Sharon Green - Terrillian 4 - Warrior Challenged

The Warrior Challenged

By Sharon Green

Chapter 1

I sat on the carpet fur among the cushions, my eyes closed, feeling the faint,

unimaginative sadness brush at me. As sadness it was no more than mild regret,

about as compelling as having missed that dull meeting you had decided to go

to, but then forgot about. I sighed at the thin-bloodedness of the sadness,

then shook my head.

"That wouldn't be enough to get a blink out of a chronic hysteric," I told him

without opening my eyes. "Try it again, and this time make me cry."

A surge of annoyance and frustration daggered through the weakling sadness,

strong enough to make me flinch if I hadn't been guarding against it, and then

he made a sound that was half growl and half vexation.

"Should it be your wish to weep, wenda, there are other means of achieving

that," he said in that dangerous, deep-voiced way of his. "As my efforts in

this manner fail to please you, it shall likely soon become my duty to fetch a

switch. "

"Threatening the teacher isn't allowed," I answered with a laugh, finally

opening my eyes to look at him. Tammad lay stretched out on the carpeting not

far from me, one big leg bent comfortably at the knee, the rest of his giant

body not as relaxed as it should have been. His swordbelt was conspicuous by

its absence, leaving him nothing but the green haddin he wore wrapped around

his loins, and his leather wristbands. His blond-haired head was crammed full

with feelings of rebellion and resentment, feelings he wasn't used to

experiencing without being able to do something about them, and his blue eyes

said his threat had been only half joking. Tammad was getting impatient with

his progress-or lack of it-and was having trouble controlling that impatience.

"If this isn't working out it's only because you're not trying hard enough," I

told him with feigned calm. Tammad loved me, I knew he did, but if he decided

to look around for something to punish me for, he would not have to look very

far. I'd only gotten my empathetic ability back a couple of days earlier, but

I'd spent a good deal of that time experimenting with the changes I'd noticed.

Tammad didn't like the idea of my experimenting, and if he found out about it

I'd really be in for it.

"If this isn't working out, it's only because you're not trying hard enough,"

I told him as his pretty blue eyes, looked annoyed; I was trying to sound firm

and teacher-like instead of nervous. "And if you're scandalized over being

taught by a woman instead of another man, you have only yourself to blame. Len

was perfectly willing to put you through these exercises, but he couldn't do

it with his head splitting apart. Which was your doing.'

"A doing which I truly regret," Tammad said with a sigh, accepted-guilt now

flowing through his mind. "To give pain to one attempting to aid you is not an

action of honor, even should that action be involuntary, as mine was. I

continue to have no understanding as to why it should have occurred."

"That's because you can't see yourself from the outside," I said, immediately

soothing the ache I could feel in him as I pushed the skirt of my gown aside

so I could crawl to him. "Your entire life has been aimed at being better than

the other men around you, toward making yourself their leader. A leader

dominates, always, and that's what you were doing to Len when he tried to

teach you. He can do something you can't, but you weren't about to allow that

to keep you from being denday over him. Len isn't strong enough to block your

output without shielding, and if he shields he can't teach you. If he doesn't

shield-well, he ends up with the kind of headache he did end up with. He knows

you weren't doing it on purpose, but he also knows that doesn't make any

difference. He doesn't have the strength to fend you off and teach you at the

same time, so you're stuck with me."

"A wenda who does indeed have the necessary strength," he murmured, putting

those big hands to my sides to pull me down closer to him. "For teaching as

well as other, more pleasurable pursuits."

"Indeed, hamak," I murmured in Rimilian, Tammad's language, putting my hands

to his face. "This wenda shall ever have strength for her beloved, for he is

her sadendrak, the one who gives meaning to her life in all things. Perhaps a

short rest would now be advisable, to conserve the strength of one who learns,

for other, more pleasurable pursuits."

I leaned down to put my lips on his, feeling again that I would never get

enough of him no matter what, and he wasted no time putting his hand behind my

head and returning the kiss. I could feel the growl of desire beginning in

him, just as it usually did when he looked at me or put his hands on me, but

then the heavy calm swirled into his mind, the calm he used as both a shield

and a control over his own emotions. He took full pleasure out of the kiss we

shared, but when it was over he simply lifted me away from his chest.

