Sharon Green - Terrillian 3 - Warrior Rearmed

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Terrilian III: The Warrior Rearmed
By Sharon Green
CHAPTER 1
I sat beside the pretty little blue pond, just in the shade of a nearby tree,
trying to rid myself of the gray mood of brooding. Constructive thought is
almost impossible in that kind of mood, but it had descended on me the night
before and I couldn't seem to shake it. With all the problems I had, I should
have been spending my time considering solutions, but all I felt capable of
tackling right then was sitting still and breathing in the fresh, clear air.
My mind was so close to being shut down from self-centered consideration, I
nearly missed the faint, unfamiliar mind trace. It was near enough to cause me
to focus on it immediately, but I hadn't been wrong in my first, fleeting
impression: there was a small, frightened animal somewhere in the grass near
me. On that planet it could have been something a lot more harmful, but I
hadn't been as frightened as I once would have been. I'd been growing on
Rimilia, but I still had a far distance to go.
In curiosity I touched the mind of the small animal, automatically soothing
its fright, and a bright-eyed head suddenly popped up above the grass to look
at me, sharing my curiosity. The animal was only a little above a foot long,
fluffy dark-red fur covering it, pointed ears above shiny black eyes, a small
button nose and mouth. The sight of it charmed me, and when the adorable
little thing saw and felt my smile, it moved toward me in small, delicate
hops, landing in my lap after quickly covering the ten feet between us. A
purring sound came when I began to stroke the soft, thick fur, the contentment
in its mind so strong it nearly acted as a balm on my own agitation. I turned
to look at the cool pond water as I continued to stroke the animal, and made
sure my gray mood was blocked from it completely.
"So there you are," a voice came a minute later from behind me, breaking into
the semi-trance of peace I'd almost fallen into. I wasn't totally startled,
and was able to calm the small animal in my lap before it could panic and
bolt. The voice had come from Lenham Phillips, a brother empath of mine, and
Len's calming thoughts joined mine as soon as he realized there was a mind
that needed calming. Len's abilities weren't as strong as mine, and he wore a
wry expression as he came up beside me to lower himself into the grass.
"Sorry about that," he said, gesturing toward the animal that had turned its
head to look at him. "I didn't realize you had company here. Tammad's been
searching for you, and he's getting more and more annoyed the longer he can't
find you. I think you'd better head back."
I just turned my face from him without saying anything, sending my attention
back to the tall shade trees and wide bushes all about us. I wasn't quite used
to seeing a man of my world dressed in the haddin of the men of Rimilia, but
Len felt as comfortable and natural in the brief body cloth as he had begun to
look. The newest addition to his wardrobe was a swordbelt, the wide hilt of
the weapon protruding from its top a still-unaccustomed thrill to the blond
man beside me. I knew that Len had been given his first lesson with a sword
that morning, and although he wasn't as big or accomplished as his teachers he
must have done well enough to please them. Len would have checked the truth of
their professed opinions in their minds, and if they hadn't really been
pleased his own mind wouldn't have glowed as it did.
"Terry, ignoring me won't change anything," Len said, stirring where he sat.
"Tammad agreed to let me try to find you, but if we don't show up pretty soon,
he'll come after you himself. You shouldn't have come out here alone to begin
with; once he sees you're safe and his worry disappears, all he'll be left
with will be anger."
"I don't care," I muttered, tightening my shield even more around my reactions
to the thought of Tammad's anger. No matter how strong I grew I still couldn't
seem to keep from turning pale and shaky at the thought of facing an irate
Tammad. The beast had more than one advantage over me-which brought me right
back to my original problems.
"The hell you don't care," Len snorted, reaching a hand out to stroke the side
of the small animal in my lap. "You've been jumping from one emotional
reaction to another since Tammad rebanded you last night, but indifference
wasn't part of the group. Frankly, I don't think you're capable of being
indifferent toward him."
The flash of anger I felt had to be two-thirds embarrassment, but that only
made it worse. I'd had enough embarrassments on that world to last anyone a
lifetime, and all the feeling made me want to do was strike back. Without
stopping to think about it I hurled a command at the little animal I held, and
not thinking about it made the action more effective. Accompanied by a growl
the animal's sharp, white teeth flashed toward Len's hand, causing him to
snatch it back with a yelp of startlement. If he hadn't moved so fast he would
have been bitten, and he wouldn't have been able to move so fast if he hadn't
caught the sudden attack rage in the animal's mind. The little animal, picking
up Len's burst of startlement and not understanding why it had briefly been
aggressive, hopped quickly out of my lap and disappeared into the grass,
ignoring my attempts to call it back. The calm I needed to calm its flurried
thoughts was beyond me then, and that made me more upset.
