Introduction
What do I do about titles? It's a problem that, perhaps, I shouldn't plague you with,
but 1 like to think that my Gentle Readers are all my friends, and what are friends for
if not to plague with problems?
Many's the time I've sat staring at a blank sheet of paper for many minutes, unable to
start a science essay even though I knew exactly what I was going to discuss and
how I was going to discuss it and everything else about it - except the title. Without a
title, I can't begin.
It gets worse with time, too, for I suffer under the curse of prolificity. Over two
hundred and thirty books;
over three hundred short stories; over thirteen hundred non-fiction essays - and every
one of them needing a title - a new title - a meaningful title -
Sometimes I wish I could just number each product the way composers do. In fact, I
did this on two occasions. My hundredth and my two hundredth books are called
Opus 100 and Opus 200 respectively. Guess what I intend to call my three hundredth
book, if I survive to write it?
Numbers won't work in general, however. They look unlovely as titles (1984 is the
only successful example I can think of). They're hard to differentiate and identify.
Imagine going into a bookstore and at the last minute failing to remember whether it
is 123 or 132 you're looking for. I've met people who had trouble remembering the
title of a book on calculus that was entitled Calculus.
Besides, editors insist on significant titles, and the sales staff insists on titles that sell,
and I insist on titles that amuse me. Pleasing everybody is difficult, so I concentrate
first on pleasing me.
There are several types of titles that please me where my individual science essays
are concerned. I like quotations, for instance, which apply to the subject matter of the
essay in an unexpected way.
For instance, we know exactly what Lady Macbeth
meant when she cried out in agony, during her sleep-walking scene, 'Out, damned
spot!' but you could also say it to a dog named Spot that had just walked onto the
living room carpet with muddy feet, or you could apply it perfectly accurately as I
did in my first essay.
And when Juliet warns Romeo against swearing by 'the inconstant moon', she
doesn't quite mean what I mean in the title of the ninth essay.
Another way of using a quotation is to give it a little twist. Leo Durocher said,
'Nice guys finish last' and Mark Antony referred to Brutus as 'the noblest Roman of
them all'. If I change a word to make a title that fits the subject matter of the essay, I
am happy. Or I can change a cliche into its opposite and go from a 'secret weapon' to
an 'unsecret weapon'.
But I can't always. Sometimes I have to use something as pedestrian as
'Neutrality!' or 'More Crowded!' and then I am likely to write the entire essay with
my lower lip trembling and my blue eyes brimming with unshed tears.
Even my science-essay collections have become numerous enough to cause me
problems. This one is the fifteenth in a series taken from The Magazine of Fantasy
and Science Fiction (not counting four books which are reshufflings of essays in
older volumes).
The first book in the series was entitled Fact and Fancy because, logically enough,