"As this one must learn, best would be that we continue with the lessons," he

said, his light eyes showing the calm behind them, his mind firmly made up.

"As I must depart soon to join the Chamd Rellis for a meal, we must leave

other things for another time. For what reason were you displeased with my

efforts?"

"If you had made the effort, I wouldn't be displeased," I muttered, staring at

him darkly from where I sat on the carpeting, hating the way he could ignore

me as I'd never been able to ignore him. "Does Rellis mean more to you than I

do?"

"The Chamd Rellis is our host, wenda," he answered gently with only the hint

of a grin in his eyes, one hand stroking my arm. "To refuse the invitation of

one's host to a meal, or even to appear later than the appointed time, is to

give insult to one who has given hospitality. That you find great joy in

squirming beneath me is known to me, yet were you given such joy when we

awoke, and will be given the same again later. Might Rellis not be given a

small portion of the attention which is rightfully yours, in return for the

welcome we have had in his house?"

The grin had by that time spread to his face, most likely due to the way I was

blushing I wouldn't have described my enjoyment quite the way he had, and it

was enough to make me back off in embarrassment just the way he'd wanted me to

do. I was learning that he didn't have to hand out orders to make me obey him,

and the revelation was less of an interesting discovery than a nasty surprise.

"I'm thinking about hating you," I stated as I leaned both arms on his chest

to look straight down at him, trying to put a growl in my voice. "I'm also

thinking about raping you."

"Should you find it possible, you have my permission to do so," he came back

with a broadened grin and a chuckle, his eyes shining. "I am now aware that

you would find the first as difficult to achieve as the second. Are you

prepared as yet to discuss the reason for your displeasure with my efforts to

learn?"

"I'll be glad to discuss my reasons," I agreed with annoyance, wishing I could

find a way to rape that big hulk of a warrior. "Your efforts were unacceptable

because they didn't have any-" I quickly lowered my face to his shoulder, sank

my teeth into it hard enough for him to feel, then raised my head to his

startled outrage and finished, "-bite."

"Perhaps, woman, it would be best if I were to fetch a switch after all," he

growled angrily. The look in his eyes hardened as he began projecting that

deadly promise effect, but I'd been expecting it and was already shielding.

"There, that's what you were missing!" I pounced, my pointing finger startling

him out of the anger. "You have enough strength to project any emotion you

like, but the only ones that get that strength are the emotions of violence.

You have to learn to push behind the others just as you do with anger and

outrage; otherwise you're wasting your time."

"I dislike your manner of evoking the reactions you seek," he grumbled,

bringing one hand up to rub at his bitten shoulder, his eyes still displeased

with me but lacking that you've-had-it outrage which usually means I'm in

trouble. "How am I to put strength behind those feelings which normally have

no strength of their own?"

"All emotions have strength of their own," I retorted, leaning down again to

kiss the place where I'd bitten, at the same time using pain control. There

hadn't been that much pain to begin with, but kissing-it-to-make-it-better

takes on new meaning when a Prime empath indulges in it, something that made

Tammad chuckle again.

"An emotion doesn't have to be strong to have strength," I continued, looking

down into his eyes as I toyed with the blond hair on the unbelievably broad

chest I rested against. "What you gave me for sadness was this," and I

replayed the faint regret, "when you should have given me this." I reshaped

the emotion and brushed him with it, the feeling of loss that one has been

expecting yet nevertheless deeply regrets. "Or this," I added, making the loss

unexpected and moving, the sort to bring tears to your eyes. Then I changed it

to an opportunity gone that might have been more than worthwhile if it had

been acted on, and the broad body under me squirmed in discomfort, the

swirling calm trying ineffectively to block me out. "When you're sending an

emotion, don't try to imagine it, fee! it. Let it touch you before sending it

on its way, even if it's an emotion a l'lenda doesn't usually allow himself to

feel. If a person doesn't believe the emotion you're projecting he won't feel

it the way you want him to, so you -have to make it real. The more real it is

to the two of you, the more it will be felt."

"There are no emotions a l'lenda refuses to feel," he corrected, reaching up

to brush a strand of hair from my shoulder. "Should a man refuse to allow

himself to feel, soon he will become no man at all. Merely do I find

difficulty with this-sending-you attempt to teach."

