SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN(年轻绅士素描)

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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

SKETCHES OF YOUNG

GENTLEMEN

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

TO THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF

GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND; ALSO THE YOUNG LADIES OF

THE PRINCIPALITY OF WALES, AND LIKEWISE THE YOUNG

LADIES RESIDENT IN THE ISLES OF GUERNSEY, JERSEY,

ALDERNEY, AND SARK, THE HUMBLE DEDICATION OF THEIR

DEVOTED ADMIRER,

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

SHEWETH, -

THAT your Dedicator has perused, with feelings of virtuous

indignation, a work purporting to be 'Sketches of Young Ladies;' written

by Quiz, illustrated by Phiz, and published in one volume, square

twelvemo.

THAT after an attentive and vigilant perusal of the said work, your

Dedicator is humbly of opinion that so many libels, upon your Honourable

sex, were never contained in any previously published work, in twelvemo

or any other mo.

THAT in the title page and preface to the said work, your Honourable

sex are described and classified as animals; and although your Dedicator is

not at present prepared to deny that you ARE animals, still he humbly

submits that it is not polite to call you so.

THAT in the aforesaid preface, your Honourable sex are also described

as Troglodites, which, being a hard word, may, for aught your Honourable

sex or your Dedicator can say to the contrary, be an injurious and

disrespectful appellation.

THAT the author of the said work applied himself to his task in malice

prepense and with wickedness aforethought; a fact which, your Dedicator

contends, is sufficiently demonstrated, by his assuming the name of Quiz,

which, your Dedicator submits, denotes a foregone conclusion, and

implies an intention of quizzing.

THAT in the execution of his evil design, the said Quiz, or author of

the said work, must have betrayed some trust or confidence reposed in him

by some members of your Honourable sex, otherwise he never could have

acquired so much information relative to the manners and customs of your

Honourable sex in general.

THAT actuated by these considerations, and further moved by various

slanders and insinuations respecting your Honourable sex contained in the

said work, square twelvemo, entitled 'Sketches of Young Ladies,' your

Dedicator ventures to produce another work, square twelvemo, entitled

'Sketches of Young Gentlemen,' of which he now solicits your acceptance

and approval.

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

THAT as the Young Ladies are the best companions of the Young

Gentlemen, so the Young Gentlemen should be the best companions of the

Young Ladies; and extending the comparison from animals (to quote the

disrespectful language of the said Quiz) to inanimate objects, your

Dedicator humbly suggests, that such of your Honourable sex as

purchased the bane should possess themselves of the antidote, and that

those of your Honourable sex who were not rash enough to take the first,

should lose no time in swallowing the last, -prevention being in all cases

better than cure, as we are informed upon the authority, not only of general

acknowledgment, but also of traditionary wisdom.

THAT with reference to the said bane and antidote, your Dedicator has

no further remarks to make, than are comprised in the printed directions

issued with Doctor Morison's pills; namely, that whenever your

Honourable sex take twenty-five of Number, 1, you will be pleased to take

fifty of Number 2, without delay.

And your Dedicator shall ever pray, &c.

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

THE BASHFUL YOUNG

GENTLEMAN

We found ourself seated at a small dinner party the other day, opposite

a stranger of such singular appearance and manner, that he irresistibly

attracted our attention.

This was a fresh-coloured young gentleman, with as good a promise of

light whisker as one might wish to see, and possessed of a very velvet-like,

soft-looking countenance. We do not use the latter term invidiously, but

merely to denote a pair of smooth, plump, highly-coloured cheeks of

capacious dimensions, and a mouth rather remarkable for the fresh hue of

the lips than for any marked or striking expression it presented. His

whole face was suffused with a crimson blush, and bore that downcast,

timid, retiring look, which betokens a man ill at ease with himself.

There was nothing in these symptoms to attract more than a passing

remark, but our attention had been originally drawn to the bashful young

gentleman, on his first appearance in the drawing-room above- stairs, into

which he was no sooner introduced, than making his way towards us who

were standing in a window, and wholly neglecting several persons who

warmly accosted him, he seized our hand with visible emotion, and

pressed it with a convulsive grasp for a good couple of minutes, after

which he dived in a nervous manner across the room, oversetting in his

way a fine little girl of six years and a quarter old - and shrouding himself

behind some hangings, was seen no more, until the eagle eye of the

hostess detecting him in his concealment, on the announcement of dinner,

he was requested to pair off with a lively single lady, of two or three and

thirty.

