43 - EarthWorld

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Anji Kapoor has just had the worst week of her entire life, and things aren’t

getting any better. She should be back at her desk, not travelling through time

and space in a police box with a couple of strange men.

The Doctor (Strange Man No. 1) is supposed to be returning her to Soho 2001

AD. So quite why there are dinosaurs outside, Anji isn’t sure. Sad sixties

refugee Fitz (Strange Man No. 2) seems to think they’re either in prehistoric

times or on a parallel Earth. And the Doctor is probably only pretending to

know what’s going on – because if he really knew, surely he would have

mentioned the homicidal triplet princesses, the teen terrorists, the deadly

android doubles (and triples) and the hosts of mad robots?

Anji’s never going to complain about Monday mornings in the ofﬁce again. . .

This is another in the series of original adventures for the Eighth Doctor.

EarthWorld

Jaqueline Rayner

Published by BBC Worldwide Ltd

Woodlands, 80 Wood Lane

London W12 0TT

First published 2001

Jacqueline Rayner 2001

The moral right of the author has been asserted

Original series broadcast on the BBC

Format c

BBC 1963

Doctor Who and TARDIS are trademarks of the BBC

ISBN 0 563 53827 9

Imaging by Black Sheep, copyright c

BBC 2001

Printed and bound in Great Britain by Mackays of Chatham

Cover printed by Belmont Press Ltd, Northampton

Acknowledgements

Thanks to Justin Richards, Gary Russell and Simon Axon.

Special thanks to Mark, even though this would probably have been ﬁnished a

lot earlier if I’d never met him.

Thanks to Ros for the energy!

And to Mum, Dad and Helen for all their support.

Contents

The Fluﬀy Frog in the Sky 5

History’s What You Make It 25

Killing Queens 40

A Man is the Sum of His [False] Memories 59

Powerplay 76

Elvis Lives! 92

Several Singalongs 102

If You Prick Me, Do I Not Bleed? 115

Nights at the Round Table 129

Being Other People 158

Dear TARDIS... 163

About the Author 181

Chapter One

The Fluﬀy Frog in the Sky

A rocky plain – barren and dull. Nothing but grey, as far as the eye could see.

And then a ﬂash of blue. And another. And the blue was there, solid, part of

the landscape, as though it had always been.

The watcher felt no surprise. But he moved closer to the strange, tall box,

anyway.

Fitz kept shutting his eyes, clicking his heels together, yelling ‘There’s no place

like home’, and opening his eyes again with a big happy-sounding sigh.

This was one of the more irritating things he’d been doing since they’d

stepped into this amazing magic wardrobe the Doctor called his TARDIS, rank-

ing just above the endless tales about how they used to ﬂy round the universe

in a stroppy redhead. Anji so wasn’t going to go there.

And Fitz seemed completely unconcerned that they were not, as the Doctor

had promised, back in Soho – at least, not if the image on the closed-circuit-

TV thingy was to be trusted. The Doctor seemed unperturbed, too, blithely

swanning off deeper into the TARDIS to ‘fetch something’, despite having quite

obviously and deﬁnitely broken his promise to take Anji home – but then he’d

also promised her he wouldn’t let her boyfriend Dave die (don’t think about

that).

‘Sand and rock,’ she muttered. ‘There’s no sand in Soho, and even less rock.’

‘Rock music?’ said Fitz. She ignored him. ‘Like I said, we might be in Soho.

Just – not the Soho of your day. Or that could be alien sand,’ he continued

cheerfully. ‘We might not even be on Earth at all.’

The inner door opened, and the Doctor swept through the console room,

pulled a large red lever on the way, and was out of the still-opening TARDIS

doors in a dash of bottle-green. ‘I’m just going to collect some samples,’ his

voice ﬁltered back. ‘Find out where we are!’

‘Can he do that?’ Anji asked. ‘Find out what planet we’re on by looking at

bits of rock?’

6EarthWorld

‘The Doctor,’ Fitz said, ‘can do anything.’ But she noticed he had his ﬁngers

crossed. ‘Come on, let’s see what it’s like out there.’

‘Let me just get my jacket,’ said Anji. Fitz gave her a look. Well, it was all

right for him, he was wearing his overcoat. Who knew what alien weather was

going to be like? She nipped back to what she was alarmed to realise she was

already thinking of as ‘her’ room, and picked up the blazer she’d left lying on

the bed. Her bed. She glanced round the room. Lucky she liked minimalism.

Lucky she didn’t have any sort of phobia about circles.