"You're not finding difficulty with it," I corrected in turn, producing a

sharpened look in the blue eyes watching me. "When someone says they're having

trouble with something, that usually means they're trying but not making it.

You, on the other hand, are not making it because you're not trying. You think

what I'm teaching you is dishonorable."

"Indeed do I feel it dishonorable," he grudged, not happy with the admission

but not wanting to lie. "I continue to feel that to invade the being of

another is completely lacking in honor, yet was I given this-gift-without

having been consulted. I must learn the control of it so that I do not intrude

without being aware of it."

Only two days earlier, when I had regained my empathetic abilities after

thinking they were gone forever, my brother empath Len Phillips had discovered

that Tammad, the man who had banded me, was a strong, natural empath himself.

Tammad was trying to hide the bitterness he felt, the deep-down despair that

something like that had to happen to him, and I knew exactly how he felt.

Asking, Why me? had filled a large portion of my self-dialogue in the months

just past, and knowing it had to be someone didn't do a damned thing to make

acceptance easier.

"There are other reasons to learn that you should like better," I said,

putting my hand to his face as I let my compassion touch him so that I might

share his pain. "Once you have the control you need, you not only won't

intrude accidently, the choice will be entirely yours whether you intrude at

all. And don't forget that if Len's guess is right, most of the men on this

world are empaths. If you happen to run into one who can control the ability,

you won't be at a disadvantage. Learning control will be just like getting

better with a sword. There's nothing dishonorable about getting better with a

sword, is there?"

"No, hama, there is nothing dishonorable in increasing one's ability with a

sword," he agreed with a soft smile, accepting not so much what I'd said as

the reason I'd said it. He knew as well as I that he would have to come to

terms with his doubts by himself, but I'd also wanted him to know I was there

to help him, to make the time as easy and acceptable as possible. He did know

that now, in a way untalented people could never experience, and when I

touched him with the love I felt, he fumbled briefly to copy the emotion and

send it back to me before drawing me closer for another kiss. There was no

desire in that kiss, only the sort of pure love we had touched each other

with, and when I raised my head to look at him again, we were both smiling.

"And that's another benefit in learning control," I said, spreading my hands

out to enjoy the hard-muscled feel of his shoulders and arms. "You can tell

someone you love them even in a crowd of people, and no one else has to know

about it. Or, at least, I can do that. You still haven't learned to narrow

your projection enough. If anyone else had been in this room a minute ago,

they would have felt awfully well loved. Your projection was fat."

"Fat!" he repeated in mock outrage, his eyes twinkling as he shook his head at

me. "I show the woman the size of my love, and she deems it overfleshed! I

shall be certain to bring a switch when I return."

"Don't you dare!" I laughed, knowing this time he was doing nothing more than

teasing me, and then it came to me that that might be just the time I'd been

looking for to ask him about the strange urge I'd had lately. I didn't know

what his reaction would be, but I'd known from the first that even the asking

would have to be carefully timed.

"I think I had best be on my way now," he said before I could get my request

phrased just right, stretching where he lay. "Sit up now, hama, so that I

might rise and retrieve my sword. "

"Tammad, wait," I blurted, reluctant to let the opportunity slip away.

"There's something I want to ask you first."

"My answer is what it was, wenda," he said with a grin, reaching one big hand

out to stroke my bottom. "When I return I will give you the joy you crave."

"That's not what I meant," I protested, upset all over again at the new blush

I could feel in my cheeks. I also wanted to push his stroking hand away from

my bottom, but that was something I knew he'd never allow. "What I want to

know is if you would be willing to teach me something in return for what I'm

teaching you. A trade of skills, so to speak, so that both of us will

benefit."

"It pleases me that you wish to learn, Terril," he said, and I could feel the

strong approval in his mind. "There are, however, those who are far more

qualified than I to teach cooking and such. Best would be that you await the

return to our city, where there are sufficient wendaa to teach you what . . .

. "

"You don't understand-" I interrupted, forcing myself to get the words out

before I lost my nerve. "Oh, I do want to learn how to cook and do other

things for you, but first I'd like to learn how to--use a sword."

