Piers Anthony - Xanth 20 - Yon Ill Wind

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NIMBY

The Demons of the system did not gather frequently

unless there were intriguing contests to be made or

issues to be settled. This occasion was a bit of both.

"You must have cheated!" the Demoness VCEW)"5 de-

clared. Of course the Demons did not actually communi-

cate in words or have any emphasis, but for the sake of

intelligibility their interactions could be represented as

such in degraded prose. "You have been winning every

contest recently."

"I simply learned how to play to win," the Demon

X(A/N)11' responded mildly. "My victories have been

fair."

"I wonder," the Demon E(A/R)111 remarked. "There is

something suspicious about the way that foolish mortal

boy gave up his game victory at the last moment, so that

you won our wager."

"And the way that crazy lesser demoness decided the

obviously innocent bird was guilty, so that you won our

wager," V(E\N)"8 agreed.

"I merely have compatible lesser creatures in my do-

main, because I allow them to pursue their own mischief

without interference," XCA/N)* protested. He glanced

obliquely at E(A/R)lh. "In contrast to some."

"If I did that, my idiot creatures would destroy my do-

main," ECA/R)* retorted.

"Aren't they doing that anyway?" V(E\N)"8 inquired

snidely.

"Hardly the way your lesser creatures affected your do-

2 PIERS ANTHONY

main," E(A/R)th shot back. "Now it's all cloud and desert,

instead of milk and honey."

"We all have made our little mistakes," the Demon

JUCP/I)'" said soothingly. "Which is why we have failed

to gain significant lasting status. But it does seem that

X(A/N)'1' has been unusually fortunate recently."

"Yes it does," V(E\N)1"' said emphatically.

"Agreed," E(A/R)'11 agreed. There was a murmur of ac-

quiescence from the other Demons present.

"It is merely my good lesser creatures," X(A/N)"' in-

sisted. "I treat them well, and they reward me by behaving

well. My fortune is in the quality of my creatures."

The other Demons exchanged a hundred and fifteen

glances in half a fraction of a moment. "Suppose we put

that to the test?" JUCP/I)'" suggested.

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XCA/N)* grew more interested. "Are you challenging

me to a contest?"

"Yes, I believe I am. Suggest terms."

"If I win, I will assume your status as dominant entity

in this system."

"Agreed. And if you lose, you will revert to the status

of least entity in this system, and yield your land to me."

That was a formidable stricture, for it had taken

X(A/N)th three thousand years to work his way up to se-

cond place, and might take longer to do it again. Still, this

might be his only chance to depose JtKP/I)"", because or-

dinarily the Dominant Demon would never put his status

on the line. "Agreed. Conditions?"

JIKP/I)'" smiled. This was akin to a short-tailed comet

fragmenting and plastering itself across his face in a series

of violent collisions. "You must subject yourself directly

to the whims of these inferior creatures you claim have

such good behavior. You must assume the form of a mortal

entity and go among them for the duration of the contest."

Now, this was different! "But normally we don't influ-

ence the inferiors in any way, so that the outcome is com-

pletely random, or at least not affected by the touch of a

Demon." He glanced darkly at V(E\N)"8, whom he sus-

YON ILL WIND

pected of violating that stricture the last time.

—SA(T/U)"1—nodded, and his rings precessed. "This

time you will have license to influence them—to the extent

you are able."

X(A/N)'1' realized that he had been set up. The other

Demons were conspiring to bring him down, because they

were miffed by his string of victories. Still, he did have

good lesser creatures, and perhaps they would bring him

the biggest victory of all. Certainly the challenge was ex-

citing. He had on occasion interacted with them, when they

had intruded on his awareness, but never done so for a

prolonged period. "So I can interact. What's the catch?"

"Your awareness can not be limited," JU(P/I)""' said,

' 'for you are in essence a Demon, regardless of the form

you assume. But for the purpose of the contest, your ex-

pression can be limited. You may not tell any creature of

your realm your true nature, and if any learn of it, you

forfeit immediately."

"Provided no other supernatural entity informs them,"

X(A/N)th said, with another glance at the Demoness.

"Agreed," JL^P/I)'" said. "We shall enforce that stric-

ture. Anything else you may convey to one person, in one

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moment. But—" He paused meaningfully. "There will be

a penalty when you do: thereafter you will -lose the power

of verbal communication, for the duration of the contest."

But one moment of full communication should be

enough, XCA/N)* reflected, his albedo increasing. So there

was probably another catch. "What else?"

"You will have your full powers, apart from speech,

limited to yourself and one inferior creature of your choos-

ing, to the extent that creature requests them."

"But if I am not allowed to describe my real nature, in

my moment of communication—''

"Invent something," JUCP/I)'" suggested. "Anything

but the truth. But if you come close enough to the truth

so that the creature, or any other denizen of your domain,

catches on, you lose."

That, too, was reasonable; he could approach the truth,

4 PIERS ANTHONY

but if he came too close, so that the inferior creature re-

alized that he was in fact the Demon X(A/N)"', he would

forfeit. But the contest was sdll incomplete. "What is the

penalty for becoming what that creature chooses?"

