
"Do not be deceived," replied the machine. "I've begun, it's true, with everything in n,
but only out of familiarity. To create however is one thing, to destroy, another thing
entirely. I can blot out the world for the simple reason that I'm able to do anything and
everything—and everything means everything—in n, and consequently Nothingness is
child's play for me. In less than a minute now you will cease to have existence, along with
everything else, so tell me now, Klapaucius, and quickly, that I am really and truly
everything I was programmed to be, before it is too late."
"But—" Klapaucius was about to protest, but noticed, just then, that a number of
things were indeed disappearing, and not merely those that started with n. The
constructors were no longer surrounded by the gruncheons, the targalisks, the shupops,
the calinatifacts, the thists, worches and pritons.
"Stop! I take it all back! Desist! Whoa! Don't do Nothing!!" screamed Klapaucius. But
before the machine could come to a full stop, all the brashations, plusters, laries and zits
had vanished away. Now the machine stood motionless. The world was a dreadful sight.
The sky had particularly suffered: there were only a few, isolated points of light in the
heavens—no trace of the glorious worches and zits that had, till now, graced the horizon!
"Great Gauss!" cried Klapaucius. "And where are the gruncheons? Where my dear,
favorite pritons? Where now the gentle zits?!"
"They no longer are, nor ever will exist again," the machine said calmly. "I executed,
or rather only began to execute, your order…"
"I tell you to do Nothing, and you… you…"
"Klapaucius, don't pretend to be a greater idiot than you are," said the machine. "Had
I made Nothing outright, in one fell swoop, everything would have ceased to exist, and
that includes Trurl, the sky, the Universe, and you—and even myself. In which case who
could say and to whom could it be said that the order was carried out and I am an efficient
and capable machine? And if no one could say it to no one, in what way then could I, who
also would not be, be vindicated?"
"Yes, fine, let's drop the subject," said Klapaucius. "I have nothing more to ask of you,
only please, dear machine, please return the zits, for without them life loses all its charm
…"
"But I can't, they're in z," said the machine. "Of course, I can restore nonsense,
narrowmindedness, nausea, necrophilia, neuralgia, nefariousness and noxiousness. As for
the other letters, however, I can't help you."
"I want my zits!" bellowed Klapaucius.
"Sorry, no zits," said the machine. "Take a good look at this world, how riddled it is
with huge, gaping holes, how full of Nothingness, the Nothingness that fills the bottomless
void between the stars, how everything about us has become lined with it, how it darkly
lurks behind each shred of matter. This is your work, envious one! And I hardly think the
future generations will bless you for it…"
"Perhaps… they won't find out, perhaps they won't notice," groaned the pale
Klapaucius, gazing up incredulously at the black emptiness of space and not daring to look
his colleague, Trurl, in the eye. Leaving him beside the machine that could do everything
in n, Klapaucius skulked home—and to this day the world has remained honeycombed
with nothingness, exactly as it was when halted in the course of its liquidation. And as all