I mumbled the last three words, so I wasn't sure he heard me, especially since

there was no immediate reaction. Those blue, blue eyes stared at me for a long

minute, the mind behind them practically motionless with surprise, and then he

was fighting hard to keep laughter from erupting.

"So you would learn the use of a sword," he said, his hand back to moving in a

circle over my bottom, his voice even and his eyes studying me, just as though

he were seriously considering my proposal. "And what would you do with such a

skill once you had acquired it?"

"Don't know," I admitted, wishing I could make him stop touching me like that

so that I could think. "Please don't laugh at me, hamak, it really means a lot

to me. Couldn't you find a-smaller sword that you could teach me how to use?"

"Indeed would you require a smaller sword than mine," he said, grinning as he

remembered the time I discovered I couldn't even lift his sword. "Perhaps it

would be best if I were to consider your request for a time before voicing a

decision. And should you truly wish this thing, you also may take a time to

consider how best to please me. A man who is pleased will often allow the

things his wenda asks."

I began to protest that I'd been offering a trade, not asking a favor, but

even if he hadn't moved me aside so that he could stand up, the words would

never have gotten said. When I'd accepted Tammad's bands I'd also been

agreeing to do things his way, the way everyone else on that world did them.

That meant that whatever help I gave him was due him, just as his love and

protection were due me. If I wanted anything above the basics of food,

shelter, clothing and protection, I had to ask for it in the way he wanted to

be asked. The thought of wheedling a man for something I wanted was so

humiliating I didn't know how the women of that world could do it, but I knew

well enough that they did. I'd agreed to try doing things Tammad's way without

anyone twisting my arm, but to wheedle and beg-!

"It is a thing you must become accustomed to, hama, should you truly wish what

you have asked for," Tammad said, interrupting my thoughts as he reached down

to lift me to my feet, obviously knowing what I was feeling. "Should you find

yourself unable to act so, we will merely allow memory of so- unusual a

request to slip from us, and speak no more upon it. I will return when the

meal with Rellis is done."

He leaned down to kiss me then, impossibly tall and impossibly broad, and

then, as he had already replaced his swordbelt, he simply left. I stood in the

middle of the large blue and white room, the high-arched windows behind me,

and tried to keep remembering how much I loved that overgrown barbarian. I did

love him, I really did, but sometimes he made me so mad I could spit!

"Damn him!" I muttered with what was nearly a growl, my hands clenched to

furious fists at my sides, the anger filling my mind so completely I was

almost to the point of projecting it. He was trying to make me obey him again,

and I was angry because I couldn't see a way to get out of it.

I turned and started toward the windows, stopped abruptly as I changed my

mind, turned toward the stack of furs Tammad and I used as a bed, changed my

mind again, then furiously kicked at one of the white pillows on the

carpet-fur. He hadn't laughed aloud because he hadn't wanted to insult me, but

that didn't mean Tammad didn't consider my asking to learn how to use a sword

comical. He also didn't approve of something that ridiculous, but he didn't

want to hurt me by coming up with a flat no. That was why he'd said he'd think

about it, to give me the chance to back out on my own-with a little help from

him. He'd told me I had to convince him to agree, all the while knowing how

humiliating I'd find doing something like that, fully expecting me to find it

impossible. When I discovered I couldn't wheedle and beg he'd let me forget

all about the silliness I'd asked for, and that would be the end of an awkward

situation-without his having to refuse. He had it all neatly tied and

wrapped-which was what made me so absolutely furious.

I couldn't have been seething more than five minutes before a knock came at

the door, a knock that lacked the arrogance of the usual knockers on that

world. There were no slaves in Rellis's house so I wondered who it could be,

then remembered my own lunch date. Still mired in bottomless distress I strode

to the door and yanked it open, to see the two faces I'd expected. Garth

looked curious, but Len seemed ready to cringe back with shield locked tight.

"Is it safe to come in?" Len asked more diffidently than was usual for him,

his handsome face wearing a wary expression. "If you've changed your mind, we

can come back some other time."

"It's safe to come in only if you're female," I returned, staring him straight

in the eye. "If you're male, you have to take your chances. "

Len moved his wary expression to Garth, but Garth was already looking at Len,

both of their glances asking the same question. Lenham Phillips, a brother

empath from Central, and Garth R'Hem Solohr, Colonel of Kabras from Alderan,

were trying to decide just how much they'd risk if they did come in, and their

uneasy hesitation lightened some small part of the anger I was still feeling.

