Anthony, Piers - Xanth 23 - Xone of Contention

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This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this novel are either

fictitious or are used fictitiously.

XONE OF CONTENTION

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

A Tor Book

Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

175 Fifth Avenue

New York. NY 10010

www.tor.com

Tor® is a registered trademark of Tom Doherty Associates. LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Anthony, Piers

Xone of contention / Piers Anthony.— 1st ed.

p. cm.

"A Tom Doherty Associates book." ISBN 0-312-86691-7 I. Title

PS3551 .N73X66 1999 99-22200 813'.54—dc21 C1P

First Edition: October 1999

Printed in the United States of America

098765432 1

LEMON

dsel struggled with the program, but it just wouldn't jell The problem really was in the software,

which was unusually unintelligible How could he make it seem easy and user friendly, when its

programmers had evidently labored decades to make it difficult and hostile' This was of course how

he earned his living designing software to make other software seem nice But in this case he

needed to tweak a default in the computer operating system, and access to the key level was barred

That was the fundamental bone ol contention

"Damn you, Macrohard," he swore softly "Just once, couldn't you give a person a break9 I'm not

trying to steal Doors Irom you, just to put a special function on the keypad 'Enter' key so Grundy

Golem can work independent of the mouse There are folk who don t like being chained to the mouse,

you know this isn't Dizzy World Would it hurt you so bad to let someone have it his own way for a

change1' But of course he knew the answer yes it would truly pain the company to let a user ever

ha\e it his own way Macrohard never wanted anyone to forget ior half an instant exactly who was

the master, and who was the least important person in the universe It couldn t stop third party

programmers like Edsel from trying to alleviate things but it could and did make sure that they

were unable to make any significant improvements So the bone became a whole zone of contention

10 PIERS ANTHONY

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There had to be a way around this block. He had all the rest of it figured out—if he could just

use this one key. If he could only get in there to redefine it. Without Macrohard catching on. He

almost thought he had a glimmer of a way. but he couldn't quite grasp it. He was up against a

deadline, and this one aspect balked him maddeningly. This wasn't like his problem with the

printer, \\hich Doors refused to allow to use its two paper trays; both had to have paper, but

only one could be drawn from, so that he could not have one tray feeding paper while he refilled

the other, cycling through without delaying his work. That had been a real aggravation when he had

changed to Doors: its deliberate crippling of the useful features of his printer that he had

always used before. But what could he do? Doors had become just about the only game in town, and

it slammed shut on any fingers it chose. He had survived that aggravation, but he had not been

under a deadline then.

Maybe if he took a break, got his mind off it for an hour, the way would come to him. Sometimes it

was like that- you had to take the pressure off the gate before you could unlatch it. He

remembered his frustration the first time he needed to format a floppy disk, and Doors didn't even

list formatting as an option. Their Help feature did tell where to find it, but neglected to

clarify that a right mouse click was necessary instead of the left one, to get the proper menu.

Macrohard was a genius at providing the necessary function, but effectively disabling it by the

selective omission of a key detail, so that most users could not get the benefit of it. Truly fine

sadism. So he had wasted precious time before finally finding it by chance That was too often the

only way, as with evolution: time and chance. And that could be wearing on the psyche. While the

anonymous Doors programmers surely laughed their nerdly heads off. They evidently loved making

working folk waste time, energy,

and patience.

Edsel got up and walked to the garage. There was his pride: the Lemon motorcycle. He had had it

for years, and it was a great old machine. Just a little off its feed right now. but some

tinkering with the carburetor should fix that.

He laid out his tools and got to work. He always felt better when with his fine machine. The

nerviest thing he had ever done was to put it up as his stake in a bet with his friend Dug. But it

had been important, because he had won that bet. and gotten Pia. The bet had been that Dug. who

had hated computer games, would like Companions of Xanth. The

X()NE OF CONTFNTIO.N

motorcycle against the girl. Not only had Dug liked the game, he had come out of it with a new

girlfriend, Kiin, now his wife. So his old girlfriend, Pia, was freed to be with Edsel. A win-win

situation for the home team.

