
my tiny red star! So bright! So small! So perfect! So
fierce! I knew you-Oh yes I knew you in that first
instant, my dawnberry, my scarlet minikin. Red! A
tiny baby red one, smaller than my smallest eye. And
so brave! -
The Old One said it. Red is the color of love.
I see you swat at a hopper twice your size, my eyes bulge as you leap
after it and go rolling, shrilling Lililee! Lilileee-ee! in baby wrath. Oh my
mighty hunter, you don't know someone is looking right into your tender little
love-fur! Oh yes! Palest pink it is, just brushed with rose. My jaws spurt,
the world flashes and reels.
And then Frim, poor fool, feels me behind him and rears up.
But what a Frim! His throat-sacs are ballooning purple-black, his plates
are engorged like the Mother of the storm-clouds! Glittering, rattling his
spurs! His tail booms! "It's mine!" he bellows-I can hardly understand him. He
jumps straight at me!
"Stop, Frim, stop!" I cry, dodging away bewildered. It's warm how can
Frim be wild, kill-wild?
"Brother Frim!" I call gently, soothingly. But something is badly wrong!
My voice is bellowing too! Yes, in the warm and I want only to calm him, I am
full of love-but the kill-roar is rushing through me, I too am swelling,
rattling, booming! Invincible! To crush-to rend
Oh, I am shamed.
I came to myself in the wreckage of Frim, Frimpieces everywhere, myself
is sodden with Frim. But I did not eat him! I did not! Should I take joy in
that? Did I defy the Plan? But my throat was closed. Not because it was Frim
but because of darling you. You! Where are you? The glade is empty! Oh fearful
fear, I have frightened you, you are run away! I forget Frim. I forget
everything but you my heartmeat, my precious tiny red.
I smash trees, I uproot rocks, I tear the ravine open! Oh, where are you
hiding? Suddenly I have a new fear: Has my wild search harmed you? I force
myself calm. I begin questing, circling, ever wider over the trees, moving
cloud-silent, thrusting my eyes and ears down into every glade. A new humming
fills my throat. Oooo, Oo-oo, Rum-a-looly-loo, I moan. Hunting, hunting for
you. Once I glimpse a black bigness far away and I am suddenly up at my full
height, roaring. Attack the black! Was it another brother? I would slay him,
but -the stranger is already vanishing. I roar again. Noit roars me, the new
power of black. Yet deep inside, Myself-Moggadeet is watching, fearing. Attack
the black-even in the warm? Is there no safety, are we
truly like the fatclimbers? But at the same time it feels-oh, right! Oh, good!
Sweet is the Plan. I give myself up to seeking you, my new song longing Ooloo
and Looly rum-a-loo-oo-loo.
And you answered! You!.
So tiny you, hidden under a leaf! Shrilling Li! Li Lililee! Trilling,
thrilling-half-mocking, already imperious. Oh, how I whirl, crash, try to look
under all my feet, stop frozen in horror of squashing the Lilild Lee! Rocking,
longing, moaning Moggadeet.
And you came out, you did.
My adorable firemite, threatening ME!
When I see your littlest hunting claws upraised my whole gut melts, it
floods me. I am all tender jelly. Tender! Oh, tender-fierce like a Mother, I
think! Isn't that how a Mother feels? My jaws are sluicing juice that isn't
hunger-juice-I am choking, with fear of frighting you or bruising your
tininess-I ache to grip and knead you, to eat you in one gulp, in a thousand
nibbles
Oh the power of red-the Old One said it! Now I feel my special hands, my
tender hands I always carry hidden-now they come swelling out, come pushing
toward my head! What? What?