agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)

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AGNES GREY

By Anne Bronte

AGNES GREY

CHAPTER I - THE PARSONAGE

ALL true histories contain instruction; though, in some, the treasure

may be hard to find, and when found, so trivial in quantity, that the dry,

shrivelled kernel scarcely compensates for the trouble of cracking the nut.

Whether this be the case with my history or not, I am hardly competent to

judge. I sometimes think it might prove useful to some, and entertaining

to others; but the world may judge for itself. Shielded by my own

obscurity, and by the lapse of years, and a few fictitious names, I do not

fear to venture; and will candidly lay before the public what I would not

disclose to the most intimate friend.

My father was a clergyman of the north of England, who was

deservedly respected by all who knew him; and, in his younger days, lived

pretty comfortably on the joint income of a small incumbency and a snug

little property of his own. My mother, who married him against the

wishes of her friends, was a squire's daughter, and a woman of spirit. In

vain it was represented to her, that if she became the poor parson's wife,

she must relinquish her carriage and her lady's-maid, and all the luxuries

and elegancies of affluence; which to her were little less than the

necessaries of life. A carriage and a lady's-maid were great conveniences;

but, thank heaven, she had feet to carry her, and hands to minister to her

own necessities. An elegant house and spacious grounds were not to be

despised; but she would rather live in a cottage with Richard Grey than in

a palace with any other man in the world.

Finding arguments of no avail, her father, at length, told the lovers

they might marry if they pleased; but, in so doing, his daughter would

forfeit every fraction of her fortune. He expected this would cool the

ardour of both; but he was mistaken. My father knew too well my

mother's superior worth not to be sensible that she was a valuable fortune

in herself: and if she would but consent to embellish his humble hearth

he should be happy to take her on any terms; while she, on her part, would

rather labour with her own hands than be divided from the man she loved,

AGNES GREY

whose happiness it would be her joy to make, and who was already one

with her in heart and soul. So her fortune went to swell the purse of a

wiser sister, who had married a rich nabob; and she, to the wonder and

compassionate regret of all who knew her, went to bury herself in the

homely village parsonage among the hills of -. And yet, in spite of all

this, and in spite of my mother's high spirit and my father's whims, I

believe you might search all England through, and fail to find a happier

couple.

Of six children, my sister Mary and myself were the only two that

survived the perils of infancy and early childhood. I, being the younger

by five or six years, was always regarded as THE child, and the pet of the

family: father, mother, and sister, all combined to spoil me - not by

foolish indulgence, to render me fractious and ungovernable, but by

ceaseless kindness, to make me too helpless and dependent - too unfit for

buffeting with the cares and turmoils of life.

Mary and I were brought up in the strictest seclusion. My mother,

being at once highly accomplished, well informed, and fond of

employment, took the whole charge of our education on herself, with the

exception of Latin - which my father undertook to teach us - so that we

never even went to school; and, as there was no society in the

neighbourhood, our only intercourse with the world consisted in a stately

tea-party, now and then, with the principal farmers and tradespeople of the

vicinity (just to avoid being stigmatized as too proud to consort with our

neighbours), and an annual visit to our paternal grandfather's; where

himself, our kind grandmamma, a maiden aunt, and two or three elderly

ladies and gentlemen, were the only persons we ever saw. Sometimes

our mother would amuse us with stories and anecdotes of her younger

days, which, while they entertained us amazingly, frequently awoke - in

ME, at least - a secret wish to see a little more of the world.

I thought she must have been very happy: but she never seemed to

regret past times. My father, however, whose temper was neither tranquil

nor cheerful by nature, often unduly vexed himself with thinking of the

sacrifices his dear wife had made for him; and troubled his head with

revolving endless schemes for the augmentation of his little fortune, for

AGNES GREY

her sake and ours. In vain my mother assured him she was quite satisfied;

and if he would but lay by a little for the children, we should all have

plenty, both for time present and to come: but saving was not my father's

forte. He would not run in debt (at least, my mother took good care he

should not), but while he had money he must spend it: he liked to see his

house comfortable, and his wife and daughters well clothed, and well

attended; and besides, he was charitably disposed, and liked to give to the

poor, according to his means: or, as some might think, beyond them.

