Sketches of Young Couples(年轻夫妇素描)

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Sketches of Young Couples

Sketches of Young

Couples

Charles Dickens.

Sketches of Young Couples

AN URGENT REMONSTRANCE, &c

TO THE GENTLEMEN OF ENGLAND,

(BEING BACHELORS OR WIDOWERS,)

THE REMONSTRANCE OF THEIR FAITHFUL FELLOW-

SUBJECT,

SHEWETH,-

THAT Her Most Gracious Majesty, Victoria, by the Grace of God of

the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the

Faith, did, on the 23rd day of November last past, declare and pronounce

to Her Most Honourable Privy Council, Her Majesty's Most Gracious

intention of entering into the bonds of wedlock.

THAT Her Most Gracious Majesty, in so making known Her Most

Gracious intention to Her Most Honourable Privy Council as aforesaid,

did use and employ the words - 'It is my intention to ally myself in

marriage with Prince Albert of Saxe Coburg and Gotha.'

THAT the present is Bissextile, or Leap Year, in which it is held and

considered lawful for any lady to offer and submit proposals of marriage

to any gentleman, and to enforce and insist upon acceptance of the same,

under pain of a certain fine or penalty; to wit, one silk or satin dress of the

first quality, to be chosen by the lady and paid (or owed) for, by the

gentleman.

THAT these and other the horrors and dangers with which the said

Bissextile, or Leap Year, threatens the gentlemen of England on every

occasion of its periodical return, have been greatly aggravated and

augmented by the terms of Her Majesty's said Most Gracious

communication, which have filled the heads of divers young ladies in this

Realm with certain new ideas destructive to the peace of mankind, that

never entered their imagination before.

THAT a case has occurred in Camberwell, in which a young lady

informed her Papa that 'she intended to ally herself in marriage' with Mr.

Smith of Stepney; and that another, and a very distressing case, has

occurred at Tottenham, in which a young lady not only stated her intention

of allying herself in marriage with her cousin John, but, taking violent

possession of her said cousin, actually married him.

Sketches of Young Couples

THAT similar outrages are of constant occurrence, not only in the

capital and its neighbourhood, but throughout the kingdom, and that unless

the excited female populace be speedily checked and restrained in their

lawless proceedings, most deplorable results must ensue therefrom; among

which may be anticipated a most alarming increase in the population of

the country, with which no efforts of the agricultural or manufacturing

interest can possibly keep pace.

THAT there is strong reason to suspect the existence of a most

extensive plot, conspiracy, or design, secretly contrived by vast numbers

of single ladies in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, and

now extending its ramifications in every quarter of the land; the object and

intent of which plainly appears to be the holding and solemnising of an

enormous and unprecedented number of marriages, on the day on which

the nuptials of Her said Most Gracious Majesty are performed.

THAT such plot, conspiracy, or design, strongly savours of Popery, as

tending to the discomfiture of the Clergy of the Established Church, by

entailing upon them great mental and physical exhaustion; and that such

Popish plots are fomented and encouraged by Her Majesty's Ministers,

which clearly appears - not only from Her Majesty's principal Secretary of

State for Foreign Affairs traitorously getting married while holding office

under the Crown; but from Mr. O'Connell having been heard to declare

and avow that, if he had a daughter to marry, she should be married on the

same day as Her said Most Gracious Majesty.

THAT such arch plots, conspiracies, and designs, besides being fraught

with danger to the Established Church, and (consequently) to the State,

cannot fail to bring ruin and bankruptcy upon a large class of Her

Majesty's subjects; as a great and sudden increase in the number of

married men occasioning the comparative desertion (for a time) of Taverns,

Hotels, Billiard-rooms, and Gaming-Houses, will deprive the Proprietors

of their accustomed profits and returns. And in further proof of the depth

and baseness of such designs, it may be here observed, that all proprietors

of Taverns, Hotels, Billiard-rooms, and Gaming-Houses, are (especially

the last) solemnly devoted to the Protestant religion.

