Nancy Friday - Women On Top (V1.0 PDF)

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WOMEN WOMEN

ONON

TOP TOP

HOW REAL LIFE

HAS CHANGED

WOMEN’S SEXUAL

FANTASIES

Nancy Friday

The right of Nancy Friday to be

identified as Author of this work has been asserted

by Nancy Friday in accordance with the

This edition first published in 1991 by

Hutchinson

Reprinted 1992

Random Century Group Ltd

20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SW1V 2SA

Random Century Australia (Pty) Ltd

20 Alfred Street, Milsons Point, Sydney, NSW 2061, Australia

Random Century New Zealand Ltd

PO Box 40-086, Glenfield, Auckland 10, New Zealand

Random Century South Africa (Pty) Ltd

PO Box 337, Bergvlei, 2012, South Africa

BRITISH LIBRARY CATALOGUING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Friday, Nancy

Women on top: Women’s sexual fantasies.

I. Title

306.7082

ISBN 0-09-175308-2 (cased)

ISBN 0-09-175338-4 (paperback)

Photoset by Speedset Ltd, Ellesmere Port

Printed and bound in Great Britain by

Clays Ltd, St Ives PLC

Contents

PART ONE: REPORT FROM THE EROTIC INTERIOR... 1

PART TWO: SEPARATING SEX AND LOVE:

IN PRAISE OF MASTURBATION................. 17

A Little History...............................................23

What We Win From Masturbation...................26

The Mother/Daughter Deal..............................28

Masturbation Helps Men Separate

Love And Sex...............................................32

The Nice Girl Rules.........................................34

The Swept Away Phenomenon.........................36

How Much Have We Really Changed? ............43

The Cloaca Concept........................................44

What Is A Real Woman?.................................45

PART THREE: THE FANTASIES ............................................ 48

A Word About The Women And Their

Fantasies ......................................................50

Chapter One: Seductive, Sometimes Sadistic, Sexually

Controlling Women....................................53

The Great Seductress: The Power Of The

Pleasure Giver ..............................................53

Good Mother/Good Orgasm ............................87

“All I Want Is To Control Everything” ..........101

Angry Women/Sadistic Fantasies...................127

“Look At Me!” The Power Of

The Exhibitionist ........................................161

Chapter Two: W omen With Women....................................185

“Only Another Woman Knows”.....................185

“Am I Gay?”.................................................224

The Other Woman As Mirror ........................252

Chapter Three: Insatiable Women: The Cry for More............277

The Thrill Of The Forbidden .........................278

Women With Bigger Appetites

Than Their Men..........................................295

One Woman, Many Fantasies........................326

“More Oral, Please!”.....................................336

Taking It All In .............................................375

Groups..........................................................397

Watching Two Men Have Sex.......................411

If I Had A Penis ............................................427

Without this playing with

Fantasy no creative work has

ever yet come to birth. The

debt we owe to the play of

imagination is incalculable.

Carl Gustav Jung

Psychological Types, 1923

For Mary of Lexington

Kentucky and for my

darling Norman

Part OnePart One

Report From The

Erotic Interior

t’s an odd time to be writing about sex. Not at all like the late 1960s

and 1970s, when the air was charged with sexual curiosity, women’s

lives were changing at the rate of a geometric progression, and the ex-

ploration of women’s sexuality – well, it ranked right up there with eco-

nomic equality.

Today’s sexual climate is somber. Gone are the lively debates and writ-

ings about sex as part of our humanity. The toll of AIDS, reports from the

abortion battlefield, and the alarming rise of unintended pregnancies make

sex seem more risky than joyful.

By their sheer numbers young men and women twenty years ago made

sex a burning issue; later when the time came to go on to more “serious”

business, they put the sexual revolution to bed. Implicit in the prim set of

their lips today is that they overdid it twenty years ago; like good Calvinist

children the Establishment now punishes itself for its former naughty ex-

cesses and righteously turns its back on sex. Because they are still the ma-

jority who make the rules and write the headlines, they assume they speak

for everyone.