This most flattering salutation from a perfect stranger, would have

gratified us not a little as a token of his having held us in high respect, and

for that reason been desirous of our acquaintance, if we had not suspected

from the first, that the young gentleman, in making a desperate effort to

get through the ceremony of introduction, had, in the bewilderment of his

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

ideas, shaken hands with us at random. This impression was fully

confirmed by the subsequent behaviour of the bashful young gentleman in

question, which we noted particularly, with the view of ascertaining

whether we were right in our conjecture.

The young gentleman seated himself at table with evident misgivings,

and turning sharp round to pay attention to some observation of his

loquacious neighbour, overset his bread. There was nothing very bad in

this, and if he had had the presence of mind to let it go, and say nothing

about it, nobody but the man who had laid the cloth would have been a bit

the wiser; but the young gentleman in various semi-successful attempts to

prevent its fall, played with it a little, as gentlemen in the streets may be

seen to do with their hats on a windy day, and then giving the roll a smart

rap in his anxiety to catch it, knocked it with great adroitness into a tureen

of white soup at some distance, to the unspeakable terror and disturbance

of a very amiable bald gentleman, who was dispensing the contents. We

thought the bashful young gentleman would have gone off in an apoplectic

fit, consequent upon the violent rush of blood to his face at the occurrence

of this catastrophe.

From this moment we perceived, in the phraseology of the fancy, that

it was 'all up' with the bashful young gentleman, and so indeed it was.

Several benevolent persons endeavoured to relieve his embarrassment by

taking wine with him, but finding that it only augmented his sufferings,

and that after mingling sherry, champagne, hock, and moselle together, he

applied the greater part of the mixture externally, instead of internally, they

gradually dropped off, and left him to the exclusive care of the talkative

lady, who, not noting the wildness of his eye, firmly believed she had

secured a listener. He broke a glass or two in the course of the meal, and

disappeared shortly afterwards; it is inferred that he went away in some

confusion, inasmuch as he left the house in another gentleman's coat, and

the footman's hat.

This little incident led us to reflect upon the most prominent

characteristics of bashful young gentlemen in the abstract; and as this

portable volume will be the great text-book of young ladies in all future

generations, we record them here for their guidance and behoof.

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

If the bashful young gentleman, in turning a street corner, chance to

stumble suddenly upon two or three young ladies of his acquaintance,

nothing can exceed his confusion and agitation. His first impulse is to

make a great variety of bows, and dart past them, which he does until,

observing that they wish to stop, but are uncertain whether to do so or not,

he makes several feints of returning, which causes them to do the same;

and at length, after a great quantity of unnecessary dodging and falling up

against the other passengers, he returns and shakes hands most

affectionately with all of them, in doing which he knocks out of their grasp

sundry little parcels, which he hastily picks up, and returns very muddy

and disordered. The chances are that the bashful young gentleman then

observes it is very fine weather, and being reminded that it has only just

left off raining for the first time these three days, he blushes very much,

and smiles as if he had said a very good thing. The young lady who was

most anxious to speak, here inquires, with an air of great commiseration,

how his dear sister Harriet is to-day; to which the young gentleman,

without the slightest consideration, replies with many thanks, that she is

remarkably well. 'Well, Mr. Hopkins!' cries the young lady, 'why, we

heard she was bled yesterday evening, and have been perfectly miserable

about her.' 'Oh, ah,' says the young gentleman, 'so she was. Oh, she's

very ill, very ill indeed.' The young gentleman then shakes his head, and

looks very desponding (he has been smiling perpetually up to this time),

and after a short pause, gives his glove a great wrench at the wrist, and

says, with a strong emphasis on the adjective, 'GOOD morning, GOOD

morning.' And making a great number of bows in acknowledgment of

several little messages to his sister, walks backward a few paces, and

comes with great violence against a lamp-post, knocking his hat off in the

contact, which in his mental confusion and bodily pain he is going to walk

away without, until a great roar from a carter attracts his attention, when

he picks it up, and tries to smile cheerfully to the young ladies, who are

looking back, and who, he has the satisfaction of seeing, are all laughing

heartily.