FOR all these reasons, and many others of no less gravity and import,

Sketches of Young Couples

an urgent appeal is made to the gentlemen of England (being bachelors or

widowers) to take immediate steps for convening a Public meeting; To

consider of the best and surest means of averting the dangers with which

they are threatened by the recurrence of Bissextile, or Leap Year, and the

additional sensation created among single ladies by the terms of Her

Majesty's Most Gracious Declaration; To take measures, without delay, for

resisting the said single Ladies, and counteracting their evil designs; And

to pray Her Majesty to dismiss her present Ministers, and to summon to

her Councils those distinguished Gentlemen in various Honourable

Professions who, by insulting on all occasions the only Lady in England

who can be insulted with safety, have given a sufficient guarantee to Her

Majesty's Loving Subjects that they, at least, are qualified to make war

with women, and are already expert in the use of those weapons which are

common to the lowest and most abandoned of the sex.

Sketches of Young Couples

THE YOUNG COUPLE

There is to be a wedding this morning at the corner house in the

terrace. The pastry-cook's people have been there half-a-dozen times

already; all day yesterday there was a great stir and bustle, and they were

up this morning as soon as it was light. Miss Emma Fielding is going to be

married to young Mr. Harvey.

Heaven alone can tell in what bright colours this marriage is painted

upon the mind of the little housemaid at number six, who has hardly slept

a wink all night with thinking of it, and now stands on the unswept door-

steps leaning upon her broom, and looking wistfully towards the

enchanted house. Nothing short of omniscience can divine what visions of

the baker, or the green- grocer, or the smart and most insinuating

butterman, are flitting across her mind - what thoughts of how she would

dress on such an occasion, if she were a lady - of how she would dress, if

she were only a bride - of how cook would dress, being bridesmaid,

conjointly with her sister 'in place' at Fulham, and how the clergyman,

deeming them so many ladies, would be quite humbled and respectful.

What day-dreams of hope and happiness - of life being one perpetual

holiday, with no master and no mistress to grant or withhold it - of every

Sunday being a Sunday out - of pure freedom as to curls and ringlets, and

no obligation to hide fine heads of hair in caps - what pictures of

happiness, vast and immense to her, but utterly ridiculous to us, bewilder

the brain of the little housemaid at number six, all called into existence by

the wedding at the corner!

We smile at such things, and so we should, though perhaps for a better

reason than commonly presents itself. It should be pleasant to us to know

that there are notions of happiness so moderate and limited, since upon

those who entertain them, happiness and lightness of heart are very easily

bestowed.

But the little housemaid is awakened from her reverie, for forth from

the door of the magical corner house there runs towards her, all fluttering

in smart new dress and streaming ribands, her friend Jane Adams, who

Sketches of Young Couples

comes all out of breath to redeem a solemn promise of taking her in, under

cover of the confusion, to see the breakfast table spread forth in state, and

- sight of sights! - her young mistress ready dressed for church.

And there, in good truth, when they have stolen up-stairs on tip- toe

and edged themselves in at the chamber-door - there is Miss Emma

'looking like the sweetest picter,' in a white chip bonnet and orange

flowers, and all other elegancies becoming a bride, (with the make, shape,

and quality of every article of which the girl is perfectly familiar in one

moment, and never forgets to her dying day) - and there is Miss Emma's

mamma in tears, and Miss Emma's papa comforting her, and saying how

that of course she has been long looking forward to this, and how happy

she ought to be - and there too is Miss Emma's sister with her arms round

her neck, and the other bridesmaid all smiles and tears, quieting the

children, who would cry more but that they are so finely dressed, and yet

sob for fear sister Emma should be taken away - and it is all so affecting,

that the two servant-girls cry more than anybody; and Jane Adams, sitting

down upon the stairs, when they have crept away, declares that her legs

tremble so that she don't know what to do, and that she will say for Miss

Emma, that she never had a hasty word from her, and that she does hope

and pray she may be happy.