At length, however, a kind friend suggested to him a means of

doubling his private property at one stroke; and further increasing it,

hereafter, to an untold amount. This friend was a merchant, a man of

enterprising spirit and undoubted talent, who was somewhat straitened in

his mercantile pursuits for want of capital; but generously proposed to

give my father a fair share of his profits, if he would only entrust him with

what he could spare; and he thought he might safely promise that whatever

sum the latter chose to put into his hands, it should bring him in cent. per

cent. The small patrimony was speedily sold, and the whole of its price

was deposited in the hands of the friendly merchant; who as promptly

proceeded to ship his cargo, and prepare for his voyage.

My father was delighted, so were we all, with our brightening

prospects. For the present, it is true, we were reduced to the narrow

income of the curacy; but my father seemed to think there was no

necessity for scrupulously restricting our expenditure to that; so, with a

standing bill at Mr. Jackson's, another at Smith's, and a third at Hobson's,

we got along even more comfortably than before: though my mother

affirmed we had better keep within bounds, for our prospects of wealth

were but precarious, after all; and if my father would only trust everything

to her management, he should never feel himself stinted: but he, for once,

was incorrigible.

What happy hours Mary and I have passed while sitting at our work by

the fire, or wandering on the heath-clad hills, or idling under the weeping

birch (the only considerable tree in the garden), talking of future happiness

to ourselves and our parents, of what we would do, and see, and possess;

with no firmer foundation for our goodly superstructure than the riches

AGNES GREY

that were expected to flow in upon us from the success of the worthy

merchant's speculations. Our father was nearly as bad as ourselves; only

that he affected not to be so much in earnest: expressing his bright hopes

and sanguine expectations in jests and playful sallies, that always struck

me as being exceedingly witty and pleasant. Our mother laughed with

delight to see him so hopeful and happy: but still she feared he was

setting his heart too much upon the matter; and once I heard her whisper

as she left the room, 'God grant he be not disappointed! I know not how

he would bear it.'

Disappointed he was; and bitterly, too. It came like a thunder- clap

on us all, that the vessel which contained our fortune had been wrecked,

and gone to the bottom with all its stores, together with several of the crew,

and the unfortunate merchant himself. I was grieved for him; I was

grieved for the overthrow of all our air-built castles: but, with the

elasticity of youth, I soon recovered the shook.

Though riches had charms, poverty had no terrors for an inexperienced

girl like me. Indeed, to say the truth, there was something exhilarating in

the idea of being driven to straits, and thrown upon our own resources. I

only wished papa, mamma, and Mary were all of the same mind as myself;

and then, instead of lamenting past calamities we might all cheerfully set

to work to remedy them; and the greater the difficulties, the harder our

present privations, the greater should be our cheerfulness to endure the

latter, and our vigour to contend against the former.

Mary did not lament, but she brooded continually over the misfortune,

and sank into a state of dejection from which no effort of mine could rouse

her. I could not possibly bring her to regard the matter on its bright side

as I did: and indeed I was so fearful of being charged with childish

frivolity, or stupid insensibility, that I carefully kept most of my bright

ideas and cheering notions to myself; well knowing they could not be

appreciated.

My mother thought only of consoling my father, and paying our debts

and retrenching our expenditure by every available means; but my father

was completely overwhelmed by the calamity: health, strength, and

spirits sank beneath the blow, and he never wholly recovered them. In

AGNES GREY

vain my mother strove to cheer him, by appealing to his piety, to his

courage, to his affection for herself and us. That very affection was his

greatest torment: it was for our sakes he had so ardently longed to

increase his fortune - it was our interest that had lent such brightness to his

hopes, and that imparted such bitterness to his present distress. He now

tormented himself with remorse at having neglected my mother's advice;

which would at least have saved him from the additional burden of debt -

he vainly reproached himself for having brought her from the dignity, the

ease, the luxury of her former station to toil with him through the cares

and toils of poverty. It was gall and wormwood to his soul to see that

splendid, highly-accomplished woman, once so courted and admired,

transformed into an active managing housewife, with hands and head

continually occupied with household labours and household economy.

The very willingness with which she performed these duties, the

cheerfulness with which she bore her reverses, and the kindness which

withheld her from imputing the smallest blame to him, were all perverted

by this ingenious self-tormentor into further aggravations of his sufferings.

