
world. I enjoyed having you under me, moaning and squirming and trying to
pretend that you weren't having just as good a time as I was. If it were my
choice I'd do it again, here and now or wherever else we happened to be. Your
mind welcomed me as warmly as your body did, and that was something I'd never
had before, even during the times I'd taken a woman when awakened. Why
shouldn't I find you desirable?"
I looked away from him as I felt my cheeks flare with heat, wishing he hadn't
been so cold-bloodedly graphic. In point of fact he'd raped me that night,
just as Garth had, and as far as I was concerned, it didn't matter that he'd
taken the trouble to make me enjoy it. But according to the laws of that world
it hadn't been rape, and my own opinion to the contrary didn't matter; even if
I had responded to him, even if he hadn't hurt me as he could have; it still
wasn't right.
I said, "It strikes me as odd that you didn't mention how desirable I was
until after I helped you with that shield. Someone with an overly suspicious
mind might have jumped to the conclusion that my desirability lay more in what
I could do for you that way than in any other area."
"Why, that's utterly ridiculous," Len laughed, but the laugh seemed a shade
too hearty, and his shield stayed tightly in place. "If you won't take my word
for it, just ask any man around here. You're a beautiful woman, Terry, and
attractive even beyond that. Why else would so many men be interested in you?"
"So many men," I echoed, seeing the difficulty he was having in keeping his
gaze on mine. "Men like Garth, who considers important women a personal
challenge, or like Daldrin, who had a taste of what a female empath could do
for him in the furs, or Tammad, who needs an empath he can control, to help
him build his shiny new world. Are those the admirers you're talking about,
Len? At least you've added your name to a distinguished roster."
"All right, maybe I was thinking more about you as an empath than as a woman,"
he suddenly admitted, his gaze now steady as he let me go. "But you can't be
serious about adding Tammad's name to that list. Terry, he's crazy about you,
and you damned well ought to know it. What more does he have to do than he's
already done?"
"Ah, all those wonderful things he's done," I nodded, folding my arms. "Like
kidnapping me from Alderan, and dragging me along with him against my will,
beating me to make me obey him and trying everything he can think of to get me
to work for him. But he's succeeded in one thing I can't deny, and that's
hooking me good and proper. That's why I can't believe anything he tells me."
"Come on, Terry, you're a trained Prime," Len protested, a mixture of
frustration and upset in his eyes. "Are you trying to make me believe that you
can't read Tammad well enough to know whether or not he's lying to you? Even I
could do that!"
"That's because you're not in love with him," I muttered, turning away to
stare at the faint footpath leading away from the pond and through the trees,
back toward Aesnil's palace. "If you were in love with him, everything he said
would be weighted down with the lure of possible truth, a truth you couldn't
quite make yourself believe in. If you believed him and it was true, your life
would be paradise from then on through forever. But if you believed him and it
wasn't true, the-horrible, unending pain-I've already had a couple of tastes
of that, Len. I think another taste would kill me. "
I didn't realize I'd closed my eyes until his hands came to my arms, silent
compassion and a pain-sharing flowing from his mind to mine. It seemed