Asprin, Robert - Myth 05 - Myth - ing Persons

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1 Another Fine Myth 0-441-02362-2 1978 Ace

2 Myth Conceptions 0-441-55521-7 1980 Ace

3 Myth Directions 0-441-55529-2 1982 Ace

4 Hit or Myth 0-441-33851-8 1983 Ace

--->Myth-ing Persons 0-441-55276-5 1984 Ace

6 Little Myth Marker 0-441-48499-9 1985 Ace

7 M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link 0-441-55277-3 1986 Ace

8 Myth-nomers & Im-pervections 0-441-55279-X 1987 Ace

9 M.Y.T.H. Inc. in Action 0-441-55282-X 1990 Ace

10 Sweet Myth-tery of Life 0-441-00194-7 1994 Ace

11 Something M.Y.T.H. Inc. Not yet released ? Ace

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Myth-Ing Persons By Robert L Asprin.

Cover art by Walter Velez.

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Chapter One:

"Reputations are fine up to a point. After that they become a pain!"

-D.JUAN

THERE is something sinfully satisfying about doing something you know you aren't supposed to. This

was roughly my frame of mind as I approached a specific nondescript tent at the Bazaar at Deva

with my breakfast under my arm ... guilty, but smug.

"Excuse me, young sahr!"

I turned to find an elderly Deveel waving desperately at me as he hurried forward. Normally I

would have avoided the encounter, as Deveels are always selling something and at the moment I

wasn't buying, but since I wasn't in a hurry I decided to hear what he had to say.

"I'm glad I caught you in time," he said, struggling to catch his breath. "While I don't usually

meddle, you really don't want to go in there!"

"Why not? I was just...."

"Do you know who lives there?"

"Well, actually I thought...."

"That is the dwelling of the Great Skeeve!"

Something about this busybody irritated me. Maybe it was the way he never let me finish a

sentence. Anyway, I decided to string him along for a while."

"The Great Skeeve?"

"You never heard of him?" The Deveel seemed genuinely shocked. "He's probably the most powerful

magician at the Bazaar."

My opinion of the busybody soared to new heights, but the game was too much fun to abandon.

"I've never had too much faith in magicians," I said with studied casualness. "I've found for the

most part their powers are overrated."

The oldster rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"That may be true in most cases, but not when it comes to the Great Skeeve! Did you know he

consorts with Demons and has a dragon for a familiar?"

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I favored him with a worldly smile.

"So what? Deva is a crossroads of the dimensions. Dimension travelers, or Demons as you call them,

are the norm around here. As a Deveel, your main livelihood comes from dealing with Demons. As for

the dragon, there's a booth not eight rows from here that sells dragons to anyone with the price."

"No, no! You don't understand! Of course we all deal with Demons when it comes to business. The

difference is that this Skeeve is actually friends with them . . . invites them into his home and

lives with them. One of his permanent house guests is a Pervert, and I don't know of a single

Deveel who would stoop that low. What's more, I've heard it said that he has underworld

connections."

The game was growing tiresome. Any points the Deveel had made with his tribute to the Great Skeeve

had been lost with interest when he started commenting on Demons.

"Well, thank you for your concern," I said, holding out my hand for a handshake. "I promise you

I'll remember everything you've said. What was your name again?"

The Deveel grabbed my hand and began pumping it vigorously.

"I am Aliman, and glad to be of assistance," he said with an ingratiating smile. "If you really

want to show your gratitude, remember my name. Should you ever be in need of a reputable magician,

I have a nephew who's just getting started in the business. I'm sure we could arrange some

discount prices for you. Tell me, what is your name so I can tell him who to watch for?"

I tightened my grip slightly and gave him my widest smile. "Well, my friends call me Skeeve."

"I'll be sure to tell... SKEEVE?"

The Deveel's eyes widened, and his complexion faded from red to a delicate pink.

"That's right," I said, retaining my grip on his hand. "Oh, and for your information Demons from

Perv are called Pervects, not Perverts . . . and he's not my house guest, he's my partner."

The Deveel was struggling desperately now, trying to free his hand.

"Now then, how many customers have you scared away from my business with your tales about what a

fearsome person I am? "

The Deveel tore loose from my grip and vanished into the crowds, sounding an incoherent scream of

terror as he went. In short, Aliman left. Right?