"Now see what you've done!" I snapped at Len, turning my head to glare at him.
"The little thing is gone and it's all your fault. Why didn't you leave me
alone?"
"My fault?" Len demanded, his blue eyes hardening at the accusation. "You
coerce it into attacking me, and its my fault? Terry, if I didn't owe you for
breaking me out of a slave cell in that city, I'd . . .
"You don't owe me for anything!" I interrupted, not liking the way his mind
firmed up behind his stone-hard stare. His thought patterns were more like a
Rimilian's than ever, and I wasn't used to coping with that sort of reaction
from him. "If I hadn't gotten you and Garth loose that night, you would have
been released the next day anyway. You don't owe me a thing. Not a thing!"
I turned in the grass and started to throw myself to my feet, but somehow Len
knew I was going to run from him. His hand might not have been as big as
Tammad's, but it was still big enough to flash out and wrap around my ankle to
hold me down. In desperation I kicked at him, frantic to get loose, but his
other hand caught my second ankle and I was down in the cool grass on my face,
caught the way I was always caught on that world. I struggled and tried to
kick out again, but a single twist forced me to my back, and then Len was
kneeling across me.
"That's more than enough," he said, grabbing my arms to hold me still. "If I
hadn't had some success in copying that shield you developed, I'd be flat on
the ground from that whirlpool of frenzy you've been leaking. You're going to
tell me what's bothering you, Terry, and then we're going to talk it over like
two adults. Walking around shielded all the time is too much like being
unawakened, and I don't want to have to do it any longer."
I stared up at him, feeling the constriction he was talking about, but somehow
helpless to do anything about it. My thoughts were like a whirlpool, twisting
around and around without going anywhere, dragging me farther down into the
depths and taking more of my strength the longer I fought them. I stirred
against the unyielding grip of his hands, having not the faintest idea of
where to begin, but the spinning had enough ideas of its own.
"Len, it isn't true that the Amalgamation would sell me, is it?" I blurted,
distantly shocked that I'd had the nerve to put that particular problem into
words. "They wouldn't just-hand me over to the first man who had something
they wanted, and who decided he wanted me? They'd remember how long I'd worked
for them, and that I was one of them, and refuse to turn their backs on
me-wouldn't they?"
He stared down at me with no expression on his handsome face, but through my
shield and his I had the distinct impression that his thoughts were a blur.
His hands left my arms to brush the ends of my hair free of my face, then he
sat himself beside me in the grass again.
"Well, I guess I asked for it," he muttered, running a hand through the blond
hair that was slowly growing toward the length that Rimilian men wore it at.
"Terry, I'd lie to you if I could, but I haven't the strength to hold this
shield up much longer. The truth is-I don't know. I know I was there when
Murdock McKenzie refused to give back whatever price Tammad paid for you, but
you've been involved in this a lot longer than I have. Do you think they'd
give up all claims on a Prime just for-whatever Tammad paid?"
"I don't know," I said, shaking my head automatically as I sat up in the
grass. "I don't even know what it was that he paid. All I know is that he said
they abandoned me-and then closed me in these chains to prove the point."
I looked down at the bronze bands on my wrists and ankles, feeling the one
around my neck even if I couldn't see it, knowing they were all beyond a
woman's strength to open. The light, small-linked chains marked me as Tammad's
property, his beyond argument or offer. I hated being locked in chain; to me
it was a measure of things on that world that being five-banded was the
highest distinction a woman could achieve.
"So that's why you went so wild when he banded you," Len said, staring at me
soberly. "I wasn't that far away when it happened, but I thought you were just
being difficult again. Terry, can't you understand that it's necessary for a
woman to be banded on this world? Did Tammad say he was banding you to prove
possession, or is that just your own idea?"
"Oh, I just snatched the thought out of the blue," I answered, staring back at
him. "The fact that all women on this world are possessions didn't count in
the least. Neither did the coincidence that he did it right after I told him
again that I refused to obey him or stay with him. Whenever I insist that I'm
leaving this world he pretends he doesn't hear me--except for last night, when
he trotted the chains out. You must be right, Len. It's all my imagination."