Or was it17 Now it was seven years later, and his marriage to Pia was in trouble. Somehow they

seemed to fight more than they made love. Sometimes they did both together. He was beginning to

wonder whether they had made a mistake. Dug and Kim hadn't; their marriage was solid and

harmonious. Which was odd, because Kim really wasn't lovely; she wasn't nearly as pretty as Pia,

and not half as sexy. She also talked too much. But somehow she seemed just right for Dug. She

clearly adored him, and he adored her. Edsel wasn't sure there had ever been a hard word between

them. In contrast to the way it was between Edsel and Pia. Edsel had asked Dug about that once:

how he had discovered Kim, and how they managed to get along so well.

The answer had been perplexing. "Sure, Kim didn't seem like much. But then she kissed me."

"That was it?"

"That was it. And when there's a problem, she kisses me again."

"When we have a problem, Pia won't kiss me at all."

"She's like that," Dug had agreed. That had reminded Edsel how Pia had once been Dug's girlfriend,

and he didn't care to dwell on that.

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He took down the carburetor, but the problem didn't seem to be there; it was clean and clear.

Maybe in the gasoline line? That could get more complicated.

"Edsel1"

He jumped. "Yes dear," he replied, hoping this was not going to be another scene. She looked and

sounded furious. Talk about a zone of contention!

"Don't 'yes dear1 me! What are you doing here?" •'[_"

"Why haven't you finished that Cuss Companion program yet? You know you shouldn't be goofing off

here when we have a deadline! Can't you finish anything? I just got a call from Kim, asking if she

can tell the buyer it's in the mail. I'll have to tell her no. because my idiotic husband cares

more for his junkcycle than for his job!"

He didn't try to explain. It wouldn't do any good, when she was like this. But he did need to get

back to the Companions program.

12 PIERS ANTHONY

He looked at his watch. Three hours had passed! He had gotten lost in the Lemon and his thoughts,

and spent way more time than he could afford. Pia had a right to be angry.

He reassembled things as rapidly as ieasible. and washed his hands. He went to hnd Pia, hoping to

explain, but she was on the phone, giving Kim an earful. It was an irony of the situation that the

two women got along great. Maybe that was because Pia was glad Kim was taking up Dug's attention,

and Kim was glad that Pia wasn't taking his attention. So he went to the office and put the

Companions program on his computer, running through its routine. He was rather proud of it,

overall.

A little figure, obviously fashioned of wood and rag, appeared. "Hi! I'm Grundy Golem, your

Companion of the moment. 1 speak Basic, C++ and other computer languages, but you don't need to

worry about that; I'll translate everything to your tongue. Please check in your name, gender,

age, status, and whatever." A check-off sheet appeared. Edsel typed m his name, and checked Male,

23, Married. This part was optional, but it added to the effect.

"That's great, Edsel,1' Grundy said. ''What do you want to know'' Click your cursor on one of

these words, or Select it by touching Alt and the first letter, and touch Keypad Enter." The

figure held up a sign listing a number of popular programs.

Edsel clicked on Macrohard Doors Excess. "Good," Grundy said. "Now before we get into this. Edsel,

I must tell you that >ou don't need to have me as your guide." His voice come through the system

speakers; this was a multimedia program. "You can choose any of these others by Selecting or

clicking on them." Several pictures appeared. One of them was Pia; it had amused them all to have

her be the model for their own program. She looked great, because a program figure didn't put on

weight the way a living one did.

Edsel clicked Pia. Her picture came to life. She was wearing a dark blue jacket and skirt, and had

small golden earrings representing Pluto, the P planet. "Very well, Edsel" she said dulcetly. "Now

how can I help you with Excess? Do you know anything about spreadsheets or databases?" She smiled.

She had a nice smile. In fact she had a nice everything, in appearance. He clicked "No,"

"Well, they are both ways of storing and using information," she said. "Would you like me to walk

you through the basics?"

XONt OF CONTFNTION 1 3

This time he clicked No, though she had a lovely walk. She faced him, putting on a cute smile of

perplexity. "Whut would you like. Edsel? Just type it in, and I'll do my best."

He typed "Disrobe."

"If you wish." She opened her jacket and drew it off, revealing a tight, well-filled sweater She

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put her hands on its base and began to draw it up. showing a sheer blouse beneath. Then she

paused, catching on. "Hey—it's supposed to be the program I'm helping you with, Edsel, not your

sex life."

