The Bedford-Row Conspiracy(百得福特娄阴谋)

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THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

THE BEDFORD-ROW

CONSPIRACY

Thackeray

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

CHAPTER I.

OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND

OF THE TWO GREAT FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF

OLDBOROUGH.

"My dear John," cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, "it must and

shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is out of the

question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs says the taxes are

one-and-twenty pounds a year."

"I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea," remarked John: "Paradise

Row, No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to town

within a mile."

"What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in

driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My

darling, I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did you not

say yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that the place

swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish bricklayers? Would

you kill me, John?"

"My da-arling," said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss

Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young person

violently against his waistcoat,--"My da-arling, don't say such things, even

in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is only because you, my love,

with your birth and connections, ought to have a house of your own. The

chambers are quite large enough and certainly quite good enough for me."

And so, after some more sweet parley on the part of these young people, it

was agreed that they should take up their abode, when married, in a part of

the House number One hundred and something, Bedford Row.

It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other than

John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, and that

Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and Marianne

Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, younger son of

a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the Y---- family, had

angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly pretty young woman,

who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She had six hundred pounds to

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

her fortune, which the Captain laid out in the purchase of a sweet

travelling-carriage and dressing-case for himself; and going abroad with

his lady, spent several years in the principal prisons of Europe, in one of

which he died. His wife and daughter were meantime supported by the

contributions of Mrs. Jemima Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school.

At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in romances--

died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two sisters, whereupon

the elder gave up schooling and retired to London; and the younger

managed to live with some comfort and decency at Brussels, upon two

hundred and ten pounds per annum. Mrs. Gorgon never touched a shilling

of her capital, for the very good reason that it was placed entirely out of

her reach; so that when she died, her daughter found herself in possession

of a sum of money that is not always to be met with in this world.

Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, both

wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with each for six

months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second time, she had

come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh Square. It was under

the roof of that respectable old lady that John Perkins, Esquire, being

invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss Gorgon.

Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let us

pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of mystery

which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins.

Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer evenings,

when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets of the

Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh Square--Perkins, I

say, and Lucy would often sit together in the summer-house of that

pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange coincidences of their life.

Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so too was Perkins. If Perkins was

brotherless and sisterless, was not Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins

was twenty-three: his age and Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and

it was to be remarked, as a fact still more extraordinary, that while Lucy's

relatives were AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of love!

let us treat thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy secrets.

The fact is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young couple

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

OUGHT to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were ready

to find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic unions

of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that occurred from

the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and in the intervals.

Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far from Mecklenburgh

Square; and John used to say that he felt a comfort that his house and

Lucy's were served by the same muffin-man.

Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, warm-

hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young fellow than John

Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor Perkins, died, this, his

only son, was placed under the care of John Perkins, Esquire, of the house

of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, those celebrated attorneys in the trading

town of Oldborough, which the second partner, William Pitt Scully,

Esquire, represented in Parliament and in London.

All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his father's

death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear hundred a year.

Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he lived with thirteen red-

haired male and female cousins, he was only charged fifty pounds for

board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the remainder of his rents was

carefully put by for him until his majority. When he approached that

period--when he came to belong to two spouting-clubs at Oldborough,

among the young merchants and lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely,

and play a good game at billiards--to have written one or two smart things

in the Oldborough Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act he was

discovered by his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in one word,

when John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he was quite

unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his uncle's stern,

dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he vowed that he would go to

London and make his fortune. Thither he went, his aunt and cousins,

who were all "serious," vowing that he was a lost boy; and when his

history opens, John had been two years in the metropolis, inhabiting his

own garrets; and a very nice compact set of apartments, looking into the

back-garden, at this moment falling vacant, the prudent Lucy Gorgon had

visited them, and vowed that she and her John should there commence

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

housekeeping.

All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, it

must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal member for

Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial representative.

This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at

the paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and title

of Sir George Grimsby Gorgon.

He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his own

rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. Hicks, the

great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages on the Gorgon

property, all of which he yielded up, together with his daughter Juliana, to

the care of the baronet.

What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In

person, if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her father's

heavy, healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white dray-horses might, to

the poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At twenty she was a splendid

creature, and though not at her full growth, yet remarkable for strength and

sinew; at forty-five she was as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's

dominions. Five feet seven in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and

hair, she looked as if she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier

Guards. She had three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten years

after the birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one son--George

Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal duke, whose

steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many years.

It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description of Lady

Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced creature,

eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way of the world, as

every single reader of this book must have remarked; for frolic love

delights to join giants and pigmies of different sexes in the bonds of

matrimony. When you saw her Ladyship in flame-coloured satin and

gorgeous toque and feathers, entering the drawing-room, as footmen along

the stairs shouted melodiously, "Sir George and Lady Gorgon," you beheld

in her company a small withered old gentleman, with powder and large

royal household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a little weak-legged

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

colt does at the side of a stout mare.

