C M Kornbluth - The Silly Season

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2024-11-24 0 0 63.04KB 11 页 5.9玖币

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The Silly Season

C. M. Kornbluth

The Silly Season

IT WAS a hot summer afternoon in theOmahabureau of the World Wireless Press Service, and the

control bureau inNew Yorkkept nagging me for copy. But since it was a hot summer afternoon, there

was no copy. A wrapup of local baseball had cleared about an hour ago, and that was that. Nothing but

baseball happens in the summer. During the dog days, politicians are in theMainewoods fishing and

boozing, burglars are too tired to burgle, and wives think it over and decide not to decapitate their

husbands.

I pawed through some press releases. One sloppy stencil-duplicated sheet began: "Did you know that

the lemonade way to summer comfort and health has been endorsed by leading physiotherapists from

MainetoCalifornia? The Federated Lemon-Growers Association revealed today that a survey of 2,500

physiotherapists in 57 cities of more than 25,000 population disclosed that 87 per cent of them drink

lemonade at least once a day between June and September, and that another 72 per cent not only drink

the cooling and healthful beverage but actually prescribe it-"

Another note tapped out on the news circuit printer fromNew York: "960M-HW KICKER? ND

SNST-NY"

That wasNew Yorksaying they needed a bright and sparkling little news item immediately-"soonest." I

went to the eastbound printer and punched out: "96NY-UPCMNG FU MINS-OM"

The lemonade handout was hopeless; I dug into the stack again. TheStateUniversitysummer course was

inviting the governor to attend its summer conference on aims and approaches hi adult secondary

education. TheAgriculturalCollegewanted me to warn farmers that white-skinned hogs should be kept

from the direct rays of the summer sun. The manager of a fifth-rate local pug sent a writeup of his boy

and a couple of working press passes to his next bout in theOmahaArena. The Schwartz and White

Bandage Company contributed a glossy eight-by-ten of a blonde in a bathing suit improvised from two S.

& W. Redi-Dressings.

Accompanying text: "Pert starlet Miff McCoy is ready for any seaside emergency. That's not onjy a

darling swim suit she has on- it's two standard all-purpose Redi-Dressing bandages made by the

Schwartz and White Bandage Company ofOmaha. If a broken rib results from too-strenuous beach

athletics, Miff's dress can supply the dressing." Yeah. The rest of the stack wasn't even that good. I

dumped them all in the circular file, and began to wrack my brains in spite of the heat.

I'd have to fake one, I decided. Unfortunately, there had been no big running silly season story so far this

summer-no flying saucers, or monsters in the Florida Everglades, or chloroform bandits terrifying the city.

If there had, I could have hopped on and faked a "with." As it was, I'd have to fake a "lead," which is

harder and riskier.

The flying saucers? I couldn't revive them; they'd been forgotten for years, except by newsmen. The

giant turtle ofLake Huronhad been quiet for years, too. If I started a chloroform bandit scare, every old

maid in the state would back me up by swearing she heard the bandit trying to break in and smelled

chloroform-but the cops wouldn't like it. Strange messages from space received at theStateUniversity's

radar lab? That might do it. I put a sheet of copy paper hi the typewriter and sat, glaring at it and hating

the silly season.

There was a slight reprieve-theWestern Uniontie-line printer by the desk dinged at me and its

sickly-yellow bulb lit up. I tapped out:

"ww GA PLS," and the machine began to eject yellow, gummed tape which told me this:

"WU CO62-DPR COLLECT-FT HICKS ARK AUG 22 105P- WORLDWIRELESS

OMAHA-TOWN MARSHAL PINKNEY CRAWLES DIED MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES

FISHTRIPPING OZARK HAMLET RUSH CITY TODAY. RUSHERS PHONED HICKSERS

'BURNED DEATH SHINING DOMES APPEARED YESTERWEEK.' JEEPING BODY

HICKSWARD. QUERIED RUSH CONSTABLE P.C. ALLENBY LEARNING 'SEVEN GLASSY

DOMES EACHHOUSESIZECLEARINGMILESOUTHTOWN. RUSHERS UNTOUCHED,

UNAPPROACHED. CRAWLES WARNED BUT TOUCHED AND DIED BURNS.' NOTE

DESK-RUSH FONECALL 1.85. SHALL I UPFOLLOW?-BENSON- FISHTRIPPING RUSHERS

HICKSERS YESTERWEEK JEEPING HICKSWARD HOUSESIZE 1.85 428P CLR. . ."

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