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"Yes, a burden greater than that any other person has to bear. I'm well aware of it. I'm aware of it
constantly, and it's beginning to weary me. It may even be true, but that still doesn't mean that you're any
different than the rest of us. That you're any better."
"No," he said softly, still not looking at her, "I am worse."
"Oh, Ilya." This time when she leaned across to touch him, he sat motionless under her hands, neither
responding to her nor retreating from her. As he had with Vasil. "You must know that I don't think it's
wrong for you to love him. Only that I—" She hesitated. Their bed was a wild landscape of rumpled
blankets, stripes and patterns muted in the lantern light, of furs thrown into topographical relief,
mountains and valleys and long ridges and the far mound of her toes, of pillows, one shoved up against
the far wall, two flung together at the head of the bed, more scattered beyond Ilya, and of his clothing,
littering the carpet beyond. One boot listed against a stray pillow. His belt curled around the other boot,
snaring it.
He said nothing, but his silence was expectant, and courageous, too; how easily he might think it
would be natural for her to repudiate him, based on the morals of his culture, faced with what she now
knew of him.
"He's just so damned beautiful," she said at last, afraid to say it, "that I can't help but think that—that
anyone would love him more than ... me...." She faltered.
"Tess!" He spun back to her, upsetting her balance. She tumbled over and landed on her back, half
laughing, half shocked, in the middle of the bed. "You're jealous of him!"
"Why shouldn't I be?" she demanded, rolling up onto her side. He rested on his elbows a handbreadth
from her, staring astonished at her. "You've known him a long time, much longer than you've known me.
It's obvious you still love him. All that keeps you apart is that the jaran don't recognize, don't accept, that
kind of love."
"That is not all that keeps us apart, my heart," he replied gravely, but humor glinted in his eyes as
well. "I loved him with a boy's awkward, headlong passion. But you," his gaze had the intensity of fire
on a bitter cold night. "You I love like...." He shook his head, impatient with words. When he spoke
again, he spoke in his autocratic tone, one that brooked no disagreement. "You, I love." As if daring her
to take issue with the statement or the nakedly clear emotion that burned off of him.
Tess was wise enough simply to warm herself in the blaze, and vain enough to be gratified by it. She
had heard what she had hoped to hear, and she knew him well enough by now to know he spoke the
truth. Vasil was certainly more beautiful than she was, or could hope to be, but he was also the most self-
centered person she had ever met. And she suspected that Vasil's attraction to Ilya was likely not so
much to Ilya as a person, as Ilya, but to Ilya as the gods-touched child, to Bakhtiian, the man with fire in
his heart and a vision at the heart of his spirit.
"Still," she asked suddenly, "if it was possible, would that tempt you? A triad marriage?"
He rolled his eyes and sat up, sighing with exasperation. "All you women ever think about is lying
with men." He surveyed the remains of the bed with disgust and rose and set to work straightening out
the blankets and placing the pillows back in their appointed spots.
"But would it?"
His lips twitched. "I don't know," he said at last, flinging the last stray pillow at her, which she caught.
He picked up his boots and his belt and folded his clothes in exactly die same order and with the same
precise corners that he always folded them. She admired him from this angle, the clean lines of his body,
the length of thigh, his flat belly and what lay below, the curve of his shoulders, his lips, the dark
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