"You're still ignoring the necessity for banding," Len answered, surprising me
by not reacting to my sarcasm. "Women who aren't banded are up for grabs in
this society; Tammad's just making sure no one grabs without knowing what he's
getting into. Don't you care that he's willing to fight to keep you?"
"Why would I care?" I asked with brows raised high. "It isn't as if he could
die trying to keep me, or that whoever killed him would then be entitled to
claim complete possession of me. It isn't even as if he has one fight already
lined up, and wanted to announce his answer to the challenge by five-banding
me. These chains are just cultural decorations, best ignored if not forgotten
about entirely. Right, Len?"
"Terry, do you really think you're going to change anything by fighting it?"
he asked, compassion joining the calm in his voice and eyes. "Everyone on this
planet must know how you feel about being a possession, but Tammad also knows
how you really feel about him and he won't let you go. He doesn't mind risking
his life fighting for you, and the best thing you can do is accept the risk
the way he does."
"Accept it?" I exploded, furious that he'd even suggest such a thing. "Accept
the fact that he'd be dead and I'd belong to someone else'? If he died I
wouldn't care what happened to me; do you think I could live knowing he was
dead because of me? No matter how happy he was to take the risk? You'd better
know I won't stand for it, Len. Do you hear me? I won't stand for it!"
I'd exploded so far out of control again, I didn't realize what was happening
until it was almost too late to stop it. My shield had thinned further and
further until it was totally gone, and all the fury and rage and frustration I
felt came pouring out of my mind at Len, covering his shield and bearing down
hard. His handsome face twisted as though he'd been stabbed with a knife and
his right hand went up in a feeble gesture, as though my mental onslaught
could be stopped by physical means. His mind resisted mine for no more than
seconds, and then he collapsed back on the ground at the same time that his
shield gave way. But his shield fell inward rather than fading, and the oddity
of that caught my attention enough so that I suddenly realized what I was
doing. I cut the projection an instant before it touched him, then discovered
that I was trembling all over, the infamous cold sweat covering me in a way
I'd always considered to be pure fiction. Close calls were supposed to bring
on that sort of reaction, along with the pale face and closed eyes that had
settled on Len. I took a shaky breath and put a weakened hand to my head,
wondering if I looked as bad as he did.
"Len, I'm sorry," I said after I'd wet my lips with a dry tongue. "I didn't
mean to-whatever it was I did. Are you all right?"
"I'll let you know as soon as my heart starts beating again," he gasped,
opening his eyes to struggle back to an upright position. Once he was sitting
again he ran both hands through his hair, then looked at me bleakly. "Do you
have any idea what that felt and looked like from my end? I don't believe I'm
still in one piece."
"I think I'm afraid to ask," I mumbled, paying a lot of attention to the pond
and the bushes and grass around it. My abilities were growing on Rimilia, but
not in a nice, slow, acceptable fashion. Anger and fear seemed to trigger that
growth, leaving me to find myself doing things I'd never even considered
doing-or thought that I could do-before it happened. Coping with the abilities
was turning out to be easier than coping with the surprises; deciding whether
or not I was pleased to have all of it was another matter entirely.
"It was like a-a giant, rushing storm," Len said, and a corner of the fear
he'd felt showed briefly in his eyes. "The lightning had substance and the
thunder had weight, and I knew that if it touched me I'd be crushed and
shattered, both at the same time. Terry, I don't know what you're feeling
because you're shielded again, but if that's what's behind the shield, you'd
better get it resolved fast, with or without help. The next time you might not
be able to pull back."
"Speaking of shields, let's discuss yours," I said, ignoring everything else
he'd said. If I'd tried thinking about any of it, especially the not being
able to stop part, I'd have gotten a lot more practice in hysteria.
"What about my shield?" Len asked, not really distracted. "I know it isn't as
strong as yours, but it's better than anything I thought I'd have. I never
even considered a shield until I saw yours.
"That's at least half our problem," I grumbled, feeling an uncomfortable
mixture of anger and frustration and disquiet. "We're conditioned into
thinking about our abilities only when we're Mediating, and not much even
then. Every time I find myself doing something new, it's a shock."
"It wouldn't be as much of a shock if we also weren't conditioned against
experimenting," Len agreed, getting to his feet to move the three steps
necessary to get to the pond's edge. "How can we know what we're capable of if
we don't experiment?"
