
and in the afternoon Christina Maas is coming. There are things we have to talk about. That’s how it’s
going to be for a while.” Her voice sounded strange, as if muffled by layers of cotton.
Lynne looked at Brice, and he shrugged helplessly. “It’s been a tough few days,” he said. “We’ll be okay
after we’ve had a little rest. I’ll take you to the airport in the morning.”
Her mother was going to cry again, Abby thought guiltily, and she still didn’t know why, and couldn’t
ask. Not now. And Brice…She knew she was shutting him out exactly the way she was closing out
everyone else, and she knew it was unfair, even cruel, but she couldn’t help that, either. He wanted to
hold her, to comfort her, to wait on her, do whatever he could, and she was like a stick in his arms.
Silently she began to gather plates, cups, and saucers… Her friends Jonelle and Francesca had brought
food, she remembered; it all looked strange and unfamiliar.
“Honey, please, go take a long bath, try to relax,” Brice said. “We’ll take care of this.”
With the unquestioning obedience of a good child, she left the room to go take a long bath. She could
hear their voices as she went up the stairs; talking about her, the state she was in, she thought distantly.
The house was usually spacious feeling, with three bedrooms, two baths, stairs with a plush, pale green
carpet, a nice Aubusson rug in the living room, a carpet in the den, drapes throughout; room enough, with
sound-deadening furnishings, so that voices carried no farther than from one room to another, yet she
imagined she could hear them all the way up the stairs, through the hallway, the bedroom, on into the
bathroom, even after she turned on the water. She went back to the bedroom for her gown and robe,
and came to a stop holding them.
The voices were not her mother’s and Brice’s, she realized, but her mother’s and her father’s, or her
father’s voice talking to her, telling her something important. That’s what he would say: “This is important,
listen up now.”
She took a step and staggered, and only then recognized her fatigue, that she was reeling, maybe even
hallucinating from sleeplessness. Tonight, she told herself, tonight she would take one of the pills her
doctor had prescribed. She would give herself half an hour and if by then she was still wide awake, she
would take a pill. Dimly she remembered that she had made the same promise the previous night, but
instead had sat huddled in a blanket on the couch in the dark living room, dreading today, the relatives,
the memorial service, remembering Jud, denying his death, willing him not to be dead, willing it not to
have happened, afraid of the pill that promised sleep, because it seemed to offer a kind of death to her.
* * *
Later, while Brice was getting ready for bed, Abby went to tell her mother good night, to thank her for
coming. She felt awkward, as if in the presence of an acquaintance, not her mother.
Lynne was in the guest room, the room Abby called her study. She stood in the middle of the room,
wearing her robe, holding the dress she had worn earlier, and for a moment they simply regarded each
other. Then Lynne dropped the dress and took Abby in her arms. “I wanted to be with you,” she said
softly, “but I didn’t know what to say, how to act with you. Abby, baby, please say something, talk to
me. Yell at me. Anything!”
Abby gazed past her mother silently and offered no resistance to the embrace, but neither did she return
it. People had always said she looked like her mother, and she had denied it, had seen only the
differences, not the similarities; they were the same height, and Lynne was only a few pounds heavier, her
hair was as dark as Abby’s and, out of the chignon she had had it in, hung straight to her shoulders, like
her daughter’s. They both had dark blue eyes and heavy eyebrows, bold and thick, without a curve,
much less a peak. The likeness, remarkable as it was, appeared superficial to Abby. The image of her