The two Amalgamation men had given me nothing but trouble from the first day

they'd set foot on Rimilia, but the last couple of days seemed to have changed

all that. They were the ones who had been helping me and keeping Tammad from

finding out, and sharing the secret had apparently drawn us all together.

"I have a better idea," Garth said after the heavy hesitation, trying hard to

lighten the mood. "Since the food trays have been delivered here to the

bathing room, we don't have to go in. Terry can come out."

"I always knew the military mind was good for something," Len put in as he

brightened, giving Garth an amused look. "For a minute I was afraid we were

going to have to turn female. How about it, Terry? The food's getting cold."

They were both turned to me expectantly, trying to talk me into it without

words, and truthfully I was in no mood for my own company. I took a deep

breath which didn't do a damned thing to make me feel better, then nodded my

head. The two of them immediately stepped aside to let me by, then followed

after me.

The bathing room had a large pool surrounded by an area of uncarpeted marble,

the same sort of arched windows the bedroom had letting in what seemed like

miles of sunshine and warmth. Two well-stuffed trays had been brought and left

on two small tables not far from the marble, but walking up to one of them and

looking down at what it held showed me I was in no mood to eat.

"He said no," Len guessed from not too far behind me, his mind sharing and

commiserating with my upset. "Was it a final no, or did he leave room for

argument?"

"He didn't say no," I grumbled, turning around to look at them. "He said he'd

think about it, and while he's thinking about it I'm supposed to coax him a

little. If I don't coax him, then the answer will be no."

Len shielded immediately and looked down at the carpeting, but Garth didn't

know how to shield. He put one broad hand to his face and turned away, but the

delighted amusement he felt just about flamed out of him. I'd expected them to

react that way, and how nice they weren't disappointing me!

"I'm going to throw this food at the first one of you who laughs out loud," I

warned them, glaring back and forth between Garth's dark-haired head and Len's

light-haired one, my fists planted on my hips. "There's nothing funny about

this and you ought to know it!"

"Come on, Terry, lighten up," Garth said, fighting to keep his face straight

as he looked at me over his shoulder. "You know we all expected him to refuse

immediately, so you're still ahead of the game."

"And if you need any coaxing practice, you know you can count on us," Len put

in in a very solemn way, which immediately caused Garth to break up in

laughter. A second later Len was joining him, the two of them laughing like a

couple of virenjj, totally ignoring my disgusted stare. Briefly I toyed with

the idea of carrying through on my threat, then gave it up and simply turned

away. Len and Garth were really enjoying themselves, but I was starting to get

depressed.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Len said after a minute, his

laughter eased down to chuckling "What's the difference between doing what you

usually do with Tammad, and coaxing him? The end result will be the same, and

if you don't mind that then what's the big deal?"

I turned my head to look at him, seeing the haddinn and swordbelt both he and

Garth wore, realizing that they really didn't understand completely. Or maybe

they were just seeing it from the wrong side of the fence.

"If you don't know why I'm upset, then why did you laugh?" I asked in turn,

including them both in the question. "Tammad knows exactly how humiliated I'd

feel wheedling him for something and so do you, otherwise you wouldn't have

laughed. How would you two have enjoyed wheedling someone for those swords

you're so proud of? And how well would you do learning to use them, if you'd

had to get them in that particular way?"

"I think I preferred you as an unreasonable brat," Len answered wryly, his

tone matching Garth's look of discomfort. "Being cooly logical and reasonable

makes you difficult to argue with."

"But, Terry, you're not a man," Garth protested, less able to understand than

Len. "What would be absolutely demoralizing for us shouldn't be nearly that

bad for you. And maybe learning to use a sword isn't as important as you think

it is. What will happen if you don't learn?"

"I don't know what will happen," I answered glumly, turning away to seat

myself among the blue and white cushions the room held. "I don't even really

understand why I should need to learn something that-violent and senseless.