I watched him crouch down and put his hands in the water, then raise them
dripping to his face, where he held them for a long minute without moving. It
was on its way to being a hot, sticky day, but that wasn't why Len had needed
the water. I knew why he needed it, but the guilt I'd been feeling was crowded
out by outraged indignation.
"Would you repeat that statement?" I said, letting my stare burn into him as I
shifted in the grass. "I'd like to be absolutely sure I heard right before I
kill you dead where you stand."
He turned a faint frown in my direction, not understanding immediately, then
the dawn arrived to erase the dripping frown and fill his light eyes with
memory. Not too many days earlier, Len had helped Tammad punish me for the
experimenting I'd done, telling me how foolish and dangerous it was for an
empath to do something like that. He'd frightened me so badly that I still
shuddered when I thought about it; now he had the nerve to complain that we
weren't doing enough of the very thing he'd been so dead set against. I opened
my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought of him, but he got his parry in
first.
"You still haven't said what you were going to say about my shield," he
interrupted, letting the words come out calm and interested as he wiped his
face with his forearm. "Do you have a suggestion for improving it?"
"The only suggestion I have for you would be anatomically difficult!" I
snapped, rising onto my knees with my fists clenched. "You put me through
hell, and then calmly decide that you've changed your mind? I think I'll
decide to beat you over the head with something!"
"I haven't changed my mind the way you mean it," he said, still maintaining
that infuriating calm. "We need to experiment with our abilities, but inside
ourselves, not on other people. Experimenting on the people around you is a
good way of committing suicide."
"Len, there is no other way of experimenting except on the people around us!"
I insisted. "Being an empath means interacting with other people; you can't
interact all by yourself! And that shield you're forcing didn't do much to
keep Garth with you when you two and Tammad were captured, now did it? You had
to work directly on the men who captured you, didn't you? You took a chance to
get what you wanted, and it paid off without anyone knowing you did anything,
now didn't it?"
"I was lucky," he said, his tone as flat as the look in his eyes was decisive.
"I could just as easily have gotten caught-and lynched for it. It's a risk I
won't take again until I get a lot better with this sword I've been given, and
maybe not even then. Now, what did you mean about my 'forcing' my shield?"
I stared at him for a minute without answering, wishing I could deep probe him
without his knowing about it. Was he really that afraid of using his
abilities, or was he trying to talk me out of using mine`? We both knew I was
a lot stronger than he; was he just trying to keep me manageable by scaring
me? I didn't know what difference the answer would make, but I would have
enjoyed knowing the truth.
"The shield you're projecting is almost a physical effort," I said at last,
settling back on my heels. "You're pushing up on a cloud of confusion to hide
your thoughts and feelings, rather than using an actual shield. Try relaxing
completely and then sensing around yourself. Do you feel something hovering
just past awareness, something your mind is automatically pushing away and
keeping unformed?"
Len frowned where he crouched by the pond, as he searched around inside
himself, his search a struggle I could feel as I reached toward him with my
own mind. I couldn't help him with the struggle, it was something he had to do
for himself, but guiding him was another story.
"You're pushing too hard," I said in a murmur, passing on some calm to ease
the tightness and anxiety he was falling into. "Relax a little more and let
the sensations come to you rather than chasing after them. Softly, gently,
relax and become aware."
"I think I have it," he gasped after another minute, the sweat of non-physical
exertion mingling with the drops of pond water on his face. "It's like a sheer
bubble I've been keeping at arm's length without knowing it. It doesn't take
any effort to keep it away; the effort comes in when I think about bringing it
close. Just as if it were on a spring."
"You don't need effort to bring it close," I denied, remembering my own first
tries with the shield. "If you try to force it close you'll lose your grip on
it. Just let it come close, as if you were allowing the sensation of sweet,
fresh air touching your skin to enter your awareness. It's hovering there,
waiting for permission to ease close. Give it permission, Len."
His handsome face had tightened because of the struggle, matching the fists
his hands had become where his arms rested across his thighs. His entire body
showed a forced rigidity-until suddenly it was completely gone, and a look of
surprised pleasure covered his face.