He smiled. He had always liked that part. That was as close as the Companion Pia ever came to

quarreling, and farther on in the program she would remove the sweater if asked, and later the

sheer blouse too. But it took precise management to get her to remove her bra or skirt, and that

only after the user had demonstrated some competence in Excess. Her figure was worth the effort,

though. To date they had had only three complaints about that feature, and dozens of notes of

appreciation, and the program had sold well. One mother's letter had been choice: "Thank you so

much for teaching my thirteen year old son to operate Excess. I don't know how you did it, but he

learned it readily when he used your Companions guide, after getting nowhere elsewhere. He even

runs through the guide for refreshers every so often, and his friends are learning too. They all

say yours is the best." Obviously Mother herself had not caught on to the secret lure, and Junior

wasn't telling. Modern teens were not stupid about software of the feminine kind, or about the

attitudes of parents.

Edsel canned the program. It was the update for the Discuss word processor he was working on now,

popularly known as Cuss. The latest revision of Cuss word was even more complicated and balky than

usual, and really needed a good tutorial program. For example, it wouldn't let a file it made end

in anything but .doc. as if it were a cartoon rabbit, on pain of horrendous file-trashing threats.

Only by chance (as usual) had he discovered that he could get around that by putting his proposed

file names in quotes. His tutorial clarified that and other dirty little secrets. If he could just

make it work. He had to differentiate the two Enter keys, so that the Companions guide could have

its own "Okay" key for special effects. But he still couldn't figure out how to free it from Macro-

hard's malign grip. Dog in the manger: if Macro didn't want to use it, nobody could. That familiar

bone of contention, again.

14 PifcKS ANTHONI

Maybe there would be inspiration on the GigaGnd, or the Mundane Mega Mesh that enclosed the world

He clicked the Mode M site and was on his way

That's right—go hide m the Grid the way you alwa>s do,' Pia said sourly behind him

"Oh, go buy another box ot chocolates the way you always do," he retorted He would rather make

lo\e to her than fight her, anytime, but often there wasn't much choice

She disappeared, and he forged on into the Grid It was always this way she had a sharp tongue, and

he inevitably responded Their marriage was on the rocks, and with it, maybe, their business It it

weren't for Dug and Kirn, "Companions might have foundered already Kim was gregarious, so she was

the saleswoman phoning clients, emaihng them, paying personal calls, bringing in the orders that

were their life blood Dug handled the shipping and handling, often delivering the larger orders

personally, for he was a handsome man who always made a good impression Pia handled the accounts,

and Edsel of course, struggled with the programs He had let them down, this time, by trying for

too much, and now he didn't have a finished program for them to deliver He was the weak link, and

he hated that He was the lemon, this time

Now he was cruising the GigaGnd, meandering through the Mesh, looking for inspiration Maybe he

could yet figure it out, so that he could complete the program, and they could deliver it late He

whistled in the way he had, smiling, his tongue against the roof of his mouth it was easier than

doing it purse-lipped, and fewer people knew how to do it, a double ad\antage as far as he was

concerned He liked being different in inconsequential ways

He became aware that he had drifted into strange territory There was a sign THIS IS THE O-XONE

ENTRY TO THE MAGIC MESH REQUIRES THE RIGHT SPELL PENALTY FOR ABUSE IS A BUNION

Edsel laughed This was a joke or a challenge He liked challenges almost as much as he liked jokes

Pia had been a challenge So it seemed that someone had set up a Mesh Leaf \\ ilh a trick mode of

entry and he would see if he could get m What would be the key7

He tried the usual run ot code words and signals but the> didn t work Then his left big toe began

to hurt It felt like a bunion He put \oice into his whistle wondering whether this could be

