iron-banded variety

common to almost all Santa Barbara restaurants, but once through them the decor was strictly Fifties

Diner. Sam approached a gray-haired woman in a waitress uniform who was manning the cash register at

the head of the long counter. He didn't see the girl.

"Excuse me," he said. "The girl that just came in here -- the blonde -- she left these in my car."

The woman looked him up and down and seemed surprised at his appearance. "Calliope?" she

said, incredulously. Sam checked his tie for spots, his fly for altitude.

"I don't know her name. I just gave her a ride to work. She had a flat tire."

"Oh." The woman seemed relieved. "You didn't look like her type. She went to the back to

change. I guess she won't get far without these." The woman took the clothes from him. "Did you want to

speak to her?" she asked.

"No, I guess not. I guess I'll let her get to work."

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"It's no problem, that other guy is waiting for her too." The woman nodded down the counter.

Sam followed her gaze to where the Indian was sitting, smoking a cigarette and blowing the smoke in

four directions with each drag. He looked up at Sam and grinned. Sam backed away from the counter

and through the doors, tripping on the step down to the sidewalk, almost falling, but catching himself on

the wrought-iron railing.

He leaned on the railing feeling as if he had just taken a hard shot to the jaw. He shook his head

and tried to find some sort of order to what was happening. It could be some kind of setup; the girl and

the Indian in it together. But how could they know who he was? How did the Indian get to the cafe so

fast? And if it was blackmail, if they knew about the killing, then why be so sneaky about it?

As he climbed back into the Mercedes he tried to shake off the feeling of foreboding that was

creeping over him like a night fog. He'd just met the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and shortly

he would see her again. He had come to her rescue; what better first impression? Even if he hadn't

planned it. The Indian was a coincidence. Life was good, right?

He started the car and put it into gear only to realize that he couldn't remember where he was

going. There had been an appointment when he left the office. He drove several blocks trying to

remember the appointment and who he was going to be when he got there. Finally he gave up and

pressed the autodialer on his cellular phone. As the phone beeped through the numbers to his office it hit

him: the source of his discomfort. The Indian had had golden eyes.

In the time it took for his secretary to answer, twenty years of his life, of denial and deception,

was pulled away in a stinging black undertow, leaving him feeling helpless and afraid.

Chapter 2

Montana Medicine Drunk

Crow Country, Montana

Black Cloud Follows thundered across the dawn silence of a frost-glazed Little Bighorn basin,

out of Crow Agency, under Highway 90, and into the gravel parking lot of Wiley's Food and Gas. A '77

ocher-colored Olds Cutlass rattletrap diesel, Black Cloud Follows stopped, coughed, belched, and

engulfed itself in a greasy black cloud of exhaust. When the cloud moved on, wafting like a portable

eclipse through the golden poplar and ash trees on the Little Bighorn's banks, Adeline Eats stood by the

Cutlass twisting the baling wire that held the driver's door shut.

Adeline's blue-black hair was layered large and lacquered into a flip. A hot-pink parka over her

flannel shirt and overalls added a Michelin Man concentric-circle symmetry to her oval shape. As the

Cutlass chugged and bucked -- the thing that refused to die -- Adeline lit a Salem 100, took a deep drag,

then delivered a vicious red Reebok kick to Black Cloud Follows's fender. "Stop it," she said.

Obediently, the car fell silent and Adeline gave the fender an affectionate pat. This old car had

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been indirectly responsible for getting her a husband, six children, and a job. She couldn't bring herself to

be mean to it for long.

Walking around to unlock the back door, she noticed something lying in a tuft of frost-covered

buffalo grass: something also frost covered, that looked very much like a body.If he's dead , she

reasoned,he can wait until I've made some coffee. If he ain't, he'll probably want some.

She let herself into the store and waddled around turning on lights and unlocking doors, then

started the coffee and went out to unlock the laundromat, another of the cinder-block buildings in the

Wiley's Food and Gas complex, which also included an eight-room motel. Crunching back through the

grass, she looked at the body again, which hadn't moved. But for the frost, Old Man Wiley would have

been out at dawn setting gopher traps all over the grounds and would have taken care of the body

problem. He would have also given Adeline no end of shit about Black Cloud Follows, which he had

been doing for fifteen years.

It had been Wiley, a white man, who had named the car in the first place. It was not the Crow

way to name cars or animals, but Wiley missed no chance to get in a dig at the people from whom he

made his living. Maybe, Adeline thought, a morning of peace was worth dealing with a body.

