
Sometimes I think maybe I should have listened to my father and become a doctor. Then perhaps I could
get the big money, like Robin Cook and Michael Crichton. Or I could've become a lawyer, and then
maybe I'd have bestsellers like John Grisham. Or I could have become an actor, like what's-her-name
who played Princess Leia in Star Wars and wrote Postcards From the Edge. If I'd been smart, I would
have stayed in radio, and then I could have had monster blockbusters like Rush Limbaugh and Howard
Stern. But no, I had to be a writer. It seems nobody wants books by writers nowadays. Next thing you
know, your garbageman will have a bestseller and I'll still be eating ramen noodles. Oh, what the hell,
here goes:
Brewster's crash landing was spotted by a leprechaun named Mick O'Fallon, who pulled our hero out of
the flaming wreckage and took him under his wing, because he assumed Brewster was a powerful wizard
who could teach him the secret of the philosopher's stone, which in this particular universe had nothing to
do with turning lead into gold, but with the manufacture of a much rarer substance known as nickallirium.
He set Brewster up in an abandoned keep that had been converted to a mill, complete with a water
wheel, and Brewster lost no time in modernizing the crumbling ruin with a complete restoration, including
plumbing and electricity. He was assisted in his efforts by the notorious Black Brigands from the nearby
town of Brigand's Roost. (Actually, it really wasn't much of a town, more like a couple of shacks and a
tavern on the road leading through the Redwood Forest to the Gulfstream Waters.) Black Shannon, the
sultry, raven-haired queen of the brigands, cooperated with Brewster in his efforts in return for the
promise of significant profits downstream, but as time passed and those profits kept failing to materialize,
she started getting antsy.
Meanwhile, Warrick Morgannan was busy trying to find the builder of the time machine, having
discovered what it was by eavesdropping on some narrative exposition. To this end, he had employed
the infamous Sean MacGregor, alias Mac the Knife, the foremost assassin in the Footpads and Assassins
Guild. Together with his hulking, bird-brained apprentices, the brawny brothers Hugh, Dugh, and Lugh,
Mac set out to find the builder of the time machine while Warrick emptied out the royal dungeons for
"volunteers" in his experiments, putting them into the time machine and using spells to tap into its temporal
field, thereby teleporting them into our own universe. This resulted in a number of unusual incidents that
provided colorful fodder for the tabloids and alerted a somewhat seedy journalist named Colin
Hightower, who was the first to notice a pattern to these strange events. He smelled a story and started
to investigate.
Meanwhile, back in the Kingdom of Pitt, in the capital city of Pittsburgh, Warrick had run out of
prisoners to use in his experiments, so he had his minions start kidnapping people off the streets. This
resulted in a long stream of irate petitions to King Billy, who told Warrick he couldn't simply grab people
off the streets and make them disappear, but allowed as how it would be okay to do it with convicted
criminals. Unfortunately, Warrick had run out of convicted criminals, so he convinced Sheriff Waylon, the
king's ambitious and corrupt brother, to institute a whole slew of new restrictive edicts that would keep
the royal dungeons filled. So now, instead of Warrick's minions snatching people off the streets, the
Sheriff and his deputies were doing it, and citizens of Pittsburgh kept disappearing without a trace.
Needless to say, this displeased the populace. People started packing up and moving like rats fleeing a
sinking ship and a revolution was brewing.
Brewster, unaware of all these goings on, had become totally caught up in his efforts to bring progress to
the muddy little town of Brigand's Roost. He had showed Mick and the brigands how to forge weapons
more efficiently, produce Swiss Army knives, and construct a still to improve their yield of the potent and
literally explosive peregrine wine. He had taught them how to construct better housing, and a small
settlement had sprung up around the keep. And he taught them how to make aluminum, which turned out
to be the same thing as nickallirium, the most precious metal in the twenty-seven kingdoms and the basis
for the world's economy. All the coins were minted from it, and the secret of its manufacture was