But Jane soon comes round again, and then surely there never was

anything like the breakfast table, glittering with plate and china, and set

out with flowers and sweets, and long-necked bottles, in the most

sumptuous and dazzling manner. In the centre, too, is the mighty charm,

the cake, glistening with frosted sugar, and garnished beautifully. They

agree that there ought to be a little Cupid under one of the barley-sugar

temples, or at least two hearts and an arrow; but, with this exception, there

is nothing to wish for, and a table could not be handsomer. As they arrive

at this conclusion, who should come in but Mr. John! to whom Jane says

that its only Anne from number six; and John says HE knows, for he's

often winked his eye down the area, which causes Anne to blush and look

confused. She is going away, indeed; when Mr. John will have it that she

must drink a glass of wine, and he says never mind it's being early in the

morning, it won't hurt her: so they shut the door and pour out the wine;

Sketches of Young Couples

and Anne drinking lane's health, and adding, 'and here's wishing you yours,

Mr. John,' drinks it in a great many sips, - Mr. John all the time making

jokes appropriate to the occasion. At last Mr. John, who has waxed bolder

by degrees, pleads the usage at weddings, and claims the privilege of a

kiss, which he obtains after a great scuffle; and footsteps being now heard

on the stairs, they disperse suddenly.

By this time a carriage has driven up to convey the bride to church,

and Anne of number six prolonging the process of 'cleaning her door,' has

the satisfaction of beholding the bride and bridesmaids, and the papa and

mamma, hurry into the same and drive rapidly off. Nor is this all, for soon

other carriages begin to arrive with a posse of company all beautifully

dressed, at whom she could stand and gaze for ever; but having something

else to do, is compelled to take one last long look and shut the street-door.

And now the company have gone down to breakfast, and tears have

given place to smiles, for all the corks are out of the long-necked bottles,

and their contents are disappearing rapidly. Miss Emma's papa is at the top

of the table; Miss Emma's mamma at the bottom; and beside the latter are

Miss Emma herself and her husband, - admitted on all hands to be the

handsomest and most interesting young couple ever known. All down both

sides of the table, too, are various young ladies, beautiful to see, and

various young gentlemen who seem to think so; and there, in a post of

honour, is an unmarried aunt of Miss Emma's, reported to possess

unheard-of riches, and to have expressed vast testamentary intentions

respecting her favourite niece and new nephew. This lady has been very

liberal and generous already, as the jewels worn by the bride abundantly

testify, but that is nothing to what she means to do, or even to what she has

done, for she put herself in close communication with the dressmaker

three months ago, and prepared a wardrobe (with some articles worked by

her own hands) fit for a Princess. People may call her an old maid, and so

she may be, but she is neither cross nor ugly for all that; on the contrary,

she is very cheerful and pleasant-looking, and very kind and tender-

hearted: which is no matter of surprise except to those who yield to

popular prejudices without thinking why, and will never grow wiser and

never know better.

Sketches of Young Couples

Of all the company though, none are more pleasant to behold or better

pleased with themselves than two young children, who, in honour of the

day, have seats among the guests. Of these, one is a little fellow of six or

eight years old, brother to the bride, - and the other a girl of the same age,

or something younger, whom he calls 'his wife.' The real bride and

bridegroom are not more devoted than they: he all love and attention, and

she all blushes and fondness, toying with a little bouquet which he gave

her this morning, and placing the scattered rose-leaves in her bosom with

nature's own coquettishness. They have dreamt of each other in their quiet

dreams, these children, and their little hearts have been nearly broken

when the absent one has been dispraised in jest. When will there come in

after-life a passion so earnest, generous, and true as theirs; what, even in

its gentlest realities, can have the grace and charm that hover round such

fairy lovers!

By this time the merriment and happiness of the feast have gained

their height; certain ominous looks begin to be exchanged between the

bridesmaids, and somehow it gets whispered about that the carriage which

is to take the young couple into the country has arrived. Such members of

the party as are most disposed to prolong its enjoyments, affect to consider

this a false alarm, but it turns out too true, being speedily confirmed, first

by the retirement of the bride and a select file of intimates who are to

prepare her for the journey, and secondly by the withdrawal of the ladies

generally. To this there ensues a particularly awkward pause, in which

everybody essays to be facetious, and nobody succeeds; at length the

bridegroom makes a mysterious disappearance in obedience to some

equally mysterious signal; and the table is deserted.