I watched him go with a certain amount of mischievous satisfaction. I wasn't really angry, mind

you. We literally had more money than we could use right now, so I didn't begrudge him the

customers. Still, I had never really paused to consider how formidable our operation must look

from the outside. Viewing it now through a stranger's eyes, I found myself more than a little

pleased. Considering the dubious nature of my beginning, we had built ourselves quite a reputation

over the last few years.

I had been serious when I told Aliman that I didn't have much faith in magicians. My own

reputation was overrated to say the least, and if I was being billed as a powerful magician, it

made the others of my profession more than a little suspect in my eyes. After several years of

seeing the inside of the magic business, I was starting to wonder if any magician was really as

good as people thought.

I was so wrapped up in these thoughts as I entered our humble tent that I had completely forgotten

that I was supposed to be sneaking in. I was reminded almost immediately.

The reminder came in the form of a huge man who loomed up to block my path. "Boss," he said in a

squeaky little voice that was always surprising coming from such a huge body, "you shouldn't ought

to go out alone like that. How many times we got to tell you...."

"It's all right, Nunzio," I said, trying to edge around him. "I just ducked out to get some

breakfast. Want a bagel?"

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Nunzio was both unconvinced and undaunted in his scolding.

"How are we supposed to be your bodyguards if you keep sneaking off alone every chance you get? Do

you know what Don Bruce would do to us if anything happened to you?"

"C'mon, Nunzio. You know how things are here at the Bazaar. If the Deveels see me with a

bodyguard, the price of everything goes through the ceiling. Besides, I like being able to wander

around on my own once in a while."

"You can afford the higher prices. What you can't afford is to set yourself up as a target for

every bozo who wants the rep of bagging the Great Skeeve."

I started to argue, but my conversation with Aliman flashed across my mind. Nunzio was right.

There were two sides to having a reputation. If anyone believed the rumors at the Bazaar and still

meant me harm, they would muster such firepower for the attempt that my odds for survival would be

nonexistent.

"Nunzio," I said slowly, "you may be right, but in all honesty what could you and Guido do to stop

a magical attack on me?"

"Not a thing," he said calmly. "But they'd probably try to knock off your bodyguards first, and

that might give you time to get away or hit them yourself before they could muster a second

attack."

He said it easily, like you or I might say "The sun rises in the east," but it shook me. It had

never really occurred to me how expendable bodyguards are, or how readily they accept the dangers

of their profession.

"I'll try to remember that in the future," I said with a certain degree of grave humility. "What's

more, I think I owe you and Guido an apology. Where is Guido, anyway?"

"Upstairs arguing with His Nibbs," Nunzio grinned.

"As a matter of fact, I was looking for you to break it up when I found you had snuck out again."

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"What for? There's no rush. They'll be arguing until you get there. I figured it was more

important to convince you to quit going out alone."

I groaned a little inside, but I had learned long ago the futility of arguing priorities with

Nunzio. "Well, thanks again for the advice, but I'd better get upstairs before those two kill each

other."

With that I headed across the courtyard for the fountain stairs to our offices....

Courtyard? Fountain stairs?

What happened to the humble tent I was walking into a minute ago?

Weelll... I said I was a magician, didn't I? Our little stall at the Bazaar is bigger on the

inside than it is on the outside. Lots bigger. I've lived in royal palaces that weren't as big as

our "humble tent." I can't take any credit for this particular miracle, though, other than the

fact that it was my work that helped earn us our current residence. We live here rent-free

courtesy of the Devan Merchants Association as partial payment for a little job we did for them a

while back. That's also how I got my bodyguards ... but that's another story, Devan Merchants

Association, you ask? Okay. For the uninitiated, I'll go over this just once. The dimension I'm

currently residing in is Deva, home of the shrewdest deal-drivers in all the known dimensions. You

may have heard of them. In my own home dimension they were called devils, but I have since learned

the proper pronunciation is Deveels. Anyway, my gracious living quarters are the result of my

partner and I beating the Deveels at their own game ... which is to say we got the better of them

in a deal. Don't tell anyone, though. It would ruin their reputation and maybe even cost me a

cushy spot. You see, they still don't know they've been had.

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Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Heading for the offices. Normally after sneaking out I would stop by

the stables to share breakfast with Gleep, but with a crisis on my hands I decided to forgo the

pleasure of my pet's company and get to work. Gleep. He's the dragon Aliman was talking about. . .

and I'm not going to try to condense that story. It's just too complicated.

Long before I reached the offices I could hear their voices raised in their favorite "song." The

lyrics changed from time to time, but I knew the melody by heart.

"Incompetent bungler!"

"Who are you calling an incomplete bungler?"