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coincidence How could a Mesh Leal give a person a bunion' What kind of Xone ol contention was

this1

XOM 01 CONTENTION

The sign changed SPELL ACCEPTED YOU ARE NOW IN THE O-XONE FOR ASSISTANCE IN NAVIGATING THE MAGIC

MESH SEE BREANNA OF THE BLACK WAVE

Spell accepted9 What was it talking aboutJ Oh—it must be a joke the sign changing automatically

after a moment, encouraging him to hit on this Leaf So okay, he could play this game, where was

this Black Wave gal9

He walked down the hall, and noticed two things first, his bunion was gone, and second, what was

he doing walking down a hall' This was an address on the Mundane Mega Mesh ot the GigaGnd, he was

ga?mg at his computer screen and interfacing with mouse and keyboard Yet he wasn't, he was now

walking down a hall There were booths along it, each with a picture of a person, and a name The

colors were somehow brighter and clearer than those in his office, and the air seemed fresher

And here was the name Breanna under the face of a cute black girl who looked to be about sixteen

She must be the one So he lifted his knuckle and knocked on the picture

It came to life "Ouch1 You hit me1"

Startled, Edsel apologized "Sorry I didn't mean to "

She looked at him "What do you mean, didn't mean to'" she de manded with cute severity "You

rapped me on the noggin with your knuckle "

"I—I thought it was just a picture I was knocking on the door You know—hitting the site I never

thought it would be literal '

She stared at him "You're Mundane'"

He was taken aback "I confess I am You arenV

"Of course not Not any more Now I'm Xanthian In real life I mean this is just my Magic

Mesh Leaf How did you get into the O Xone9"

"There was a sign, saying something about a spell and a penalty and m\ foot began to hurt, and I

whistled—and then I was here So I did what it said, and looked you up "

Breanna seemed mollified "Okay Let's start at the top I'm Breanna of the Black Wave My talent is

to see m blackness Who are you and what's yoursr

I'm Edsel of—ot Mundama, and I guess my talent is to cruise the GigaGnd Or to make droll jokes But

I ne\er found this—this Magic Mesh before

"Of course not; it's barred to most Mundanes." The picture considered. It ucn a picture; just her

head and shoulders, animate but flat, like a TV image. Yet her eyes looked at him, and she was

responsive to his words. "You must have found a glitch. A spell that wasn't programmed.

What exactly did you do?"

"Well, 1 whistled Like this." He made a voiced whistle.

The picture wavered and became three dimensional. Breanna's lips pursed. "That's magic, all right;

it just enhanced my sight.''

"You mean your site?"

She smiled. "That too. maybe. I mean, suddenly I see you rounded

instead of flat. Am 1 the same to you?"

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"Yes But you're still just a head and shoulders. I can't see your rounded portions, though I'd

like to."'

She flashed another smile, appreciating the implied humorous compliment. "For sure. Thai's all

there is of me in the Leaf. I mean, how could the real me be here9"

"I don't know. The real me seems to be here, though that seems

impossible."

"For sure. We'll have to patch that glitch. But you don't seem bad

for a Mundane."

"Well. I hope I'm not bad. even if my marriage is patchy." He

hadn't meant to say that; he was a little unsettled.

"Too bad you're not in Xanlh. Marriages are forever, there."

"1 know. My friend Dug went to Xanth and met Kim there, and they

ha\e a happy marriage."

Breanna's eyes widened. "You know Dug and Kim Mundane9" "Sure. I'm in business with them. I was

the one who first put Dug

onto Xanth. The Xanth game. I mean; I didn't know he'd actually cross

over.''

"Yeah, he was in the Companions game. I wish I could have been

a Companion "

"Oh? Why weren't you?"

"I was too young then, only nine. Anyway, the Black Wave had just come into Xanth then; we didn't

know our way around. Sherlock went with Dug and found a good place by Ogre Chobee for us to settle

in. So I guess I can't complain. But it sure sounds like tun."

"It sure does." he agreed. "Well, if I'm ever in Xanth, you can be my Companion and show me

around." He felt a trace ot guilt as he

or CONTENTION

spoke, because he was flirting with this cute girl, and as a married man he shouldn't.

"1 can.' That's great!"

"Only I can't get into Xanth," he said with regret. "Dug and Kim go there only when invited. There

was some kind of trial. Something about a big bird, I think."

"Roxanne Roc," Breanna agreed. "She won. She's just about the most important bird in Xanth now,

except for the Simurgh. That's another great moment of history I missed. Bleep. I'd sure like to

be in on a Great Moment. Well, I did get to go to Jenny's wedding." Then her picture paused,

orienting on him with wild surmise. "Say—maybe we can do each other some good. Maybe you can visit

Xanth, and I can be your Companion and show you around, and maybe that will be a great adventure

and accomplish something nice, like patching up your marriage."