"It's easy!" he exclaimed with the delight of a child, his mind now tightly
enclosed by a smooth, shining, impervious sphere. "You don't have to hold it
up, you don't have to force it; it's the next thing to a magical wish. Decide
that you want it and it's there. "
"It sure is," I said, for the first time able to examine a shield from the
outside. It seemed totally untouchable, and I began to wonder how smart I'd
been in helping Len form it. If I couldn't figure out some way of breaking
through it, I'd never be able to touch him mentally again without his
permission. The thought was beginning to bother me, but suddenly I pushed it
away with disgust. The day I became convinced I had to reach and control
everyone in range was the day I needed to be stopped permanently.
"It's beautiful," Len breathed, bringing my attention back to the calm
pleasure he showed. "Just as beautiful and natural as you are, Terry. I can
understand why Tammad would risk his life to keep you. If he weren't around,
I'd take a stab at it myself. I still haven't forgotten how good you were in
the Hamarda camp."
For the second time that day I opened my mouth to shout at him, but that time
I didn't need anyone else to interrupt me. I'd run out of words to say to that
particular sentiment a long time ago, leaving me with nothing but a very
strong awareness of how much I was wanted for what I could do rather than what
sort of person I was. I stared at him for the briefest instant before standing
up and turning away, but I hadn't gone more than four steps before he was
right behind me, his big hands on my arms pulling me to a halt.
"You ought to know by now that being told how desirable you are isn't
something you can run away from on this world," he said, his tone more amused
than annoyed that that was exactly what I'd tried to do. He turned me around
to face him again, but his grin faded and died when he saw the silent tears
rolling down my cheeks. I may have hated that world and its ways, but in that
one respect it was no different from any other world in the Amalgamation.
Everyone wanted me-but not for the right reasons.
"Terry, why are you crying?" Len asked, gently pulling me closer to his chest
and putting his arms around me in comfort. "You know I won't touch you without
Tammad's permission, and neither will any other man around here. I was just
trying to tell you how I feel, in the way that's most natural in this culture.
It's supposed to please you-not make you cry."
His hand coaxed my head down onto his chest, but I stood there stiffly even as
the flow of tears increased, beyond all comforting and consolation. The pretty
green and gold day had become covered over with the dingy gray of personal
disillusionment, one I couldn't bring myself to accept. Even Len-who should
have been an exception-wanted me only for my abilities. Len's breath drew in
sharply as his mind touched mine, and then his hand was at my face, raising it
to the concern in his eyes.
"Why are you hurting like that?" he demanded, his new shield quiveringly ready
to snap tight. "Nothing I said should have caused you such pain! Terry, tell
me what I did to hurt you!"
"You didn't do any more than anyone else," I whispered, pushing at him to make
him let me go. "You and Tammad and Daldrin and Garth, and everyone else in the
whole damned universe. Let go of me, Len, I've got to be by myself for a
while."
"You've been by yourself long enough without it doing any good," he said,
tightening his grip to hold me where I was. I struck at him with my mind, but
his shield was suddenly there to bounce me off harmlessly. "And that won't do
you any good either," he said, referring to the shake I'd given his shield.
"You weren't faking that pain, and I'm going to know what caused it. Now."
"Sure," I nodded, ignoring the way his hand wiped at the wetness on one of my
cheeks. "As if it'll make any difference. Tell me why you suddenly find me so
desirable, Len."
He hesitated briefly as he looked down at me, trying to see into me with his
eyes rather than his shielded mind, then gave up the useless effort.
"I've always found you desirable," he said, making it sound like a comment on
the weather. "When I finally got to use you that night it didn't end those
feelings, it reinforced them. If you expected me to lie about the pleasure I
felt, or act ashamed and pretend it never happened, you're living in a dream
world. I enjoyed having you under me, moaning and squirming and trying to
pretend that you weren't having just as good a time as I was. If it were my
choice I'd do it again, here and now or wherever else we happened to be. Your
mind welcomed me as warmly as your body did, and that was something I'd never
had before, even during the times I'd taken a woman when awakened. Why
shouldn't I find you desirable?"
I looked away from him as I felt my cheeks flare with heat, wishing he hadn't
been so cold-bloodedly graphic. In point of fact he'd raped me that night,
just as Garth had, and as far as I was concerned, it didn't matter that he'd
taken the trouble to make me enjoy it. But according to the laws of that world
it hadn't been rape, and my own opinion to the contrary didn't matter; even if
I had responded to him, even if he hadn't hurt me as he could have; it still
wasn't right.