"I stand corrected. You are a complete bungler!"

"You better watch your mouth! Even if you are the boss's partner, one more word and I'll...."

"You'll what? If you threw a punch the safest place to be would be where you're aiming."

"Izzatso?"

It sounded like I had arrived in the nick of time. Taking a deep breath, I casually strolled into

the teeth of the fracas.

"Hi, guys." I pretended to be totally unaware of what was going on. "Anyone want a bagel?"

"No, I don't want a bagel!" came the sneering response from one combatant. "What I want is some

decent help."

"... and while you're at it see what you can do about getting me a little respect!" the other

countered.

The latter comment came from Guido, senior of my two bodyguards. If anything, he's bigger and

nastier than his cousin Nunzio.

The former contribution came from Aahz. Aahz is my partner. He's also a demon, a Pervect to be

exact, and even though he's slightly shorter than I am, he's easily twice as nasty as my two

bodyguards put together.

My strategy had worked in that I now had their annoyance focused on me instead of each other. Now,

realizing the potential devastation of their respective temperaments individually, much less

collectively, I had cause to doubt the wisdom of my strategy.

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"The trouble," Aahz snarled, "is that your ace bodyguard here just lost us a couple of clients."

My heart sank. I mentioned earlier that Aahz and I have more money than we know what to do with,

but old habits die hard. Aahz is the tightest being I've ever met when it comes to money, and,

living at the Bazaar at Deva, that's saying something! If Guido had really lost a potential

customer, we'd be hearing about it for a long time.

"Ease up a minute, partner," I said more to stall for time than anything else. "I just got here,

remember? Could you fill me in on a few of the details?" Aahz favored Guido with one more dark

stare.

"There's not all that much to tell," he said. "I was in the middle of breakfast..."

"He was drinking another meal," Guido translated scornfully.

"... when mush-for-brains here bellows up that there are some customers waiting downstairs in

reception. I called back that I'd be down in a few, then finished my meal."

"He kept them waiting at least half an hour. You can't expect customers to...."

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"Guido, could you hold the editorial asides for one round? Please?" I interceded before Aahz could

go for him. "I'm still trying to get a rough idea of what happened, remember? Okay, Aahz. You were

saying?" Aahz took a deep breath, then resumed his account. "Anyway, when I got downstairs, the

customers were nowhere to be seen. You'd think your man here would be able to stall them or at

least have the sense to call for reinforcements if they started getting twitchy."

"C'mon, Aahz. Guido is supposed to be a bodyguard, not a receptionist. If some customers got tired

of waiting for you to show up and left, I don't see where you can dodge the blame by shifting it

to...."

"Wait a minute. Boss. You're missing the point. They didn't leave!"

"Come again?"

"I left 'em there in the reception room, and the next thing I know Mr. Mouth here is hollerin' at

me for losing customers. They never came out! Now, like you say, I'm supposed to be a bodyguard.

By my figuring we've got some extra people wandering the premises, and all this slob wants to do

is yell about whose fault it is."

"I know whose fault it is," Aahz said with a glare. "There are only two ways out of that reception

room, and they didn't come past me!"

"Well they didn't come past me!" Guido countered.

I started to get a very cold feeling in my stomach.

"Aahz, "I said softly.

"If you think I don't know when...."

"AAHZ!"

That brought him up short. He turned to me with an angry retort on his lips, then he saw my

expression.

"What is it, Skeeve? You look as if...."

"There are more than two ways out of that room."

We stared at each other in stunned silence for a few moments, then we both sprinted for the

reception room, leaving Guido to trail along behind.

The room we had selected for our reception area was one of the largest in the place, and the only

large room with easy access from the front door. It was furnished in a style lavish enough to

impress even those customers spoiled by the wonders of the Bazaar who were expecting to see the

home office of a successful magician. There was only one problem with it, and that was the focus

of our attention as we dashed in.

The only decoration that we had kept from the previous owners was an ornate tapestry hanging on

the north wall. Usually I'm faster than Aahz, but this time he beat me to the hanging, sweeping it

aside with his arm to reveal a heavy door behind it. Our worst fears were realized. The door was

unlocked and standing ajar.

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Chapter Two:

"Success often hinges on choosing a reliable partner."

-REMUS

"WHAT'S that?" Guido demanded, taking advantage of our stunned silence.

"It's a door," I said.

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"An open door, to be specific," Aahz supplied.

"I can see that for myself!" the bodyguard roared. "I meant what is it doing here?"