"The power of motion," JI-KP/I)^ said. "After that

state ends, when the inferior creature terminates the asso-

ciation and separates from you for more than a moment

and more than a unit of distance, you will not only be

mute but completely immobile. You will lose your powers

of magical action, too, other than awareness. So you had

better achieve your objective before such separation oc-

curs."

"Decision, time, geography," V(E\N)"5 said. "That is

fair, isn't it? Triple termination. No accidents." Fair, to

her, meant she felt assured of his loss, which she desired

more than a victory of her own.

This was getting tough, all right. He could speak only

once, and then could act only as long as he kept company

with the creature. Inferior creatures were notoriously

fickle; at any time, for little or no reason, the one selected

could decide it no longer desired his association, and tell

him so, and depart. By the terms of this contest, he would

not be able to demur.

But it wasn't yet done. This conspiracy of Demons

meant to see that he had virtually no chance at all. He

needed to know the worst of it. "What is the actual item

of decision?"

"You must be the recipient of at least one tear of love

or grief, from a creature who has no notion of its signifi-

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cance."

"The creature with whom you associate," V^EW)"5

amended. "No other."

And there it was. He had to evoke the severe sympathy

of an inferior and ignorant creature. "And how long will

I have to evoke this tear?"

' 'As long as your mortal body remains. If you become

mute and immobile without achieving it, your body will

behave in the manner of mortal entities: it will slowly

YON ILL WIND

starve to death. When it dies, the contest will be over, and

you will have lost."

X(A/N)th considered. They expected him to balk, and to

have to pay a forfeit for that. ' 'Agreed. Let me select my

mortal form for the occasion." He was thinking of becom-

ing a beautiful woman, because mortals shed tears very

readily over them. Or perhaps a winsome child: better yet.

"No. That's the last detail: I will select your mortal

form."

"But you could choose something difficult!"

"Exactly. It will be a real contest. Win it, and I will

concede that your creatures do have good behavior."

"You will concede more than that," X(A/Ny1' replied

grimly. "I accept your deal, and the other Demons will

watch to see that every aspect of it is honored."

. The other Demons nodded. This promised to be inter-

esting.

"Then assume your mortal coil," Demon JLKP/I)'" said

grandly. "A dragon ass, with the voice of an aqua duck.

Your role name is Nimby."

And before X(A/N)th could protest, he was in the Region

of Madness, in the form of a creature whose body was that

of a dragon with diagonal stripes of pastel pink and bilious

green, with the head of a Mundane donkey.

"Ouch," he muttered subvocally, but even then it was

the voice of an aqua duck, a sound like a cross between a

goblin holding his nose and the burble of noxious gas per-

colating through sewer water.

There was a stir on the surface of the cesspool that just

happened to be near. An aqua duck poked its head out of

the pool, evidently thinking to discover another of its kind.

Finding no such thing, it ducked below again, for such

ducks lived underwater, and had to hold their breaths to

forage for bugs on the surface.

And his name was now Nimby, which was an apt de-

scription, a digest of Not In My Back Yard: exactly where

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such a creature would be welcome. Nowhere.

He was in trouble. How would he convince anyone even

6 PIERS ANTHONY

to approach him, let alone shed a tear for him?

Well, he could look. He extended his awareness, cov-

ering all of the Land of Xanth. He knew what every crea-

ture was doing, and where every plant was. Xanth was

teeming with activity. Somewhere there should be some-

one who wouldn't be afraid of a dragon ass, who would

listen to what he had to say, and who would shed a tear

for him. Maybe not immediately, but in time, after getting

to know him. Because despite his ludicrous limitations, he

retained considerable power to please. If the one he ap-

proached had the wit to ask for it. If that one would take

him seriously.

But instead of finding a suitable person, he found an-

other problem. There had been a magic flux, the moment

he changed form, resulting in a temporary weakness of the

Interface. The spell required to fix him in this situation had

done it, for even the most trifling Demon magic was

stronger than that of all the lesser creatures combined. For

the next few hours, it would be possible for things to pass

through, entering Xanth without being twisted to some

other time. That could mean significant mischief. Ordinar-

ily he would automatically shore up the Interface to pre-

vent such a nuisance, but as Nimby he couldn't. It was his

policy to ignore the activities of his associated region, but

the Interface the local creatures had established was useful,

and helped keep things quiet, so he quietly supported it.

He just had to hope that nothing really obnoxious passed

from Mundania into Xanth, before the Interface healed it-

self.

It would be nice if the person he approached was ex-

tremely cooperative, and shed a tear for him immediately,

giving him the victory and freeing him. But since he

couldn't even say that he needed a tear, that being too

close to the truth, that seemed unlikely. However, if the

person asked him for information, he could provide it, and

if the person asked him to do something about the rift in

the Interface, then he could. Provided he did it in such a

way as to conceal his real nature. So there was a chance

YON ILL WIND 7

to fix the problem, during the course of the contest. If he

found the right person.

He concentrated on that, sifting through all the creatures

of the land. The great majority were plainly unsuitable.

Most were hopelessly locked into their situations, and

wouldn't have anything to do with a weird monster. In

fact, they would either flee it or attack it, depending on

the state of their courage. He needed someone reasonably

open-minded. That cut the prospects down to few.

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