Edsel realized that Breanna was a creature of dreams. But her enthusiasm was contagious. "I'd like

that. But I don't see how."

"I just got this wonderful wild notion. Here we are talking in the Interface If we could stretch

it a little farther, and exchange places, then maybe you'd be in Xanth and I'd be in Mundama. I

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wouldn't mind visiting it. though T sure wouldn't want to stay." Then she reconsidered. "Well,

maybe not you and me changing places, exactly. Maybe I could switch with your wile, and you could

switch with my boyfriend Justin."

"Justin?"

"Justin Tree. He used to be a tree—well, he was a man first, then a tree, then we met. and now

we're betrothed but we can't marry because I'm too young. We can't even smooch much, because I'm

not supposed to know the Adult Conspiracy. I hate that! I mean, what's the point in making him

convert early to a young man—he took some youth elixir— if we can't do anything? It's driving me

crazy."

"I think 1 know the feeling," Edsel said, though he hardly understood all of what she was saying.

"So maybe if Justin and I could switch with you folk, and get into Mundama for a while, where

there's not much enforcement of the Conspiracy, we could at least go from necking to petting. And

you folk could do whatever you wanted, in Xanth, and >our marriage wouldn't be in trouble, because

marriages never are."

This was surely sheer foolishness, but it was wickedly tempting. "I'd do it. if there were a way "

18 PIFRS ANTHONI

"I'm thinking there could be a way. With the right connection. If nobody objected." She cocked her

head "Do you think sixteen is too young?1'

He knew what was on her mind. ''I was sixteen when I got together with Pia, and she was fifteen. A

girl can be pretty mature at fifteen, and moreso thereafter."

"For sure!" she agreed happily. "And Justm's not young at all. He's about ninety nine. I think."

He thought he had misheard. "Nineteen?"

"Ninety nine," she said carelully. "But he was a tree most of that time. I told you. But now he's

been youthened to nineteen, so he'll be twenty one when I'm eighteen. We think that's about right.

But he's got these grandfather!y reservations about things. You know, about touching girls. I

figure if I can just get him safely alone for a week or so, I can bash down those barriers." She

glanced at him again. "Do you think so?"

"Uh. that depends. If—"

"Oh, right, you can't see the rest of me. Well, it's proportional. Especially when 1 take off my

clothes."

She did have adult notions. As Pia had had, at that age. "Then if he's got the body of a nineteen

year old male, and you're sixteen, and proportional, you should be able to handle him in about

three minutes."

She laughed. "Yeah. That's what I figure. When I get the chance. Anyway, here's how: physical

travel between Xanth and Mundania is difficult, unless you have a special pass. Oh, I mean you can

do it, but you're liable to come out in some other time or place and be lost. But exchanging

bodies—I think that's feasible."

"Exchanging bodies?" he asked somewhat blankly.

"You're a bit slow on the uptake, aren't you," she remarked without rancor. "If ! switch with your

wife, and you switch with Justin, then the two of you would be in Xanth. You'd be in our bodies,

but you'd still be you. And you could do what you wanted to So could we."

"Oh. Yes. That could be interesting " In tact, as he considered it, it seemed more than

interesting. If he could embrace Breanna, knowing it was really Pia, so he wasn't being unlaithful

. . . x His thought trailed into an ellipsis with a potentially infinite number of dots. Some of

them were white dots, like Pia; some were brown, like Breanna.

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"So let's see about it. We'll need some magic to handle it, but I think I know whom to check with.

I'll have to go out of the O-Xone a moment, though."

XO\I Or CONTtMlON

"What does the O stand for?"

"Other. I think. Because UN neither here nor there. It's the interface between Xanth and Mundania,

a halfway zone. I'm on duty because I remember some about Mundania. so can help folk like you,

though we haven't been set up long and you're the first, and you're not even a Character."

"A what?"

"A Character. Xanth folk come here to the O-Xone and pretend to be Mundanes, and I guess Mundanes

try to pretend to be Xanthians, mostly in their X-Xone, and maybe soon they can meet halfway. When

we get it organized. Scan's working on it."