"It would look pretty silly standing alone in the middle of the street now, wouldn't it?" Aahz

shot back.

Guido purpled. As I've said, these two have a positive talent for getting under each other's

skins.

"Now look, all I'm askin'...."

"Guido, could you just hang on for a few minutes until we decide what to do next? Then we'll

explain, I promise."

My mind was racing over the problem, and having Aahz and Guido going at each other did nothing for

my concentration.

"I think the first thing we should do, partner," Aahz said thoughtfully, "is to get the door

closed so that we won't be... interrupted while we work this out."

Rather than answer, I reached out a cautious toe and pushed the door shut. Aahz quickly slipped

two of the bolts in place to secure it.

That done, we leaned against the door and looked at each other in silence.

"Well? What do you think?" I asked at last.

"I'm in favor of sealing it up again and forgetting the whole thing."

"Think it's safe to do that?"

"Don't know, really. Not enough information."

We both turned slowly to level thoughtful stares at Guido.

"Say, uh, Guido, could you tell us a little more about those customers who came in this morning?"

"Nothing doin'." Guido crossed his arms. "You're the guys who insist on 'information for

information. Right? Well, I'm not telling you anything more until somebody tells me about that

door. I mean, I'm supposed to be your bodyguard and nobody bothers to tell me there's another way

into this place?"

Aahz bared his teeth and started forward, but I caught him by the shoulder.

"He's right, partner. If we want his help, we owe him an explanation."

We locked eyes again for a moment, then he shrugged and retreated.

"Actually, Guido, the explanation is very simple. ..."

"That'll be a first," the bodyguard grumbled.

In a bound, Aahz was across the room and had Guido by the shirt front.

"You wanted an explanation? Then SHUT UP AND LET HIM EXPLAIN!"

Now Guido is no lightweight, and he's never been short in the courage department. Still, there's

nothing quite like Aahz when he's really mad.

"O-Okay! Sorry! Go ahead. Boss. I'm listening." Aahz released his grip and returned to his place

by the door, winking at me covertly as he went.

"What happened is this," I said, hiding a smile.

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"Aahz and I found that door when we first moved in here. We didn't like the looks of it, so we

decided to leave it alone. That's all."

"That's all!? A back door that even you admit looks dangerous and all you do is ignore it? And if

that wasn't bad enough, you don't even bother to tell your bodyguards about it? Of all the lame

brained, half...."

Aahz cleared his throat noisily, and Guido regained control of himself... rapidly.

"Aahh . . . what I mean to say is ... oh well. That's all behind us now. Could you give me a

little more information now that the subject's out in the open? What's on the other side of that

door, anyway?"

"We don't know," I admitted.

"YOU DON'T KNOW?" Guido shrieked.

"What we do know," Aahz interrupted hastily, "is what isn't on the other side. What isn't there is

any dimension we know about."

Guido blinked, then shook his head. "I don't get it. Could you run that past me again ... real

slow?"

"Let me try," I said. "Look, Guido, you already know about dimensions, right? How we're living in

the dimension Deva, which is an entirely different world than our own home dimension of Klah?

Well, the people here, the Deveels, are masters of dimension travel to a point where they build

their houses across the dimension barriers. That's how come this place is bigger on the inside

than it is on the outside. The door is in Deva, but the rest of the house is in another dimension.

That means if we go through that door, the back door that we've just shown you, we'd be in another

world ... one we know nothing about. That's why we were willing to leave it sealed up rather than

stick our noses out into a completely unknown situation."

"I still think you should have checked it out," the bodyguard insisted stubbornly.

"Think again," Aahz supplied. "You've only seen two dimensions. Skeeve here has visited a dozen.

I've been to over a hundred myself. The Deveels you see here at the Bazaar, on the other hand,

know over a thousand different dimensions."

"So?"

"So we think they gave us this place because it opens into a dimension that they don't want. . .

'don't want as in 'scared to death of. Now, you've seen what a Deveel will brave to turn a profit.

Do you want to go exploring in a world that's too mean for them to face?"

"I see what you mean."

"Besides." Aahz finished triumphantly, "take another look at that door. It's got more locks and

bolts than three ordinary bank vaults."

"Somebody opened it," Guido said pointedly. That took some of the wind out of Aahz's sails.

Despite himself, he shot a nervous glance at the door. "Well... a good thief with a lock pick

working from this side...."

"Some of these locks weren't picked, Aahz."