Fitz was still waiting for her when she got back to the console room, and

they both followed the Doctor’s path through the doors. To Anji’s surprise it

was pleasantly warm outside – just right, in fact, even though there was a bit

of a breeze. The sky was almost clear – there was only one biggish cloud,

which looked, to her still rather dazed mind, like a giant ﬂuffy white frog – and

the sun was nearing its apex. The sun was – just possibly – perhaps, maybe

the tiniest fraction smaller than she was used to. But it might not be. She’d

never spent a great deal of time solar-gazing, because of the scare stories about

losing one’s vision and also because. . . well, what on Earth would have been

the point? So. . . it could be somewhere other than twentieth-century Earth,

or it could just be her memory playing tricks, trying to persuade her she was

seeing something unusual.

She took a deep breath. It certainly smelled like Earth. Although – and this

was odd – for some reason she couldn’t quite put her ﬁnger on, it reminded

her of London more than any wide open space, which wasn’t quite right. But it

wasn’t London (obviously), because there were no people, no noise, not even

a pigeon.

Just a big blue box. She shook her head, her mind still rebelling at the idea

of this museum piece being a space-time machine. Or perhaps it was her sense

of style objecting to a space-time machine looking like a museum piece. Re-

ally, the TARDIS, seen from the outside, looked absolutely ridiculous. A 1960s

British (British? Or just English? Goodness knows) police box, from the days

before police radios or mobile phones. Interesting thought. Did the advent of

mobile phones help catch more criminals, or help more criminals evade cap-

ture? Would her mobile phone work in space (or wherever)? Presumably not.

But what if she were in the future? Phone networks might still be around.

Might as well try it. Just to see.

Anji opened her bag and ﬁshed for the slim black phone. No network. Sur-

prise surprise. So they were in the past – or on an alien planet – or, just possibly,

in Wales.

The Fluffy Frog in the Sky 7

Fitz wandered over. ‘Ah, a mobile phone,’ he said, in the manner of someone

being particularly clever. ‘I used one of those once, you know.’

‘I’m impressed,’ said Anji, deciding to save the demonstration of her Psion

organiser for another day. ‘Look, do you know where we are yet? And while

I’m on the subject, why exactly does this ultra-fantastic alien space and time

ship look like that? Isn’t it a bit embarrassing?’

‘The Doctor,’ said Fitz, ‘is supremely self-conﬁdent, and unconcerned with

superﬁcial appearances.’

She sighed, irritated. ‘That doesn’t explain anything. Well, it probably does

explain some things, but not what I was asking.’

Fitz glanced over to where the Doctor was kneeling on the ground, happily

scooping up earth into a small plastic tube. ‘Because he –’ gesturing over there

– ‘once landed it on Earth back in my time – but before my time, if you get me

– and the gizmo that used to make it change so it looked like something people

wouldn’t notice, got stuck. Like, it should be a rock or something now. But he

likes it like this.’

Anji looked at the guy who ‘likes it like this’. She had the distinct impression

that he was pretending not to be listening to Fitz. Trying not to let Fitz know

that this was all news to him, too. Maybe wondering exactly why he liked

his spaceship looking like a mid-twentieth-century relic. A bit worrying. She

shivered.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing,’ she answered, automatically. Then reconsidered. There was some-

thing else. . . ‘I think we’re being watched.’

‘That,’ Fitz informed her, ‘is because you’re not used to being out of your own

time frame. It’s a perfectly natural phenomenon.’ Patronising git.

Anji considered it was to her great credit that she didn’t say, ‘I told you so’

when the caveman appeared.

After you’ve seen aliens kill your boyfriend and been in a spaceship that’s

bigger on the inside than the outside, bumping into something that you’ve at

least seen in books/movies/ancient American cartoons isn’t as scary as all that.

It looked somewhat cartoonlike, too. Exaggerated jaw and forehead,

hunched back and muscles and a lot of hair, and – unbelievably – dressed in

what appeared to be leopard-skin rags. It was glaring at them, but making no

move to approach. Apart from the leopard skin – and its willingness to keep at

a distance – it reminded Anji irresistibly of an ex-boyfriend: Tom, the one who

was, um, one, two, three before Dave.

Don’t think about Dave.

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AnjiKapoorhasjusthadtheworstweekofherentirelife,andthingsaren'tgettinganybetter.Sheshouldbebackatherdesk,nottravellingthroughtimeandspaceinapoliceboxwithacoupleofstrangemen.TheDoctor(StrangeManNo.1)issupposedtobereturninghertoSoho2001AD.Soquitewhytherearedinosaursoutside,Anjiisn'tsure.Sadsixtiesrefu...

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