Andy Duncan - Senator Bilbo

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Senator Bilbo

Andy Duncan

==========

Andy Duncan (www.angelfire.com/al/andyduncan/) is an ex-journalist—for seven years a reporter

and editor at the News & Record in Greensboro, N.C.—now college teacher who began

publishing fiction in the late 1990s. In 1998 his story “Beluthahatchie” was a Hugo Award

finalist, and he was a finalist for the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer. His short

fiction made an immediate impression, and in 2001 he won two World Fantasy Awards, one for a

story and one for his first book, Beluthahatchie and Other Stories (2000). Duncan is a Southern

writer; his settings have thus far characteristically been the American South, and his stories are

revelations of character, often with a strongly ironic subtext. Nothing much happens in a Duncan

story, but things change.

The year 2001 will be remembered for many things, but among them will be the December grand

opening of the film The Fellowship of the Ring, and the whole year of its build-up, which made

bestsellers of J.R.R. Tolkien’s books all over again. “Senator Bilbo” is overtly satirical, combining

all of Duncan’s strengths with one outrageous big idea: What if Senator Bilbo, the well-known old

Southern racist politician, was a descendent of Bilbo Baggins, and lived in the Shire, in the Middle

Earth, generations later?

==========

“It regrettably has become necessary for us now, my friends, to consider seriously and to discuss

openly the most pressing question facing our homeland since the War. By that I mean, of course, the race

question.”

In the hour before dawn, the galleries were empty, and the floor of the Shire-moot was nearly so.

Scattered about the chamber, a dozen or so of the Senator’s allies—a few more than were needed to

maintain the quorum, just to be safe—lounged at their writing-desks, feet up, fingers laced, pipes stuffed

with the best Bywater leaf, picnic baskets within reach: veterans all. Only young Appledore from Bridge

Inn was snoring and slowly folding in on himself; the chestnut curls atop his head nearly met those atop

his feet. The Senator jotted down Appledore’s name without pause. He could get a lot of work done

while making speeches—even a filibuster nine hours long (and counting).

“There are forces at work today, my friends, without and within our homeland, that are attempting to

destroy all boundaries between our proud, noble race and all the mule-gnawing, cave-squatting,

light-shunning, pit-spawned scum of the East.”

The Senator’s voice cracked on “East,” so he turned aside for a quaff from his (purely medicinal) pocket

flask. His allies did not miss their cue. “Hear, hear,” they rumbled, thumping the desktops with their

calloused heels. “Hear, hear.”

“This latest proposal,” the Senator continued, “this so-called immigration bill—which, as I have said,

would force even our innocent daughters to suffer the reeking lusts of all the ditch-bred legions of

darkness—why, this baldfooted attempt originated where, my friends?”

“Buckland!” came the dutiful cry.

“Why, with the delegation from Buckland… long known to us all as a hotbed of book-mongers,

one-Earthers, elvish sympathizers, and other off-brands of the halfling race.”

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Andy Duncan - Senator Bilbo

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