I had been taking advantage of their discussion to do a little snooping, and now held up one of my

discoveries for their inspection. It was a padlock with the metal shackle snapped off. There were

several of them scattered about, as if someone had gotten impatient with the lock pick and simply

torn the rest of them apart with his hands.

Guido pursed his lips in a silent whistle. "Man, that's strong. What kind of person could do

that?"

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"That's what we've been trying to get you to tell us," Aahz said nastily. "Now, if you don't mind,

what were those customers like?"

"Three of them . . . two men and a woman . . . fairly young-looking, but nothing special. Klahds

by the look of 'em. Come to think of it, they did seem a bit nervous, but I thought it was just

because they were coming to see a magician."

"Well, now they're on the other side of the door." Aahz scooped up one of the undamaged locks and

snapped it into place. "I don't think they can pick locks, or break them if they can't reach 'em.

They're there, which is their problem, self-inflicted I might add, and we're here. End of puzzle.

End of problem."

"Do you really think so, Aahz?"

"Trust me."

Somehow that phrase struck a familiar chord in my memory, and the echoes weren't pleasant. I was

about to raise this point with Aahz when Nunzio poked his head in the door.

"Hey, Boss. You got visitors."

"See?" my partner exclaimed, beaming. "I told you things could only get better! It's not even noon

and we've got more customers."

"Actually," Nunzio clarified, "it's a delegation of Deveels. I think it's the landlord."

"The landlord?" Aahz echoed hollowly.

"See how much better things have gotten?" I said with a disgusted smirk. "And it's not even noon."

"Shall I run 'em off, Boss?" Guido suggested.

"I think you'd better see 'em," Nunzio advised. "They seem kind'a upset. Something about us

harboring fugitives."

Aahz and I locked gazes in silence, which was only natural as there was nothing more to be said.

With a vague wave that bordered on a nervous tick, I motioned for Nunzio to show the visitors in.

As expected, it was the same delegation of four from the Devan Chamber of Commerce who had

originally hired us to work for the Bazaar, headed by our old adversary, Hay-ner. Last time we

dealt with him, we had him over a barrel and used the advantage mercilessly. While he had agreed

to our terms, I always suspected it had hurt his Devan pride to cut such a generous deal and that

he had been waiting ever since to pay us back. From the smile on his face as he entered our

reception room, it appeared he felt his chance had finally come.

"Aahh, Master Skeeve," he said. "How good of you to see us so promptly without an appointment. I

know how busy you are, so I'll come right to the point. I believe there are certain individuals in

residence here that our organization is most anxious to speak with. If you would be so kind as to

summon them, we won't trouble you further."

"Wait a minute, Hay-ner," Aahz put in before I could respond. "What makes you think the people

you're looking for are here?"

"Because they were seen entering your tent less than an hour ago and haven't come out yet," said

the largest of Hay-ner's back-up team.

I noticed that unlike Hay-ner, he wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked down-right angry.

"He must mean the ones who came in earlier," Nunzio suggested helpfully. "You know. Boss, the two

guys with the broad."

Aahz rolled his eyes in helpless frustration, and for once I was inclined to agree with him.

"Umm, Nunzio," I said, staring at the ceiling, "why don't you and Guido wait outside while we take

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care of this?"

The two bodyguards trooped outside in silence, though I noticed that Guido glared at his cousin

with such disdain that I suspected a stern dressing-down would take place even before I could get

to him myself. The Mob is no more tolerant than magicians of staff members who say more than they

should in front of the opposition.

"Now that we've established that we all know who we're talking about and that they're here," Hay-

ner said, rubbing his hands together, "call them out and we'll finish this once and for all."

"Not so fast," I interrupted. "First of all, neither of us have laid eyes on those folks you're

looking for, because, second of all, they aren't here. They took it on the lam out the back door

before we could meet them."

"Somehow, I don't expect you to take our word for it," Aahz added. "So feel free to search the

place."

The Deveel's smile broadened, and I was conscious of cold sweat breaking out on my brow.

"That won't be necessary. You see, whether I believe you or not is of little consequence. Even if

we searched, I'm sure you would be better at hiding things than we would be at finding them. All

that really matters is that we've established that they did come in here, and that makes them your

responsibility."

I wasn't sure exactly what was going on here, but I was sure that I was liking it less and less

with each passing moment.

"Wait a minute, Hay-ner," I began. "What do you mean 'We're responsible'? Responsible for what?"

