His heels knocked as he let his right hand spider to his top coat pocket and slip
forth yet a forth eye with which to fasten me: a bright, thin monocle which he
screwed into his stare as if decupping a boiled egg. I winced. For now the monocle
was part of his glare and regarded me with cold fire.
"Why the monocle?" I said.
"Idiot! It is to cover my good eye so that neither there eye can see and my
intuition is free to work!”
"Oh," I said.
And he began his monologue. And as he talked I realized his need had been
pent up, capped, years, so he talked on and on, forgetting me.
And it was during this monologue that a strange thing occurred. I rose slowly to
my feet as Herr Doktor Von Seyfertitz circled, his long, slim cigar printing smoke
cumuli on the air, which read like white Rorschach blots.
With each implantation of his foot, a word ca out, and then another, in a sort of
plodding grammar. Sometimes he stopped and stood poised with one leg raised
and one word stopped in his mouth to be turned on his tongue and examined. Then
the shoe went down, the noun slid forth and the verb and object in good time.
Until at last, circling, I found myself in a chair stunned, for I saw:
Herr Doktor Von Seyfertitz stretched on his couch, his long spider fingers laced
on his chest.
"It has been no easy thing to come forth on land," he sibilated. "Some days I
was the jellyfish, frozen. Others, the shore-strewn octopi, at least with tentacles, or
the crayfish sucked back into my skull. But I have built my spine, year on year,
and now I walk among the land men and survive."
He paused to take a trembling breath, then continued:
"I moved in stages from the depths to a houseboat, to a wharf bungalow, to a
shore-tent and then
back to a canal in a city and at last to New York
an island surrounded by water, eh? But where,
where, in all this, I wondered, would a submarine commander find his place, his
work, his mad love and activity?
"It was one afternoon in a building with the world's longest elevator that it
struck me like a hand grenade in the ganglion. Going down, down, down, other
people crushed around me, and the numbers descending and the floors whizzing
by the glass windows, rushing by flicker-flash, flicker-flash, conscious,
subconscious, id, ego-id, life, death, lust, kill, lust, dark, light, plummeting, falling,
ninety, eighty, fifty, lower depths, high exhilaration, id, ego, id, until this shout
blazed from my raw throat in a great all-accepting, panic-manic shriek:
"'Dive! Dive!'
"I remember," I said.
'Dive!' I screamed so loudly that my fellow passengers, in shock, peed merrily.
Among stunned faces, I stepped out of the lift to find one-sixteenth of an inch of
pee on the floor. 'Have a nice day!' I said, jubilant with self-discovery, then ran to
self-employment, to hang a shingle and next my periscope, carried from the
mutilated, divested, castrated unterderseaboat all these years. Too stupid to see in
it my psychological future and my final downfall, my beautiful artifact, the brass
genitalia of psychotic research, the Von Seyfertitz Mark Nine Periscope!"
"That's quite a story," I said.
"Damn right," snorted the alienist, eyes shut.