"Who''"

"Sean Baldwin. He's Mundane, but he's with Willow, who's Xan-thian. She's a winged elf, actually.

Sometimes he has to stay in Mundania, and she has to stay in Xanth, so they can't be together all

the time, so they want a connection, and maybe this will be it."

Breanna tended to provide more information than he could assimilate immediately, but it did help

some. He returned to basics. "This business of exchanging bodies—I'm still not sure exactly how

that works."

"Yeah, I guess you ought to try it. Maybe you should step into a picture."

"Do what?"

"Just walk on down to one of the scenes, and think yourself into it, and you'll get a sample.

That's part of what the O-Xone is all about: sampling the other side. It'll give you a feel for

it, though it's really illusion."

"Illusion?"

She frowned. "You are slow. Here in the O-Xone the magic's not complete, and illusion's cheap, so

we use it a lot. I've got to go check with Nimby, so you take a break in a picture, and we'll meet

here again when we're both done. Okay?"

"Uh, okay." he agreed.

The picture lost animation. It was just a picture, again instead of a video.

He turned and walked on down the hall, looking at the other pictures. The> were of various fantasy

scenes, each painted on a large leaf. One was a fanc\ castle, with a moat around it and fruit

trees beside it, labeled CASTLE ROOGNA. Another was a monstrous gulf, labeled GAP CHASM. Another

was a group of centaurs. That made him pause. The males were

muscuUu in their human aspects, with large bows slung across their backs, while the females

were—extremely well endowed They wore no clothing on their bodies, not even halters. Fascinating!

But he wasn't ready to tackle anything like that, so he moved on until he came to a scene oi a

deep, quiet forest. There was a squirrel in the foreground. ordinary except ior one thing: it had

wings. A flying squirrel, of course.

That should do. But how did he gel into that body, even in illusion? There didn't seem to be any

instructions. Breanna had assumed he knew how, forgetting how "slow" he was about such things.

Think himself into it, as she had suggested?

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"I am a squirrel." he said tentatively. Nothing happened. "A winged squirrel." Still nothing.

He stared into the picture, pondering. Did he need to hum-whistle to invoke the magic9 He tried

that, and the picture seemed to shimmer and expand, but he still wasn't in it. The winged squirrel

was still there, with a dark trail wending into the background.

Then, irrelevantly, he remembered a song. It was about a young man who faced a difficult trip

through a forest, yet he anticipated it with joy. He began to hum it, thinking the words. "Though

the path is long and dark, rocky steep and narrow/Though the wood is dark and cold, this brings me

no sorrow." Because in that woodland lived his darling loved one. Edsel was married, but he still

liked romantic situations. He pictured Pia in that wood, as lovely as she had been at sixteen.

Then he was in the scene. The forest was suddenly huge around him. He took a step, faltered, and

spread his wings for balance. He was the flying squirrel! Could he really fly? It seemed worth a

try.

He faced in the direction of a glade, spread his wings, ran on his hind feet, flapped—and was

airborne! He pumped his wings frantically, trying to maintain balance while gaining elevation, but

overdid it and stalled out. He dropped, landing on his tail. No damage done, fortunately.

But his clumsy effort had attracted attention. Suddenly a monstrous shape was entering the glade.

It was a fire-breathing dragon!

Edsel panicked. He got all four feet under him, folded his wings, and scooted for the nearest

underbrush. A jet of flame passed over his head, and he realized that the dragon had expected him

to take flight, so had aimed high. But because he was really a land-bound creature, he had stayed

on land—and maybe saved himself a frying.

However, the dragon wasn't through. It was reorienting, and this time it wouldn't miss Brush would

not protect him from that flamethrower

XONF OF CONTENTION 21

Edsel scrambled for the nearest tree, getting behind it just as the flame set the brush on fire.

How could he escape? He peered up the trunk of the tree. The top seemed worlds away, and he didn't

trust his claws to hold on, for all that he was a squirrel. The dragon could toast him long before

he got out of range. He heard the ground shaking is it tramped toward the tree

He would have to make a break for it on the ground. Maybe il he ran toward the dragon, that would

surprise it, and he could get by it and beyond it before it could turn around. Then maybe he could

find a hole in the ground or something.