Now, for at least six weeks last past it has been solemnly devised and

settled that the young couple should go away in secret; but they no sooner

appear without the door than the drawing-room windows are blocked up

with ladies waving their handkerchiefs and kissing their hands, and the

dining-room panes with gentlemen's faces beaming farewell in every

queer variety of its expression. The hall and steps are crowded with

servants in white favours, mixed up with particular friends and relations

who have darted out to say good-bye; and foremost in the group are the

Sketches of Young Couples

tiny lovers arm in arm, thinking, with fluttering hearts, what happiness it

would be to dash away together in that gallant coach, and never part again.

The bride has barely time for one hurried glance at her old home,

when the steps rattle, the door slams, the horses clatter on the pavement,

and they have left it far away.

A knot of women servants still remain clustered in the hall, whispering

among themselves, and there of course is Anne from number six, who has

made another escape on some plea or other, and been an admiring witness

of the departure. There are two points on which Anne expatiates over and

over again, without the smallest appearance of fatigue or intending to

leave off; one is, that she 'never see in all her life such a - oh such a angel

of a gentleman as Mr. Harvey' - and the other, that she 'can't tell how it is,

but it don't seem a bit like a work-a-day, or a Sunday neither - it's all so

unsettled and unregular.'

Sketches of Young Couples

THE FORMAL COUPLE

The formal couple are the most prim, cold, immovable, and

unsatisfactory people on the face of the earth. Their faces, voices, dress,

house, furniture, walk, and manner, are all the essence of formality,

unrelieved by one redeeming touch of frankness, heartiness, or nature.

Everything with the formal couple resolves itself into a matter of form.

They don't call upon you on your account, but their own; not to see how

you are, but to show how they are: it is not a ceremony to do honour to

you, but to themselves, - not due to your position, but to theirs. If one of a

friend's children die, the formal couple are as sure and punctual in sending

to the house as the undertaker; if a friend's family be increased, the

monthly nurse is not more attentive than they. The formal couple, in fact,

joyfully seize all occasions of testifying their good-breeding and precise

observance of the little usages of society; and for you, who are the means

to this end, they care as much as a man does for the tailor who has enabled

him to cut a figure, or a woman for the milliner who has assisted her to a

conquest.

Having an extensive connexion among that kind of people who make

acquaintances and eschew friends, the formal gentleman attends from time

to time a great many funerals, to which he is formally invited, and to

which he formally goes, as returning a call for the last time. Here his

deportment is of the most faultless description; he knows the exact pitch of

voice it is proper to assume, the sombre look he ought to wear, the

melancholy tread which should be his gait for the day. He is perfectly

acquainted with all the dreary courtesies to be observed in a mourning-

coach; knows when to sigh, and when to hide his nose in the white

handkerchief; and looks into the grave and shakes his head when the

ceremony is concluded, with the sad formality of a mute.

'What kind of funeral was it?' says the formal lady, when he returns

home. 'Oh!' replies the formal gentleman, 'there never was such a gross

and disgusting impropriety; there were no feathers.' 'No feathers!' cries the

lady, as if on wings of black feathers dead people fly to Heaven, and,

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SketchesofYoungCouples1SketchesofYoungCouplesCharlesDickens.SketchesofYoungCouples2ANURGENTREMONSTRANCE,&cTOTHEGENTLEMENOFENGLAND,(BEINGBACHELORSORWIDOWERS,)THEREMONSTRANCEOFTHEIRFAITHFULFELLOW-SUBJECT,SHEWETH,-THATHerMostGraciousMajesty,Victoria,bytheGraceofGodoftheUnitedKingdomofGreatBritainandIre...

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Sketches of Young Couples(年轻夫妇素描)

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