I said, "It strikes me as odd that you didn't mention how desirable I was
until after I helped you with that shield. Someone with an overly suspicious
mind might have jumped to the conclusion that my desirability lay more in what
I could do for you that way than in any other area."
"Why, that's utterly ridiculous," Len laughed, but the laugh seemed a shade
too hearty, and his shield stayed tightly in place. "If you won't take my word
for it, just ask any man around here. You're a beautiful woman, Terry, and
attractive even beyond that. Why else would so many men be interested in you?"
"So many men," I echoed, seeing the difficulty he was having in keeping his
gaze on mine. "Men like Garth, who considers important women a personal
challenge, or like Daldrin, who had a taste of what a female empath could do
for him in the furs, or Tammad, who needs an empath he can control, to help
him build his shiny new world. Are those the admirers you're talking about,
Len? At least you've added your name to a distinguished roster."
"All right, maybe I was thinking more about you as an empath than as a woman,"
he suddenly admitted, his gaze now steady as he let me go. "But you can't be
serious about adding Tammad's name to that list. Terry, he's crazy about you,
and you damned well ought to know it. What more does he have to do than he's
already done?"
"Ah, all those wonderful things he's done," I nodded, folding my arms. "Like
kidnapping me from Alderan, and dragging me along with him against my will,
beating me to make me obey him and trying everything he can think of to get me
to work for him. But he's succeeded in one thing I can't deny, and that's
hooking me good and proper. That's why I can't believe anything he tells me."
"Come on, Terry, you're a trained Prime," Len protested, a mixture of
frustration and upset in his eyes. "Are you trying to make me believe that you
can't read Tammad well enough to know whether or not he's lying to you? Even I
could do that!"
"That's because you're not in love with him," I muttered, turning away to
stare at the faint footpath leading away from the pond and through the trees,
back toward Aesnil's palace. "If you were in love with him, everything he said
would be weighted down with the lure of possible truth, a truth you couldn't
quite make yourself believe in. If you believed him and it was true, your life
would be paradise from then on through forever. But if you believed him and it
wasn't true, the-horrible, unending pain-I've already had a couple of tastes
of that, Len. I think another taste would kill me. "
I didn't realize I'd closed my eyes until his hands came to my arms, silent
compassion and a pain-sharing flowing from his mind to mine. It seemed
particularly odd that I, who could generate trust in anyone around me,
couldn't find any of that precious quantity for the one man in the universe I
would give my life for. I tried to hold back my reaction to that feeling, but
I'd held it back so long that it was overwhelming. Too much of it exploded
from my mind-right at Len, who was wide open and entirely off guard. His
strangled, tormented cry spun me around, just in time to see him fold
bonelessly to the ground, his hands falling limply away from his head where
he'd frantically pulled them. I stood rooted for one eternal instant, then
turned and ran back up the path.
My race through the bushes and trees was one big blur of green and brown,
punctuated by the reaching out of branches and roots, tearing at my gown and
tripping my feet. The stroll out to the pond had taken about ten minutes;
racing back at top speed took hours longer. I was on the verge of collapsing
along with my lungs when I burst through the small side door of the palace,
startling the guards so badly that they nearly drew on me before they realized
I wasn't attacking. I tried to speak through the heaving and gasping of my
body, discovered it was impossible, then tried again anyway, waving my arm
back in the direction I'd come from and mewling incoherently. The idiots
didn't understand the gestures or any of the single words I managed to force
out, and when heavy, hurried footsteps brought more men on the scene, I found
out why. The newcomers were Tammad's l'lendaa, led by Loddar, a man of
enviable composure. His immediate appearance with the other warriors from
Tammad's city let me know they'd probably been looking for me, and he stopped
in front of me to put his hands on my shoulders.
"Calmly, wenda, calmly," he soothed, speaking the Rimilian language with
deliberate slowness. "Neither these other l'lendaa nor we understand the
tongue of your people. You must speak in our tongue if we are to assist you."
"Out . . . by the pond," I gasped, this time speaking Rimilian in between
panting. "Lenham . . . I have caused . . . him harm. You must . . . help him."
Loddar frowned, but he turned to look at one of the three men stationed at the
door.
"Do you know the location of this pond she speaks of?" he asked. "I would have
her guide us to the place, were my denday not awaiting her return. The man in
need of aid is a brother of ours. "
"The pond is easily found," answered one of the three, a man as large and
blond as all Rimilian males were. The three guards wore baggy trousers and
loose shirts and leather sandals rather than the simple haddinn of Tammad's
l'lendaa, and all three were sweating. "You need only follow the clear path
into the small woods, which lies beyond the garden without this door. The path
will lead you to the pond."