They know little of the women in this book.

These women are for the most part in their twenties, the generation that

followed the sexual revolution and the initial momentum of the women’s

movement. Their voices sound like a new race of women compared to those

in My Secret Garden, my first book on women’s sexual fantasies, which

was published in 1973, and is now in its twenty-ninth printing. While they

have all read that earlier book and taken heart from it, these young women

accept their sexual fantasies as a natural extension of their lives. Given the

unique period in women’s history in which they grew up, how could it be

otherwise?

For them the explosive emotions we unleashed in the 1970s are still very

much alive. There has never been a sexual hiatus, a cooling-off period. Sex

is a given, an energy not to be deferred for “more important things.” Their

sexual fantasies are startling reflections of their determination to abandon

nothing.

Here is a collective imagination that could not have existed twenty years

ago, when women had no vocabulary, no permission, and no shared identity

in which to describe their sexual feelings. Those first voices were tentative

and filled with guilt, not for having done anything, but simply for daring to

admit the inadmissible: that they had erotic thoughts that sexually aroused

them.

Nancy Friday 4

More than any other emotion, guilt determined the story lines of the fan-

tasies in My Secret Garden. Here were hundreds of women inventing ploys

to get past their fear that wanting to reach orgasm made them Bad Girls.

All in the privacy of their own minds, where no one would know. But in the

mind of the symbiotic child, mother did know. The daughter could be

grown and with children of her own, but if she had never emotionally sepa-

rated from that first person who controlled her totally, how was she to

know what was mother’s opinion, what was her own? It was as if mother

continued to sit in judgment throughout the daughter’s life, wagging her

finger at the daughter’s every sexual move and thought.

The most popular guilt-avoiding device was the so-called rape fantasy –

“so-called” because no rape, bodily harm, or humiliation took place in the

fantasy. It simply had to be understood that what went on was against the

woman’s will. Saying she was “raped” was the most expedient way of get-

ting past the big No to sex that had been imprinted on her mind since early

childhood. (Let me add that the women were emphatic that these were not

suppressed wishes; I never encountered a woman who said she really

wanted to be raped.)

Anonymity also helped. The men in these fantasies were faceless strang-

ers invented to further insure the women against involvement, responsibil-

ity, the possibility of a relationship. These males did their job and left. Be-

ing fucked by the faceless stranger made it doubly clear: “This pleasure is

not my fault! I’m still a Nice Girl, Mom.”

Certainly sexual guilt hasn’t disappeared, nor has the rape fantasy.

There is something very workmanlike and reliable about the traditional bul-

lies and bad people whose intractable presence allows the woman to reach

her goal, orgasm. But most of the women in this book take guilt as a given,

like the danger of speeding cars. Guilt, they’ve learned, comes from with-

out, from mother, from church. Sex comes from within and is their entitle-

ment. Guilt, therefore, must be controlled, mastered, and used to heighten

excitement. If there is a rape fantasy, today’s woman is just as likely to flip

the scenario into one in which she overpowers and rapes the man. This sort

of thing just didn’t happen in My Secret Garden.

Fantasy is where the sexual drive does battle with opposing emotions, the

selection of which comes out of our individual lives, our earliest sexual

histories. What were the forbidden feelings we took in as we grew? In these

new fantasies, the emotions that most often dictate the story lines are anger,

the desire for control, and the determination to experience the fullest sexual

release.

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WOMENWOMENONONTOPTOPHOWREALLIFEHASCHANGEDWOMEN’SSEXUALFANTASIESNancyFriday©NancyFriday1991TherightofNancyFridaytobeidentifiedasAuthorofthisworkhasbeenassertedbyNancyFridayinaccordancewiththeCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct,1988AllrightsreservedThiseditionfirstpublishedin1991byHutchinsonReprinted1992Ra...

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