And thus the mind preyed upon the body, and disordered the system of the

nerves, and they in turn increased the troubles of the mind, till by action

and reaction his health was seriously impaired; and not one of us could

convince him that the aspect of our affairs was not half so gloomy, so

utterly hopeless, as his morbid imagination represented it to be.

The useful pony phaeton was sold, together with the stout, well-fed

pony - the old favourite that we had fully determined should end its days

in peace, and never pass from our hands; the little coach- house and stable

were let; the servant boy, and the more efficient (being the more expensive)

of the two maid-servants, were dismissed. Our clothes were mended,

turned, and darned to the utmost verge of decency; our food, always plain,

was now simplified to an unprecedented degree - except my father's

favourite dishes; our coals and candles were painfully economized - the

pair of candles reduced to one, and that most sparingly used; the coals

carefully husbanded in the half-empty grate: especially when my father

was out on his parish duties, or confined to bed through illness - then we

sat with our feet on the fender, scraping the perishing embers together

AGNES GREY

from time to time, and occasionally adding a slight scattering of the dust

and fragments of coal, just to keep them alive. As for our carpets, they in

time were worn threadbare, and patched and darned even to a greater

extent than our garments. To save the expense of a gardener, Mary and I

undertook to keep the garden in order; and all the cooking and household

work that could not easily be managed by one servant- girl, was done by

my mother and sister, with a little occasional help from me: only a little,

because, though a woman in my own estimation, I was still a child in

theirs; and my mother, like most active, managing women, was not gifted

with very active daughters: for this reason - that being so clever and

diligent herself, she was never tempted to trust her affairs to a deputy, but,

on the contrary, was willing to act and think for others as well as for

number one; and whatever was the business in hand, she was apt to think

that no one could do it so well as herself: so that whenever I offered to

assist her, I received such an answer as - 'No, love, you cannot indeed -

there's nothing here you can do. Go and help your sister, or get her to

take a walk with you - tell her she must not sit so much, and stay so

constantly in the house as she does - she may well look thin and dejected.'

'Mary, mamma says I'm to help you; or get you to take a walk with me;

she says you may well look thin and dejected, if you sit so constantly in

the house.'

'Help me you cannot, Agnes; and I cannot go out with YOU - I have

far too much to do.'

'Then let me help you.'

'You cannot, indeed, dear child. Go and practise your music, or play

with the kitten.'

There was always plenty of sewing on hand; but I had not been taught

to cut out a single garment, and except plain hemming and seaming, there

was little I could do, even in that line; for they both asserted that it was far

easier to do the work themselves than to prepare it for me: and besides,

they liked better to see me prosecuting my studies, or amusing myself - it

was time enough for me to sit bending over my work, like a grave matron,

when my favourite little pussy was become a steady old cat. Under such

circumstances, although I was not many degrees more useful than the

AGNES GREY

kitten, my idleness was not entirely without excuse.

Through all our troubles, I never but once heard my mother complain

of our want of money. As summer was coming on she observed to Mary

and me, 'What a desirable thing it would be for your papa to spend a few

weeks at a watering-place. I am convinced the sea-air and the change of

scene would be of incalculable service to him. But then, you see, there's

no money,' she added, with a sigh. We both wished exceedingly that the

thing might be done, and lamented greatly that it could not. 'Well, well!'

said she, 'it's no use complaining. Possibly something might be done to

further the project after all. Mary, you are a beautiful drawer. What do

you say to doing a few more pictures in your best style, and getting them

framed, with the water-coloured drawings you have already done, and

trying to dispose of them to some liberal picture-dealer, who has the sense

to discern their merits?'

'Mamma, I should be delighted if you think they COULD be sold; and

for anything worth while.'

'It's worth while trying, however, my dear: do you procure the

drawings, and I'll endeavour to find a purchaser.'

'I wish I could do something,' said I.

'You, Agnes! well, who knows? You draw pretty well, too: if you

choose some simple piece for your subject, I daresay you will be able to

produce something we shall all be proud to exhibit.'

'But I have another scheme in my head, mamma, and have had long,

only I did not like to mention it.'

'Indeed! pray tell us what it is.'

'I should like to be a governess.'

My mother uttered an exclamation of surprise, and laughed. My

sister dropped her work in astonishment, exclaiming, 'YOU a governess,

Agnes! What can you be dreaming of?'