When the coffee was finished, she filled two large Styrofoam cups (one for her and one for the

body) and poured a generous amount of sugar in each. The body had long braids, so she assumed he

was Crow and would probably take sugar if he was alive. If he was dead Adeline would drink his, and

she definitely wanted sugar.

Back in the buffalo days, the Cheyenne prophet Sweet Medicine had seen a vision of men with

hair on their faces who would come bringing a white sand that was poison to Indians. The prophecy had

come true, the white sand was sugar, and Adeline blamed the white man for poisoning her right up to two

hundred pounds.

She took the coffee, butt-bumped through the back door, and crunched through the grass to

where the body lay. He was facedown and his Levi jacket and jeans were crystalline blue with frost.

Adeline nudged him in the ribs with her foot. "You froze?" she asked.

"Nope," the body said into the ground; a little dust came up with the steam.

"You hurt?"

"Nope." More dust.

"Drunk?"

"Yep."

"You want coffee?" Adeline sat one of the cups by his head. The body -- she was still thinking of

him as the body -- rolled over and she recognized him as Pokey Medicine Wing, the liar.

Creaking, Pokey sat up and tried to pick up the coffee, but couldn't seem to get his frozen hand

to work. Adeline picked up the cup and handed it to him.

"I thought you was dead, Pokey."

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"I might have been. Just had me a medicine dream." As he raised the cup to his lips the shakes

set in and he had to bite the edge of the cup to steady it. "I died twice before, you know. . . ."

Adeline ignored the lie and pointed to one of his braids, which had fallen into his coffee cup.

Pokey pulled the braid out and wiped the beaded band around it on his jacket. "Good coffee,"

he said.

Adeline shook a Salem out of her pack and offered it to him.

"Thanks," he said. "You gotta offer a prayer after a medicine dream."

Adeline lit his cigarette with a Bic lighter. "I'm a Christian now," she said. She really hoped he

wouldn't use the cigarette to carry a prayer. She'd only been a Christian for a few weeks and the old

ways made her a little uncomfortable. Besides, Pokey was probably lying through his tooth -- he had

only one -- about the medicine dream.

Pokey squinted up at her and grinned, but did not pray. "I saw my brother Frank's boy, the one

with the yellow eyes who threw that cop off the dam. You remember?"

Adeline nodded. She really didn't want to hear this. "Maybe you should tell a medicine man."

"Iam a medicine man," Pokey said. "Just no one believes me. I don't need no one else to tell me

about my visions. I saw that boy with Old Man Coyote, and there was a shade with 'em that looked like

Death."

"I got to go to work now," Adeline said.

"I need to find that boy and warn him," Pokey said.

"That boy's been gone for twenty years. He's probably dead. You was just dreaming." Pokey

was a liar and Adeline knew that there was no reason that she should let his ravings bother her, but they

did. "If you're okay, I got to go to work."

"You don't believe in medicine, then?"

"Mr. Wiley will be coming in soon. I got to open the store," Adeline said. She turned and started

back toward the store.

"Is that a screech owl?" Pokey shouted after her.

Adeline dropped her coffee, fell into a crouch, and scanned the sky in a panic. In the old tradition

the screech owl was the worst of omens; vengeful ghosts lived in screech owls; seeing or hearing one was

like hearing the sound of your own death. Adeline was terrified.

Pokey grinned at her. "I guess not. It must just be a hawk."

Adeline recovered and stomped into the store, praying to Jesus to forgive Pokey for his sins, but

adding to her prayer a request for Jesus to beat the shit out of Pokey if He had the time.

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Chapter 3

The Machines of Irony Bring Memory

Santa Barbara

After Sam's secretary gave him the address of his appointment he hung up the cellular phone and

punched the address into the navigation system he'd had installed in the Mercedes so he would always

know where he was. Wherever Sam was, he was in touch. In addition to the cellular phone he wore a

satellite beeper that could reach him anywhere in the world. He had fax machines and computers in his

office and his home, as well as a notebook-sized computer with a modem that linked him with data bases

that could provide him with everything from demographic studies to news clippings about his clients.

Three televisions with cable kept his home alive with news, weather, and sports and provided insipid

entertainments to fill his idle hours and keep him abreast of what was hot and what was not, as well as

any information he might need to construct a face to meet a face: to change his personality to dovetail

with that of any prospective client. The bygone salesman out riding on a shoeshine and a smile had been

replaced by a shape-shifting shark stalking the sale, and Sam, having buried long ago who he really was,

was an excellent salesman.