At a quadrille party, the bashful young gentleman always remains as

near the entrance of the room as possible, from which position he smiles at

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

the people he knows as they come in, and sometimes steps forward to

shake hands with more intimate friends: a process which on each

repetition seems to turn him a deeper scarlet than before. He declines

dancing the first set or two, observing, in a faint voice, that he would

rather wait a little; but at length is absolutely compelled to allow himself

to be introduced to a partner, when he is led, in a great heat and blushing

furiously, across the room to a spot where half-a-dozen unknown ladies

are congregated together.

'Miss Lambert, let me introduce Mr. Hopkins for the next quadrille.'

Miss Lambert inclines her head graciously. Mr. Hopkins bows, and his

fair conductress disappears, leaving Mr. Hopkins, as he too well knows, to

make himself agreeable. The young lady more than half expects that the

bashful young gentleman will say something, and the bashful young

gentleman feeling this, seriously thinks whether he has got anything to say,

which, upon mature reflection, he is rather disposed to conclude he has not,

since nothing occurs to him. Meanwhile, the young lady, after several

inspections of her BOUQUET, all made in the expectation that the bashful

young gentleman is going to talk, whispers her mamma, who is sitting

next her, which whisper the bashful young gentleman immediately

suspects (and possibly with very good reason) must be about HIM. In

this comfortable condition he remains until it is time to 'stand up,' when

murmuring a 'Will you allow me?' he gives the young lady his arm, and

after inquiring where she will stand, and receiving a reply that she has no

choice, conducts her to the remotest corner of the quadrille, and making

one attempt at conversation, which turns out a desperate failure, preserves

a profound silence until it is all over, when he walks her twice round the

room, deposits her in her old seat, and retires in confusion.

A married bashful gentleman - for these bashful gentlemen do get

married sometimes; how it is ever brought about, is a mystery to us - a

married bashful gentleman either causes his wife to appear bold by

contrast, or merges her proper importance in his own insignificance.

Bashful young gentlemen should be cured, or avoided. They are never

hopeless, and never will be, while female beauty and attractions retain

their influence, as any young lady will find, who may think it worth while

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

on this confident assurance to take a patient in hand.

SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN

THE OUT-AND-OUT YOUNG

GENTLEMAN

Out-and-out young gentlemen may be divided into two classes - those

who have something to do, and those who have nothing. I shall

commence with the former, because that species come more frequently

under the notice of young ladies, whom it is our province to warn and to

instruct.

The out-and-out young gentleman is usually no great dresser, his

instructions to his tailor being all comprehended in the one general

direction to 'make that what's-a-name a regular bang-up sort of thing.'

For some years past, the favourite costume of the out-and-out young

gentleman has been a rough pilot coat, with two gilt hooks and eyes to the

velvet collar; buttons somewhat larger than crown-pieces; a black or fancy

neckerchief, loosely tied; a wide-brimmed hat, with a low crown; tightish

inexpressibles, and iron-shod boots. Out of doors he sometimes carries a

large ash stick, but only on special occasions, for he prefers keeping his

hands in his coat pockets. He smokes at all hours, of course, and swears

considerably.

The out-and-out young gentleman is employed in a city counting-

house or solicitor's office, in which he does as little as he possibly can:

his chief places of resort are, the streets, the taverns, and the theatres. In

the streets at evening time, out- and-out young gentlemen have a pleasant

custom of walking six or eight abreast, thus driving females and other

inoffensive persons into the road, which never fails to afford them the

highest satisfaction, especially if there be any immediate danger of their

being run over, which enhances the fun of the thing materially. In all

places of public resort, the out-and-outers are careful to select each a seat

to himself, upon which he lies at full length, and (if the weather be very

dirty, but not in any other case) he lies with his knees up, and the soles of

his boots planted firmly on the cushion, so that if any low fellow should

ask him to make room for a lady, he takes ample revenge upon her dress,

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