
Doug remembered very plainly when he first became aware of racial differences. He was five years old
and not yet in the first grade when he stumbled while racing along the sidewalk near his home. He fell and
skinned his knees. The old black man who did yard work for the neighborhood helped him up while
Doug tried to hold back the tears. Big boys don't cry! He remembered his Dad's admonishment but
sometimes it was hard to keep the tears inside.
"You okay, little man?” The white haired old man asked, while brushing him off.
Doug nodded, unable to speak. His chin was quivering.
"You a big boy,” the old man said, his smile showing a gold tooth.
Doug nodded again, feeling better. It really didn't hurt that much.
From out of the blue came another question that he didn't understand at first. “What you rather be, a
black man or a white man?"
For the first time, Doug really looked at the old dark skinned gardener. His shoes were split and taped.
A much used leather belt held up equally worn and patched jeans. His shirt was stained and wet with the
pungent odor of dried sweat and his cap was a shapeless mass. But what Doug noticed most was his
color and the way his face held a reservoir of old sadness that was never absent. He didn't laugh and sing
and wear nice clothes like the black men he saw on television. He was very dark, almost black, and
Doug remembered now that a lot of other people were dark, too, like the woman who came to clean
house every week or two. He thought of his playmates and how they were all white. He thought of his
parents and their friends. None of them worked outside all day in the yards or mopped floors. He hung
his head, ashamed, somehow, but his child's mind had no idea why. Yet he knew the answer to the black
man's question. From hundreds of overheard jokes and conversations a cultural bias had already soaked
into his little mind. He didn't really want to say anything but his parents had taught him to always answer
when an adult spoke to him.
"White, I guess,” he muttered, looking up at the old man.
"Me, too,” the black gardener replied in a soft voice. He seemed to be looking at something far beyond
them, something out of sight. “You go home now, get them knees doctored."
Doug thought he had never seen anyone look as sad as the old man, even when he smiled. “Yes, sir,” he
said as he nodded his head and turned back toward home. In a moment he was running again, but not
from excitement or playfulness. He was running to escape an unknown menace, something he didn't
understand but knew was threatening.
He never forgot that episode, and even as a child, he began observing how blacks and whites treated
each other and by the time he turned thirteen, he knew that blacks were considered an inferior race. He
didn't know why, but he didn't agree with the prevailing attitude of his white friends and his parents. He
didn't speak out openly very often, being shy and reclusive. He was considered a bookworm by many of
his peers. It wasn't until he was grown and in the army that he began voicing his opinions at times and
places he thought were appropriate, but it seemed as if he had always known it was an unfair situation for
black people and even as a child always tried to treat blacks as politely and with as much consideration
as any one else.
Bob Handley was the only person other than Doris he had ever told that story to. Remembering it, he
patted Handley's shoulder, but was unsure of what else he could or should say.
Handley finally smiled at him. “You're a good man, Doug. I hope you come out of this okay, too."