
gaped at it and it gave him Nothing.
He wondered what time it was. He lifted his arm and turned his head and got
his ear to his watch. It was, thank God, still running. He looked at it. He
looked at it for a long time without moving. He seemed not to be able to read
it. At last he was able to understand that the numerals were the wrong way
round, mirror-reversed; 2 was where 10 should be, 8 where four should be. The
hands pointed to what should have been eleven minutes to eleven, but was, if
this watch really were running backwards, eleven minutes past one. And it was
running backwards. The sweep second-hand said so.
And do you know, Charlie, something under the terror and the wonderment said
to him, do you know, all you want to do, even now, is remember? there was the
terrible old battleax you got for Algebra 3 in high school, when you'd flunked
Algebra 1 and had to take it over, and had gone through Algebra 2 and Geometry
1 on your belly, and flunked Geometry 2 and had to take it over—remember? and
then for Algebra 3 you got this Miss Moran, and she was like IBM, with teeth.
And then one day you asked her about something that puzzled you a little and
the way she answered, you had to ask more . . . and she opened a door for you
that you never knew was there, and she herself became something . . . well,
after that, you watched her and knew what the frozen mein, the sharp
discipline, the sheer inhumanity of the woman was for. She was just waiting
for someone to come and ask her questions about mathematics a little beyond, a
little outside the book. And it was as if she had long ago despaired of
finding anyone that would. Why it meant so much to her was that she loved
mathematics in a way that made it a pity the word "love" had ever been used
for anything else. And also that from minute to minute she never knew if some
kid asking questions would be the last she'd ever know, or open a door for,
because she was dying of cancer, which nobody never even suspected until she
just didn't show up one day.
Charlie Johns looked at the faint oval hi the soft silver wall and wished Miss
Moran could be here. He also wished Laura could be here. He could remember
them both so clearly, yet they were so many years apart from each other (and
how many, he thought, looking at his wrist watch, how many years from me?) He
wished Mom could be here, and the Texas redhead. (She was the first time for
him, the redhead; and how would she mix with Mom? For that matter, how would
Laura mix with Miss Moran?)
He could not stop remembering; dared not, and did not want to stop. Because as
long as he kept remembering, he knew he was Charlie Johns; and although he
might be in a new place without knowing what time it was, he wasn't lost, no
one is ever lost, as long as he knows who he is.
Whimpering with effort, he got to his feet. He was so weak and muzzy-headed
that he could only stand by bracing his feet wide apart; he could only walk by
flailing his arms to keep his balance. He aimed for the faint oval line on the
wall because it was the only thing here to aim for, but when he tried to go
forward he progressed diagonally sidewise; it was like the time (he
remembered) at the fun house at Coney Island, where they get you in a room and
close it up and unbeknownst to you they tilt it a little to one side, you with
no outside reference; and only green mirrors to see yourself in. They used to
have to hose it out five, six times a day. He felt the same way now; but he
had an advantage; he knew who he was, and hi addition he knew he was sick. As
he stumbled on the soft curved part where the floor became wall, and sank on
one knee on the resilient silver, he croaked, "I'm not myself just now, that's
all." Then he heard his own words properly and leapt to his feet: "Yes I am!"
he shouted, "I am!"
He tottered forward, and since there was nothing to hold on the oval—it was