"Why, for the fugitives, of course. Don't you remember? When we agreed to let you use this place

rent-free, part of the deal was that if anyone of this household broke any of the Bazaar rules,

and either disappeared off to another dimension or otherwise refused to face the charges, that you

would personally take responsibility for their actions. It's a standard clause in any Bazaar

lease."

"Aahz," I said testily, "you cut the deal. Was there a clause like that in it?"

"There was," he admitted. "But I was thinking of Tananda and Chumley at the time . . . and we'll

stand behind them anytime. Massha, too. It never occurred to me that they'd try to claim that

anyone who walked through our door was a member of our household. I don't see how they can hope to

prove...."

"We don't have to prove that they're in your household," Hay-ner smiled. "You have to prove they

aren't."

"That's crazy," Aahz exploded. "How can we prove...."

"Can it, Aahz. We can't prove it. That's the point.

All right, Hay-ner. You've got us. Now what exactly have these characters done that we're

responsible for and what are our options? I thought one of the big sales points of the Bazaar was

that there weren't any rules here."

"There aren't many," the Deveel said, "but the few that do exist are strictly enforced. The

specific rule your friends broke involves fraud." He quickly held up a hand to suppress my retort.

"I know what you're going to say. Fraud sounds like a silly charge with all the hard bargaining

that goes on here at the Bazaar, but to us it's a serious matter. While we pride ourselves in

driving a hard bargain, once the deal is made you get the goods you were promised. Sometimes there

are specific details omitted in describing the goods, but anything actually said is true. That is

our reputation and the continued success of the Bazaar depends on that reputation being

scrupulously maintained. If a trader or merchant sells something claiming it to be magical and it

turns out to have no powers at all, that's fraud ... and if the perpetrators are allowed to go

unpunished, it could mean the end of the Bazaar as we know it."

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"Actually," I said dryly, "all I was going to do was protest you billing them as our friends, but

I'll let it go. What you haven't mentioned is our options."

Hay-ner shrugged. "There are only three, really. You can pay back the money they took falsely plus

a twenty-five percent fine, accept permanent banishment from the Bazaar, or you can try to

convince your fr-aahh, I mean the fugitives to return to the Bazaar to settle matters themselves."

"I see . . . Very well. You've had your say. Now please leave so my partner and I can discuss our

position on the matter."

Aahz took care of seeing them out while I plunged into thought as to what we should do. When he

returned, we both sat in silence for the better part of an hour before either of us spoke. "Well,"

I said at last, "what do you think?"

"Banishment from the Bazaar is out!" Aahz snarled. "Not only would it destroy our reputations, I'm

not about to get run out of the Bazaar and our home over something as idiotic as this!"

"Agreed," I said grimly. "Even though it occurs to me that Hay-ner is bluffing on that option. He

wants us to stick around the Bazaar as much as we want to stay. He was the one who hired us in the

first place, remember? I think he's expecting us to ante up and pay the money. That way he gets

back some of the squeeze he so grudgingly parted with. Somehow the idea of giving in to that kind

of pressure really galls me." Aahz nodded.

"Me too."

There followed several more minutes of silence.

"Okay," Aahz said finally, "who's going to say it?" "We're going to have to go after them." I

sighed. "Half right," Aahz corrected. "I'm going to have to go after them. Partner or not, we're

talking about hitting a totally new dimension here, and it's too dangerous for someone at your

level of magical skill."

"My level? How about you? You don't have any powers at all. If it's too dangerous for me, what's

supposed to keep you safe?"

"Experience," he said loftily. "I'm used to doing this, and you aren't. End of argument."

" 'End of argument' nothing! Just how do you propose to leave me behind if I don't agree?"

"That's easy," Aahz grinned. "See who's standing in the corner?"

I turned to look where he was pointing, and that's the last thing I remembered for a long time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Three:

"Reliable information is a must for successful planning."

-C. COLUMBUS

"HEY! Hot stuff! Wake up!! You okay?"

If I led a different kind of life, those words would have been uttered by a voluptuous vision of

female loveliness. As it was, they were exclaimed by Massha.

This was one of the first things that penetrated the fogginess of my mind as I struggled to regain

consciousness. I'm never at my best first thing in the morning, even when I wake up leisurely of

my own accord. Having wakefulness forced upon me by someone else only guarantees that my mood will

be less than pleasant.

However groggy I might be feeling, though, there was no mistaking the fact that it was Massha

shaking me awake. Even through unfocused eyes, her form was unmistakable. Imagine, if you will,

the largest, fattest woman you've ever met. Now expand that image by fifty percent in all

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