There's just no confusion to the feeling: I do need to learn it. "

"But you don't even know if you can depend on this new ability of yours,"

Garth said, following me over to the cushions to crouch beside me, the

disturbance in his mind reflected in his eyes. "It's making you believe you

need to do something without giving you any reasons for the belief. What if

you're misinterpreting the whole thing?"

"Then I'd be making a fool out of myself for nothing," I answered with a

shrug, feeling the annoyance and frustration rising inside me again. "But you

have no idea how strong the feeling is, practically to the level of

compulsion. You called it a new ability; Garth, I'm not even sure it is! What

am I going to do?"

"The first thing you have to do is stop putting out that static," Len

interrupted before Garth could say anything, coming over to seat himself to my

left with an expression of mild pain on his face. "It was a lot worse when we

first got here, and you're starting to slide back to it again. The power

behind it is so much higher now- Terry, you're going to have to learn to

control yourself a good deal better than you have."

"I don't want to learn to control myself," I muttered, with rebellion added to

what Len called static, my eyes drawn down to the small-linked bronze chains

around my wrists, two of the five that made me Tammad's. "I don't want to

control myself, I don't want to be stronger, and I don't want anything to do

with new abilities. Why can't it all just leave me alone!"

"It won't leave you alone," Len pursued, his voice relentless despite the

strain in it, his mind fighting against the urge to shield itself from my

output. "Your abilities are growing both in size and strength, and you can't

pretend they aren't. All you can do is learn to control them, before someone

gets hurt. Like me, for instance."

I looked up to see the sweat on his face and the tension in his body, outward

signs of the way he was trying to fight me off without using his shield. When

I purposely moved into his mind he flinched, expecting more pain, then relaxed

with a sigh when he felt the soothing of pain control instead. I hadn't wanted

to hurt Len, but that seemed to be all my increased abilities were good for.

Hurting people and making me feel like a fool.

"Stop pouting," Garth said, holding his sword out of the way as he changed his

crouch to a sitting position, his gray eyes annoyed. "Very few are born with

everything in life; most of us have to work hard to earn whatever we have.

Since you have more than most, you should be feeling grateful instead of

resentful. You're not an infant, Terry; stop acting like one."

"I'll act like anything I please," I replied with all the surliness I was

feeling, tired of trying to be reasonable. It isn't possible to be reasonable

when you're constantly surrounded by infuriating unreason, and I was

discovering I resented Garth's lack of jealousy. Almost everyone around him

was an empath, either active or latent, but Garth didn't feel left out. He

knew the problems of being an empath, understood them from having seen them,

and was inordinately pleased that they weren't his problems. I envied the sure

self-acceptance that was his, and wished I could figure out how he did it.

"Well, I feel like acting like someone about to eat," Len put in, rising to

his feet then heading toward one of the trays. "How are Tammad's lessons

coming, Terry? I'll bet he's taking it easier with you than he did with me."

"He's not," I denied with a headshake, looking down at my wristbands again,

ignoring the small sound of vexation that came from Garth before he rose to

join Len at the tray. "He's trying to stop himself from feeling insulted over

having to take lessons from a woman, but it keeps getting away from him. If I

couldn't filter it out I'd have the same headache you had, and that would be

the end of the lessons. If Tammad thought he was hurting me, he'd refuse to

let it continue."

"I wish to hell h could figure out how you do that filtering," Len said with

heavy frustration in both mind and voice, bringing back a bowl of fried meat

strips to the place he'd taken earlier. "You said it's like letting down a

thin curtain, but I can't detect it when you use it. Do you get it the way you

get the shield you showed me how to form?"

"No," I said, moving the bottom of my gown aside so that I might stroke the

bands on my ankles. "It came when I needed it, just the way it did when I was

struggling with that intruder in the resting place of the sword of Gerleth. If

I need it it forms, but I can't form it if I don't need it. Do you want to try

needing it?"

"I have to think about that," Len muttered, a glance confirming the unease his

mind was evincing, his hand just holding a meat strip without his seeing it.

"It didn't form when I needed it with Tammad, so there's no reason to believe

it will against you. Maybe there's a trigger for it that we don't know about."

"That's a very pretty gown you're wearing, Terry," Garth said suddenly, only a

small portion of his attention on the meat chunks and vegetables he'd brought

back. "You really do look good in pink, which is probably why Tammad enjoys

seeing you in it. When are you going to tell him about the experimenting we've

been doing, the experimenting you've had to do to find the limits of your new

abilities?"