'Well! I don't see anything so VERY extraordinary in it. I do not

pretend to be able to instruct great girls; but surely I could teach little ones:

and I should like it so much: I am so fond of children. Do let me,

mamma!'

'But, my love, you have not learned to take care of YOURSELF yet:

AGNES GREY

and young children require more judgment and experience to manage than

elder ones.'

'But, mamma, I am above eighteen, and quite able to take care of

myself, and others too. You do not know half the wisdom and prudence I

possess, because I have never been tried.'

'Only think,' said Mary, 'what would you do in a house full of strangers,

without me or mamma to speak and act for you - with a parcel of children,

besides yourself, to attend to; and no one to look to for advice? You

would not even know what clothes to put on.'

'You think, because I always do as you bid me, I have no judgment of

my own: but only try me - that is all I ask - and you shall see what I can

do.'

At that moment my father entered and the subject of our discussion

was explained to him.

'What, my little Agnes a governess!' cried he, and, in spite of his

dejection, he laughed at the idea.

'Yes, papa, don't YOU say anything against it: I should like it so

much; and I am sure I could manage delightfully.'

'But, my darling, we could not spare you.' And a tear glistened in his

eye as he added - 'No, no! afflicted as we are, surely we are not brought to

that pass yet.'

'Oh, no!' said my mother. 'There is no necessity whatever for such a

step; it is merely a whim of her own. So you must hold your tongue, you

naughty girl; for, though you are so ready to leave us, you know very well

we cannot part with YOU.'

I was silenced for that day, and for many succeeding ones; but still I

did not wholly relinquish my darling scheme. Mary got her drawing

materials, and steadily set to work. I got mine too; but while I drew, I

thought of other things. How delightful it would be to be a governess!

To go out into the world; to enter upon a new life; to act for myself; to

exercise my unused faculties; to try my unknown powers; to earn my own

maintenance, and something to comfort and help my father, mother, and

sister, besides exonerating them from the provision of my food and

clothing; to show papa what his little Agnes could do; to convince mamma

AGNES GREY

and Mary that I was not quite the helpless, thoughtless being they

supposed. And then, how charming to be entrusted with the care and

education of children! Whatever others said, I felt I was fully competent

to the task: the clear remembrance of my own thoughts in early

childhood would be a surer guide than the instructions of the most mature

adviser. I had but to turn from my little pupils to myself at their age, and

I should know, at once, how to win their confidence and affections: how

to waken the contrition of the erring; how to embolden the timid and

console the afflicted; how to make Virtue practicable, Instruction desirable,

and Religion lovely and comprehensible.

- Delightful task! To teach the young idea how to shoot!

To train the tender plants, and watch their buds unfolding day by day!

Influenced by so many inducements, I determined still to persevere;

though the fear of displeasing my mother, or distressing my father's

feelings, prevented me from resuming the subject for several days. At

length, again, I mentioned it to my mother in private; and, with some

difficulty, got her to promise to assist me with her endeavours. My

father's reluctant consent was next obtained, and then, though Mary still

sighed her disapproval, my dear, kind mother began to look out for a

situation for me. She wrote to my father's relations, and consulted the

newspaper advertisements - her own relations she had long dropped all

communication with: a formal interchange of occasional letters was all

she had ever had since her marriage, and she would not at any time have

applied to them in a case of this nature. But so long and so entire had

been my parents' seclusion from the world, that many weeks elapsed

before a suitable situation could be procured. At last, to my great joy, it

was decreed that I should take charge of the young family of a certain Mrs.

Bloomfield; whom my kind, prim aunt Grey had known in her youth, and

asserted to be a very nice woman. Her husband was a retired tradesman,

who had realized a very comfortable fortune; but could not be prevailed

upon to give a greater salary than twenty-five pounds to the instructress of

his children. I, however, was glad to accept this, rather than refuse the

situation - which my parents were inclined to think the better plan.

But some weeks more were yet to be devoted to preparation. How

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AGNESGREY1AGNESGREYByAnneBronteAGNESGREY2CHAPTERI-THEPARSONAGEALLtruehistoriescontaininstruction;though,insome,thetreasuremaybehardtofind,andwhenfound,sotrivialinquantity,thatthedry,shrivelledkernelscarcelycompensatesforthetroubleofcrackingthenut.Whetherthisbethecasewithmyhistoryornot,Iamhardlycompe...

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