file:///C|/Documents%20and%20Settings/harry%20kruiswijk/Mijn%20d...John%20DeChancie%20-%20Castle%2002%20-%20Castle%20for%20Rent.htm
“Hi! Mort Kaufmann’s the name. Have you two just wandered into the castle?”
The one with the gun slowly straightened.
“What sort of creature are you?” he barked. “And what are you doing in stronghold of Proconsul?”
“The what of who?” Kaufmann laughed. “You got it wrong. I should be asking what you’re doing here — but of
course I know perfectly well what you’re doing. You were just minding your own business when all of a sudden
a wall in your —” He took a step forward and peeked into the opening. “ — living room? Yeah, a wall in your
living room suddenly went poof and a doorway pops out of nowhere. And you go through, and you wind up here,
and you’re wondering what it’s all about. Right?”
The creature thrust the pistol toward him. “I ask you question! Speak, or I will drill hole in your hairy head.”
Kaufmann backed off. “Hey, now look. I don’t want any trouble with you guys. Just being friendly, is all. I’m
just trying to help out. You know, you really shouldn’t —”
The unarmed creature rushed him. The jewel-torch clattered to the floor and Kaufmann went flying. The corridor
wall interrupted his flight with a sickening thud. The creature then picked him up like a limp rag and began to
pummel him mercilessly.
The other creature went for the torch, scooped the thing up, and examined it. At length he looked over his
shoulder and growled, “Don’t kill it! Proconsul will want to interrogate!”
Kaufmann lay still on the floor, one arm at an anatomically improbable angle.
“Two-legged, hairy creature that talks. Fantastic! Where did it come from?”
“From this place, wherever.”
“Look. It has red blood.”
“I can see that, fool!”
“Can you also now see — idiot — that there is something more to this?”
The other regarded the torch again. “Perhaps so.” It ran a sausagelike finger over the handle.
The unarmed creature pointed at Kaufmann.
“Come, we must report this. Bring creature.” When the other gave no response: “That is my order!”
The other glared back. “I urinate on your orders. You have no authority over me.”
“I have Proconsul’s authority! I am his chief of staff. As captain of stronghold guard, you are technically under
my command. Obey!”
“Slime-eating schemer! You backstabbed your way to power!”
The other smiled toothily. “I could have you shot.” His hand was a blur as it slipped behind his breastplate,
bringing forth a small pistol. He trained it on the captain. “I could shoot you right now.”
“You are coward as well.”
The chief of staff’s smile faded. Slowly he put the pistol back into its hiding place. He brought back his hand to
his side.
“Now make your move.”
It was quiet. Both creatures remained motionless for several minutes.
The captain of the guard carefully unbent and relaxed. “This is foolish. I will fetch prisoner.”
The chief of staff picked up the torch. Looking it over, he walked toward the opening. Just as he reached it he
caught sight of what the captain was about to do.
The captain’s pistol smoked and sputtered. A brief flame coughed from the end of the barrel. That was all.
Dumbfounded, the captain stood looking at the useless weapon in his hand — briefly, until a dagger suddenly
grew in his throat. He dropped the pistol, gurgled, and fell dead. Bright purple blood issued from the wound.
The chief of staff retrieved the knife and picked up the gun. He looked at one, then the other.
“Strange.”
Throwing down the gun, he grabbed the human by the hair and dragged him back through the portal.
Six (Approximately) Months (For Lack of Better Word) Later
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