John le Carré - Single And Single

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John le Carré

Single &

Single

John le Carre

Published: 1999

CHAPTER ONE

This gun is not a gun.

Or such was Mr Winser's

determined conviction when the

youthful Alix Hoban, European

Managing Director and Chief

Executive of Trans-Finanz Vienna,

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John le Carré

St. Petersburg and Istanbul,

introduced a pallid hand into the

breast of his Italian blazer and

extracted neither a platinum

cigarette case nor an engraved

business card, but a slim blue-

black automatic pistol in mint

condition, and pointed it from a

distance of six inches at the

bridge of Mr Winser's beakish but

strictly non-violent nose. This

gun does not exist. It is

inadmissible evidence. It is no

evidence at all. It is a non-gun.

Mr Alfred Winser was a lawyer,

and to a lawyer facts were there

to be challenged. All facts. The

more self-evident a fact might

appear to the layman, the more

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John le Carré

vigorously must the conscientious

lawyer contest it. And Winser at

that moment was as conscientious

as the best of them.

Nevertheless, he dropped his

briefcase in his astonishment. He

heard it fall, he felt the

pressure of it linger on his

palm, saw with the bottom of his

eyes the shadow of it lying at

his feet: my briefcase, my pen,

my passport, my air tickets and

travellers' cheques. My credit

cards, my legality. Yet he did

not stoop to pick it up, though

it had cost a fortune. He

remained staring mutely at the

non-gun.

This gun is not a gun. This apple

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John le Carré

is not an apple. Winser was

recalling the wise words of his

law tutor of forty years ago as

the great man spirited a green

apple from the depths of his

frayed sports coat and brandished

it aloft for the inspection of

his mostly female audience: 'It

may look like an apple, ladies,

it may smell like an apple, feel

like an apple' - innuendo - 'but

does it rattle like an apple?' -

shakes it - 'cut like an apple?' -

hauls an antique breadknife from

a drawer of his desk, strikes.

Apple translates into a shower of

plaster. Carols of laughter as

the great man kicks aside the

shards with the toe of his

sandal.

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John le Carré

But Winser's reckless flight down

memory lane did not stop there.

From his tutor's apple it was but

a blinding flash of sunlight to

his greengrocer in Hampstead

where he lived and dearly wished

himself at this moment: a cheery,

unarmed apple-purveyor in a jolly

apron and straw hat who sold, as

well as apples, fine fresh

asparagus that Winser's wife

Bunny liked, even if she didn't

like much else her husband

brought her. Green, remember,

Alfred, and grown above ground,

never the white - pressing the

shopping basket on him. And only

if they're in season, Alfred, the

forced ones never taste. Why did

I do it? Why do I have to marry

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John le Carré

people in order to discover I

don't like them? Why can't I make

up my mind ahead of the fact

instead of after it? What is

legal training for, if not to

protect us from ourselves? With

his terrified brain scouring

every avenue of possible escape,

Winser took comfort in these

excursions into his internal

reality. They fortified him, if

only for split seconds, against

the unreality of the gun.

This gun still does not exist.

But Winser couldn't take his eyes

off it. He had never seen a gun

so close, never been obliged to

take such intimate note of

colour, line, markings,

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John le Carré

burnishment and style, all

perfectly pointed up for him in

the glaring sunlight. Does it

fire like a gun? Does it kill

like a gun, extinguish like a

gun, removing face and features

in a shower of plaster? Bravely,

he revolted against this

ridiculous possibility. This gun

does not, absolutely does not

exist! It is a chimera, a trick

of white sky, heat and sunstroke.

It is a fever gun brought on by

bad food, bad marriages and two

exhausting days of smoky

consultations, unsettling

limousine rides through

sweltering, dusty, traffic-choked

Istanbul, by a giddying early-

morning dash in the Trans-Finanz

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John le Carré

private jet above the brown

massifs of central Turkey, by a

suicidal three-hour drive over

switchback coast roads and

hairpin bends under red rock

precipices to the world's utter

end, this arid boulder-strewn

promontory of buckthorn and

broken beehives six hundred feet

above the Eastern Mediterranean,

with the morning sun already

turned to full, and Hoban's

unblinking gun - still there and

still a phantasm - peering like a

surgeon into my brain.

He closed his eyes. See? he told

Bunny. No gun. But Bunny was

bored as usual, urging him to

have his pleasure and leave her

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John le Carré

in peace, so instead he addressed

the Bench, a thing he hadn't done

for thirty years:

My Lord, it is my pleasant duty

to advise the Court that the

matter of Winser versus Hoban has

been amicably resolved. Winser

accepts that he was mistaken in

suggesting that Hoban brandished

a gun during a site conference in

the southern Turkish hills. Hoban

in return has provided a full and

satisfactory explanation of his

actions...

And after that, out of habit or

respect, he addressed his

Chairman, Managing Director and

Svengali for the last twenty

years, the eponymous founder and

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John le Carré

creator of the House of Single,

the one and only Tiger Single

himself:

It's Winser here, Tiger. Very

well indeed, thank you, sir, and

how about your good self?

Delighted to hear it. Yes, I

think I can say that everything

is exactly as you wisely

predicted, and the response to

date has been entirely

satisfactory. Only one small

thing - water under the bridge

now - not a breakpoint - our

client's man Hoban gave the

impression of drawing a gun on

me. Nothing in it, all a fantasy,

but one does like to be

forewarned...

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JohnleCarréSingle&SingleJohnleCarrePublished:1999CHAPTERONEThisgunisnotagun.OrsuchwasMrWinser'sdeterminedconvictionwhentheyouthfulAlixHoban,EuropeanManagingDirectorandChiefExecutiveofTrans-FinanzVienna,file:///D|/EBooks/Le%20Carre/Le%20Carre,%20John%20-%20Single%20And%20Sin\gle.htm(1of1134)[16.02.20...

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John le Carré - Single And Single

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