"My thanks, l'lenda," Loddar nodded, then turned to the four men with him. "Do
you hasten to this pond and search out Lenham," he directed in a low voice.
"When you have returned with him, bring word to the denday of how he fares."
"Plittar," answered one of the four for all of them, a casual word carrying
the general meaning of "anything you say," with uncaring shrug appended, a
word never used to a denday. They turned then and left the palace, stretching
their stride but not really hurrying. If I'd had the breath I would have
screamed at them to move faster, and then I remembered I didn't need to shout
or scream. I reached out to their four minds and planted a strident sense of
urgency in front of their attention, and had the pleasure of hearing their
steps turn into a trot before Loddar's voice brought me back to the palace
corridor.
"Is that where you had taken yourself, wench?" he was asking, the disapproval
he felt carefully missing from his tone. "You did not ask the denday's
permission before departing, nor were you properly escorted. Tammad will not
be pleased."
I could have answered him if I'd had to, but I used my continuing need to take
deep breaths of air to maintain a momentary silence. Loddar had been better to
me than most people on that world-not good, but better-and didn't really
deserve the sort of answer I'd been about to snap at him. I drew in three
breaths, then a fourth, then finally nodded at him.
"You are surely correct in all that you say," I agreed, keeping my tone as
unaccusing as his had been. "Now, as there are other matters awaiting me, I
must leave you."
I began to turn away from him, prepared to leave things as they stood as long
as he did, but he didn't leave them that way long. Even before I was fully
turned away, his hand came to my arm.
"Wenda, there is no more than one matter awaiting you," he said, his
still-calm tone tinged with the beginnings of annoyance. "Tammad awaits you,
and will be kept waiting no longer than the time required for me to take you
to his chambers. What awaits you beyond that is for the denday to speak of."
I turned my head back to look at him, letting no expression show on my face.
The first and easiest step was to soothe his annoyance, and then I was able to
work. His strong sense of duty needed accomplishment-already-attained to
weaken it, but once that was done the unconcern and indifference were slid in
its place without his fighting them. Loddar's emotions were of a chore
successfully accomplished, and his uncritical, reasoning mind followed right
along, accepting the feelings as natural and unarguable. His hand left my arm
as he turned away, already forgetting about me, looking toward the doorway out
as though considering the idea of following the men he'd sent after Len. I
turned again in the opposite direction and walked up the corridor, aware of
the stares and fear coming from the three door guards, but too weary and
disgusted to worry about them. The guards had undoubtedly heard stories about
me from others of the palace guard, about my secret powers and how I'd used
them for their Chama Aesnil. That fearful people often removed the object of
their fear with violence made the situation a dangerous one, but at that point
I couldn't have cared less. I was so upset and confused, it was a miracle I'd
been able to work through it.
The palace corridors were large and airy and beautiful, but I saw little more
than my own inner turmoil as I walked, my outer awareness touching only the
route I took to the destination I'd decided on. Tammad was probably in the
apartment which had originally been mine, and he was the last one I wanted to
see just then. I needed a quiet place to sort out my thoughts and try to
understand what was happening to me; quiet was not what I'd find around
Tammad. I walked the smoothly polished stone of the corridors, passing silent
guards and hurrying slaves, ignoring them all as I ignored the walls and rooms
and courtyards I passed. I was intent on only one room, a room I'd
appropriated once before, and it was a good distance away from the entrance
I'd come in by.
Reaching the room and slipping inside was both a relief and a surprise, the
surprise centering around the fact that I'd met no others of Tammad's men on
the way. I didn't know how many of them he'd sent out looking for me, but even
the ones who hadn't been sent out would have known enough to stop me if they
saw me. I leaned on the door to make sure it was closed, then walked toward
摘要：

TerrilianIII:TheWarriorRearmedBySharonGreenCHAPTER1Isatbesidetheprettylittlebluepond,justintheshadeofanearbytree,tryingtoridmyselfofthegraymoodofbrooding.Constructivethoughtisalmostimpossibleinthatkindofmood,butithaddescendedonmethenightbeforeandIcouldn'tseemtoshakeit.WithalltheproblemsIhad,Ishouldh...

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