Even as some of Sam's devices connected him to the world, others protected him from its

harshness. Alarm systems in his car and condo kept criminals at bay, while climate control kept the air

comfortable and compact discs soothed away distracting noise. A monstrous multiarmed black machine

he kept in his spare bedroom simulated the motions of running, cross-country skiing, stair climbing, and

swimming, while monitoring his blood pressure and heart rate and making simulated ocean sounds that

stimulated alpha waves in the brain. And all this without the risk of the shin splints, broken legs, drowning,

or confusion that he might have experienced by actually going somewhere and doing something. Air bags

and belts protected him when he was in the car and condoms when he was in women. (And there were

women, for the same protean guile that served him as a salesman served him also as a seducer.) When

the women left, protesting that he was charming but something was missing, there was a number that he

could call where someone would be nice to him for $4.95 a minute. Sometimes, while he was getting his

hair cut, sitting in the chair with his protections and personalities down, the hairdresser would run her

hands down his neck, and that small human contact sent a lonesome shudder rumbling through him like a

heartbreak.

"I'm here to see Mr. Cable," he said to the secretary, an attractive woman in her forties. "Sam

Hunter, Aaron Assurance Associates. I have an appointment."

"Jim's expecting you," she said. Sam liked that she used her boss's first name; it confirmed the

personality profile he had projected. Sam's machines had told him that James Cable was one of the two

main partners who owned Motion Marine, Inc., an enormously successful company that manufactured

helmets and equipment for industrial deep-sea diving. Cable had been an underwater welder on the rigs

off Santa Barbara before he and his partner, an engineer named Frank Cochran, had invented a new

fiberglass scuba helmet that allowed divers to stay in radio contact while regulating the high-pressure

miasma of gases that they breathed. The two became millionaires within a year and now, ten years later,

they were thinking of taking the company public. Cochran wanted to be sure that at least one of the

partners could retain controlling interest in the company in the event that the other died. Sam was trying

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to write a multimillion-dollar policy that would provide buy-out capital for the remaining partner.

It was a simple partnership deal, the sort that Sam had done a hundred times, and Cochran, the

engineer, with his mathematical way of thinking, his need for precision and order, his need to have all the

loose ends tied up, had been an easy sale. With an engineer Sam simply presented facts, carefully laid out

in an equationlike manner that led to the desired answer, which was: "Where do I sign?" Engineers were

predictable, consistent, and easy. But Cable, the diver, was going to be a pain in the ass.

Cable was a risk taker, a gambler. Any man who had spent ten years of his life working

hundreds of feet underwater, breathing helium and working with explosive gas, had to have come to

terms with fear, and fear was what Sam traded in.

In most cases the fear was easy to identify. It was not the fear of death that motivated Sam's

clients to buy; it was the fear of dying unprepared. If he did his job right, the clients would feel that by

turning down a policy they were somehow tempting fate to cause them to die untimely. (Sam had yet to

hear of a death considered "timely.") In their minds they created a new superstition, and like all

superstitions it was based on the fear of irony. So, the only lottery ticket you lose will be the winning one,

the one time you leave your driver's license at home is the time you will be stopped for speeding, and

when someone offers you an insurance policy that only pays you if you're dead, you better damn well buy

it. Irony. It was a tacit message, but one that Sam delivered with every sales pitch.

He walked into Jim Cable's office with the unusual feeling of being totally unprepared. Maybe it

was just the girl who had thrown him, or the Indian.

Cable was standing behind a long desk that had been fashioned from an old dinghy. He was tall,

with the thin, athletic build of a runner, and completely bald. He extended his hand to Sam.

"Jim Cable. Frank told me you'd be coming, but I'm not sure I like this whole thing."

"Sam Hunter." Sam released his hand. "May I sit? This shouldn't take long." This was not a good

start.

Cable gestured for Sam to sit across from him and sat down. Sam remained standing. He didn't

want the desk to act as a barrier between them; it was too easy for Cable to defend.

"Do you mind if I move this chair over to your side of the desk? I have some materials I'd like

you to see and I need to be beside you."

"You can just leave the materials, I'll look them over."

Technology had helped Sam over this barrier. "Well, actually it's not printed matter. I have it in

my computer and I have to be on the same side of the screen as you."

"Okay, I guess that's fine, then." Cable rolled his chair to the side to allow Sam room on the same

side of the desk.

That's one, Sam thought. He moved his chair, sat down beside Cable, and opened the notebook

computer.

"Well, Mr. Cable, it looks like we can set this whole thing up without any more than a physical

for you and Frank."

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Christopher Moore - Coyote Blue

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