A giant foot crashed down on one side of the tree. Edsel turned to the other side—and there was

the dragon's awful snoot. He was trapped before he even got started.

"I want out of here!" he cried. And there he was back in the hall, standing before the picture,

which now showed a dragon crouching by a tree. His heart was pounding. That had been one close

escape.

If this was illusion, he wasn't sure he would care to try the reality. He'd better tell Breanna

the deal was off. He walked down the hall toward her Leaf.

Then, bothered by something, he turned back to the picture. The dragon was now looking around,

evidently having lost the squirrel. That was what Edsel had wanted to know: that the squirrel had

escaped. He had not led it into a frying or chomping. He turned away again, relieved.

As he approached the Leaf, it came to life. "Oh, there you are," Breanna's face said. "Did you

enjoy yourself?"

"Not exactly," he said, abashed.

"I thought maybe you'd try the one with the mermaids in the pool. I hear they can be very friendly

with human visitors."

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"I didn't see that one," he said, with real regret. He could have entered a scene with friendly

mermaids? He had heard it said that a mermaid had all the good parts of a woman, and none of the

bad parts. As if there were any bad parts.

"Or maybe the one showing the Faun & Nymph Retreat. Naturally I'm not supposed to know how they

celebrate all day, being underage, but I have a suspicion you'd find it interesting."

More than a suspicion, he was sure. He really should have checked out all the pictures before

choosing one. "No, I got into one with a flying squirrel."

"That one? I hope you watched out for the dragon."

22 PihRS ANTHONY

"I did run afoul of the dragon. It almost got me. A couple of those fire jets just missed me."

"Yeah, it's enchanted to just barely miss each time. To make it seem realistic. Even if the dragon

scored on you, it couldn't hurt you, because it's illusion. A score that didn't work would ruin

the effect, but a near miss can be scary."

"Yes." So he had been taken in by illusion, when there was no danger. That gave him new respect

for illusion.

" 'Sokay. I checked with Chlorine, and she says it's fine, except that I can't go to Mundania."

"You can't? But that's not fine, because you wanted to visit there, with Justm to—you know."

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. Really. Because I'm getting something better. I'll get to be

your Companion in Xanth. And maybe, if there's some slack time, like camping overnight, if I try

to stretch the Adult Conspiracy a little—

"I won't even notice." Edsel said quickly. "Or tell. It's your business, nobody else's."

"Yeah," she said gratefully. "Chlorine understands, too. She used to be plain, before things

changed."

"Chlorine? Where I come from, we put that in water."

"You aren't where you come from." she said with half a smile. "You'll meet Nimby and Chlorine

tomorrow. But there's more: they're going to visit Mundania, by switching bodies with you. They'll

need Companions too. to show them around, because Mundania can be just as dangerous as Xanth for

strangers. So can you dig up a reliable pair of Mundane Companions?"

"Mundane Companions? I suppose we could ask Dug and Kim—"

"Great! Bring them here this time tomorrow, and your wife, and I'll bring Nimby and Chlorine, and

Justin, and we can work it all out This should be a great adventure."

Just like that? But of course Dug and Kim had had experience in Xanth, so should have good advice.

What Pia would think of this he wasn't sure. But it was worth a try. "I'll do that," he said.

"Great!" Breanna repeated. "See you tomorrow." Her picture reverted.

Bemused, Edsel faced the O-Xone exit and walked. As he came to the marked portal, he saw it was a

wall He did his hum-whistle, and suddenly he was out. He could tell, because he was looking at a

monitor

XONF or Co\n NTION 23

screen with a cursor blinking in front of him. The hall with pictures was gone.

He exited the Mesh, and then the GigaGnd. He had some talking to do, to several people.

First, Pia. She was every bit as understanding as usual. "Have you been doing drugs?"

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file:///F|/rah/Piers%20Anthony/Anthony,%20Piers%20-%20Xanth%2023%20-%20Xone%20of%20Contention.txtThisisaworkoffiction.Allthecharactersandeventsportrayedinthisnovelareeitherfictitiousorareusedfictitiously.XONEOFCONTENTIONCopyright©1999byPiersAnthonyJacobAllrightsreserved,includingtherighttoreproduc...

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