the forces that dwell there.
Like my father, my father’s father failed to return from his god-quest in the
realms above.
As for me, I never gave the Pilgrimage a thought when I was young. I looked
upon
the Pilgrimage then as some thing that concerned older folk, people in the
second half of their second ten of years. It was always certain to me that
when
my time came I would be a candidate for the Pilgrimage, that I would be
chosen,
that I would undertake it successfully. Taking the Pilgrimage for granted in
that way allowed me not to think about it at all. That way I was able to make
it
unreal.
I suppose I could pretend to you that I was a child of destiny, marked from my
earliest years for supreme achievement, and that holy lightnings crackled
about
my brow and people made sacred signs when they passed me in the street. But in
fact I was an ordinary sort of boy, except for my crooked leg. No lightnings
crackled about me. No gleam of sanctity blazed on my face. Something like that
came later, yes, much later, after I had had my star-dream; but when I was
young
I was no one unusual, a boy among boys. When I was growing up I wasn’t at all
the sort to go about thinking heavy thoughts about the Pilgrimage, or the Wall
and its Kingdoms, or the gods who lived at its Summit, or any other such
profundities. Traiben, my dearest friend, was the one who was haunted by high
questions of ultimate destinies and utmost purposes, of ends and means, of
essences and appearances, not I. It was Traiben, Traiben the Wise, Traiben the
Thinker, who thought deeply about such things and eventually led me to think
about them too.
But until that time came, the only things that mattered to me were the usual
things of boyhood, hunting and swimming and running and fighting and laughing
and girls. I was good at all those things except running, because of my
crooked
leg, which no shapechanging has ever been able to heal. But I was strong and
healthy otherwise, and I never permitted the leg to interfere with my life in
any way whatever. I have always lived as though both my legs were as straight
and swift as yours. When you have a flaw of the body such as I have, there is
no
other course, not without giving way to feelings of sorrow for yourself, and
such feelings poison the soul. So if there was a race, I ran in it. If my
playmates went clambering across the rooftops, I clambered right along with
them. Whenever someone mocked me for my limp — and there were plenty who did,
shouting “Crookleg! Crookleg!” at me as though it were a fine joke — I would
beat him until his face was bloody, no matter how big or strong he might be.
In
time, to show my defiance of their foolish scorn, I came to take Crookleg as
my
surname, like a badge of honor worn with pride.
If this world were a well-ordered place, it would have been Traiben who had
had
the crooked leg and not me.
Perhaps I ought not to say so cruel a thing about one whom I claim to love.
But
what I mean is that in this world there are thinkers and doers; doers must
have
agility and strength of body, and thinkers need agility and strength of mind.