
wide steps leading up to the six main glass doors; a wheelchair ramp had been added
only much later. The alien stopped for a moment, apparently trying to decide which
method to use. It settled on the stairs; the railings on the ramp were a bit close together,
given the way its legs stuck out.
At the top of the stairs, the alien was again briefly flummoxed. It probably lived in
a typical sci-fi world, full of doors that slid aside automatically. It was now facing the row
of exterior glass doors; they pull open, using tubular handles, but he didn’t seem to
comprehend that. But within seconds of his arrival, a kid came out, oblivious to what was
going on at first, but letting out a startled yelp when he saw the extraterrestrial. The alien
calmly caught the open door with one of its limbs—it used six of them for walking, and
two adjacent ones as arms—and managed to squeeze through into the vestibule. A
second wall of glass doors faced him a short distance ahead; this air-lock-like gap helped
the museum control its interior temperature. Now savvy in the ways of terrestrial doors,
the alien pulled one of the inner ones open and then scuttled into the Rotunda, the
museum’s large, octagonal lobby; it was such a symbol of the ROM that our quarterly
members magazine was called Rotunda in its honor.
On the left side of the Rotunda was the Garfield Weston Exhibition Hall, used for
special displays; it currently housed the Burgess Shale show I’d helped put together. The
world’s two best collections of Burgess Shale fossils were here at the ROM and at the
Smithsonian; neither institution normally had them out for the public to see, though. I’d
arranged for a temporary pooling of both collections to be exhibited first here, then in
Washington.
The wing of the museum to the right of the Rotunda used to contain our late,
lamented Geology Gallery, but it now held gift shops and a Druxy’s deli—one of many
sacrifices the ROM had made under Christine Dorati’s administration to becoming an
“attraction.”
Anyway, the creature moved quickly to the far side of the Rotunda, in between
the admissions desk and the membership-services counter. Now, I didn’t see this part
firsthand, either, but the whole thing was recorded by a security camera, which is good
because no one would have believed it otherwise. The alien sidled up to the
blue-blazered security officer—Raghubir, a grizzled but genial Sikh who’d been with the
ROM forever—and said, in perfect English, “Excuse me. I would like to see a
paleontologist.”
Raghubir’s brown eyes went wide, but he quickly relaxed. He later said he
figured it was a joke. Lots of movies are made in Toronto, and, for some reason, an
enormous number of science-fiction TV series, including over the years such fare as
Gene Roddenberry’s Earth: Final Conflict, Ray Bradbury Theater, and the revived
Twilight Zone. He assumed this was some guy in costume or an animatronic prop.
“What kind of paleontologist?” he said, deadpan, going along with the bit.
The alien’s spherical torso bobbed once. “A pleasant one, I suppose.”
On the video, you can see old Raghubir trying without complete success to
suppress a grin. “I mean, do you want an invertebrate or a vertebrate?”
“Are not all your paleontologists humans?” asked the alien. He had a strange way
of talking, but I’ll get to that. “Would they not therefore all be vertebrates?”
I swear to God, this is all on tape.
“Of course, they’re all human,” said Raghubir. A small crowd of visitors had
gathered, and although the camera didn’t show it, apparently a number of people were
looking down onto the Rotunda’s polished marble floor from the indoor balconies one
level up. “But some specialize in vertebrate fossils and some in invertebrates.”
“Oh,” said the alien. “An artificial distinction, it seems to me. Either will do.”
Raghubir lifted a telephone handset and dialed my extension. Over in the