galactic night. When you are ten thousand miles long, your shell pocked with meteor craters and
frosted with comet ice, there is absolutely nothing you can realistically be like except yourself.
So Great A'Tuin swam slowly through the interstellar deeps like the largest turtle there has
ever been, carrying on its carapace the four huge elephants that bore on their backs the vast,
glittering waterfall-fringed circle of the Discworld, which exists either because of some
impossible blip on the curve of probability or because the gods enjoy a joke as much as anyone.
More than most people, in fact.
Near the shores of the Circle Sea, in the ancient, sprawling city of Ankh-Morpork, on a velvet
cushion on a ledge high up in the Unseen University, was a hat.
It was a good hat. It was a magnificent hat.
It was pointy, of course, with a wide floppy brim, but after disposing of these basic details the
designer had really got down to business. There was gold lace on there, and pearls, and bands of
purest vermine, and sparkling Ankhstones[1], and some incredibly tasteless sequins, and - a dead
giveaway, of course - a circle of octarines.
Since they weren't in a strong magical field at the moment they weren't glowing, and looked
like rather inferior diamonds.
Spring had come to Ankh-Morpork. It wasn't immediately apparent, but there were signs that
were obvious to the cognoscenti. For example, the scum on the river Ankh, that great wide slow
waterway that served the double city as reservoir, sewer and frequent morgue, had turned a
particularly iridescent green. The city's drunken rooftops sprouted mattresses and bolsters as the
winter bedding was put out to air in the weak sunshine, and in the depths of musty cellars the
beams twisted and groaned when their dry sap responded to the ancient call of root and forest.
Birds nested among the gutters and eaves of Unseen University, although it was noticeable that
however great the pressure on the nesting sites they never, ever, made nests in the invitingly open
mouths of the gargoyles that lined the rooftops, much to the gargoyles' disappointment.
A kind of spring had even come to the ancient University itself. Tonight would be the Eve of
Small Gods, and a new Archchancellor would be elected.
Well, not exactly elected, because wizards didn't have any truck with all this undignified
voting business, and it was well known that Archchancellors were selected by the will of the
gods, and this year it was a pretty good bet that the gods would see their way clear to selecting
old Virrid Wayzygoose, who was a decent old boy and had been patiently waiting his turn for
years.
The Archchancellor of Unseen University was the official leader of all the wizards on the
Disc. Once upon a time it had meant that he would be the most powerful in the handling of
magic, but times were a lot quieter now and, to be honest, senior wizards tended to look upon
actual magic as a bit beneath them. They tended to prefer administration, which was safer and
nearly as much fun, and also big dinners.
And so the long afternoon wore on. The hat squatted on its faded cushion in Wayzygoose's
chambers, while he sat in his tub in front of the fire and soaped his beard. Other wizards dozed in
their studies, or took a gentle stroll around the gardens in order to work up an appetite for the
evening's feast; about a dozen steps was usually considered quite sufficient.
In the Great Hall, under the carved or painted stares of two hundred earlier Archchancellors,
the butler's staff set out the long tables and benches. In the vaulted maze of the kitchens -well, the
imagination should need no assistance. It should include lots of grease and heat and shouting,
vats of caviar, whole roast oxen, strings of sausages like paperchains strung from wall to wall, the
head chef himself at work in one of the cold rooms putting the finishing touches to a model of the
University carved for some inexplicable reason out of butter. He kept doing this every time there