Garth had kept most of his question casual, tying it into his easy observation

about my gown, but there was nothing casual about the alertness in his mind or

the look in his gray eyes. I found I was staring at him intently, the distress

in my mind so suddenly intensified that I had to fight to keep it inside, and

Len choked where he sat to my left, then waved a hand at Garth.

"Give me a break, will you?" he gasped, putting one hand to his head even

though his shield had formed almost immediately. "If you're going to do that

to her, how about warning me first? If you were trying to find out if I could

form that filter curtain, the answer is no."

"I'm sorry, Len, I didn't mean to cause you pain," Garth apologized, but his

eyes hadn't moved from my face. "I was just testing a theory I had, and the

test turned out positive. It looks like Terry is worried again over her

relationship with Tammad, afraid of what he'll do if he finds out her

abilities have increased. Don't you think it's about time you learned to trust

him, Terry?"

"I do trust him," I came back, trying not to sound as defensive as I felt,

uncomfortably aware of Len's gaze joining Garth's. "I'll tell him what we've

been doing, as soon as I find the right time."

"Terry, take your hand away from the band around your throat," Len said with a

sigh, his blue eyes filled with sadness. "I don't even have to open my shield

to know Garth's right. You've been stroking and playing with the other four

bands as if trying to memorize them against a time they'll be gone, and now

you're holding the fifth band as if you had to defend it. You're obviously

afraid Tammad will unhand you if he finds out your abilities have increased,

but I don't understand why."

I hadn't realized I was holding the fifth band, and Len's pointing it out was

faintly embarrassing as well as upsetting. I dropped my hand to my lap, found

that my fingers went immediately to a wrist band, and suddenly discovered I

was losing all vestige of control.

"Why do you keep asking me these questions?" I flared at Len, then sent the

same to Garth. "I have no idea what Tammad will do if he finds out about the

increase, but I'm still afraid! Are you silly enough to think only untalented

people hate and fear Primes? If you are you're in for a shock, but I can't

handle the thought of a shock like that. I'm too much of a coward."

I turned away from them to stretch out on my stomach on the carpet fur,

hugging a pillow to me with all the strength of the agitation I felt. I did

trust Tammad, as much as I loved him, but expecting the impossible from people

only leads to horrible disappointment. Tammad had accepted more insanity on my

behalf than almost anyone else would have found possible, but how much could

he be expected to take? This new thing I was now able to do-would that be the

final straw?

"Come on, Terry, it's not all that bad," Len said after something of a

hesitation, and I knew he'd exchanged significant looks with Garth; I could

hear the overheartiness in his voice even if I couldn't reach his shielded

mind. "We got used to the idea without any trouble."

"And Len and I had reason to do just the opposite," Garth quickly agreed, his

tone urging belief even though his mind worried over what I'd said. "If it was

all that bad, would we have helped you with your experimenting?"

"You helped me because you were feeling guilty," I pointed out, staring at the

bright, sunshiny windows. "Tammad punished me because of what you two told

him, and it bothered you afterward that it took me as long as it did to stop

crying. You volunteered to help because it made you feel better, and you stuck

with it because you got curious. How would you like to run into that

particular talent without it being a carefully controlled experiment? Do I

hear any volunteers for that?"

All I heard at that point was a thick silence, which wasn't particularly

surprising. Still holding the pillow I turned around and sat up, then looked

directly at my two lunch guests.

"Well?" I prompted, seeing how they couldn't quite make eye contact with me.

"You both had a taste of that talent before I got it under control and

strengthened. Which of you great, big, strong, newly made l'lendaa wants to

try it again?"

"Now, Terry," Garth began in a soothing way, and, "Come on, Terry," Len said

with calm urging, both sets of eyes worried, and that really annoyed me.

"Now, Terry, come on, Terry," I mimicked, letting them see how disgusted I

felt. "Can't you two find anything else to say? One of you is braced and just

short of cringing, and the other refuses to drop the protection of his shield.

You're so unimpressed with my new abilities that you don't even argue with me

Sharon Green - Terrillian 4 - Warrior Challenged

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