The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty

pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never

drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, his

talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole Army List

by heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all below them he scorned.

A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at breakfast, and dinner: a gun

announced sunset. He clung to his pigtail for many years after the army

had forsaken that ornament, and could never be brought to think much of

the Peninsular men for giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used

to call him "MY LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS

CAPTAIN WELLESLEY." He swore fearfully in conversation, was

most regular at church, and regularly read to his family and domestics the

morning and evening prayer; he bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his

wife, who led him whither she chose; gave grand entertainments, and

never asked a friend by chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his

people; and was as dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a

little creature as ever was known.

With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in

society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so

endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of

conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to him--more

favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the General.

Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire

each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, many

love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, Esquire,

the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos of certain

syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that matters had

gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the General (Major

Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's five years' fabric of

love was instantly dashed to the ground. She cut him pitilessly, cut Sally

Scully, his sister, her dearest friend and confidante, and bestowed her big

person upon the little aide-de-camp at the end of a fortnight's wooing. In

the course of time their mutual fathers died; the Gorgon estates were

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the borough of Oldborough,

and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, was a

personage of no small importance.

He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason

why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully,

deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened;

deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear to see

Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand pew;--deserted, I say, the

church, adopted the conventicle, and became one of the most zealous and

eloquent supporters that Freedom has known in our time. Scully, of the

house of Scully and Perkins, was a dangerous enemy. In five years from

that marriage, which snatched from the jilted solicitor his heart's young

affections, Sir George Gorgon found that he must actually spend seven

hundred pounds to keep his two seats. At the next election, a Liberal was

set up against his man, and actually ran him hard; and finally, at the end of

eighteen years, the rejected Scully--the mean attorney--was actually the

FIRST Member for Oldborough, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet,

being only the second!

The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir

George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very nose--

the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous window-smashing that

took place at the "Gorgon Arms," and the discomfiture of the pelted Mayor

and Corporation. The very next Sunday, Scully was reconciled to the

church (or attended it in the morning, and the meeting twice in the

afternoon), and as Doctor Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court of

Parliament, his eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady

Gorgon and Sir George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who

always stood during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among

the hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did

little beadle-belaboured urchin.

Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church.

"What," said he, "was it to him? were we not all brethren?" Old Perkins,

however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. In fact, to tell

the truth, this subject had been debated between the partners, who saw the

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

advantage of courting both the Establishment and the Dissenters--a

manoeuvre which, I need not say, is repeated in almost every country town

in England, where a solicitor's house has this kind of power and

connection.

Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and the

race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave "the

Gorgon cup and cover," a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, "although

anxious," as he wrote from town, "anxious beyond measure to preserve the

breed of horses for which our beloved country has ever been famous,

could attend no such sports as these, which but too often degenerated into

vice." It was voted a shabby excuse. Lady Gorgon was radiant in her

barouche and four, and gladly became the patroness of the ball that was to

ensue; and which all the gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were in

the custom of attending. The ball took place on the last day of the races.

On that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public buildings,

and the "Gorgon Arms Hotel" itself, were plastered with the following:--

"Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully,

Esquire, etc., etc.

"HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1,

18--.

"MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing,

and though I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys

that manly sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives

which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on the

festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, cannot allow my

name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at least of the

representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. Sir George Gorgon is

among you: and though I differ from that honourable Baronet on more

than ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think that he is with you. A

gentleman, a soldier, a man of property in the county, how can he be better

employed than in forwarding the county's amusements, and in forwarding

the happiness of all?

"Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I must

still have refrained from coming among you. Your great Oldborough

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, and I shall be

AT MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were here, he and I

should on this occasion vote side by side, and that party strife would be

forgotten in the object of our common interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE

TOWN.

"There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be proud

to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party forgotten--

brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S BEAUTY,

our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our matrons in the

exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss-- can you, can I, can Whig

or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a scene like this, or refuse to join

in this heart-stirring festival? If there BE such let them pardon me--I, for

one, my dear Heeltap, will be among you on Friday night--ay, and hereby

invite all pretty Tory Misses, who are in want of a partner.

"I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old

folks like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of bucks and

a turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who was so liberal

last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, refuse to taste a little of

Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my part with hearty goodwill. Hey for

the 6th, and vive la joie!

"Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful

"W. PITT SCULLY.

"P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the

venison, etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH."

This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's

injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a preface,

"that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of his action,

and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at Oldborough know of it."

The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in

Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady Gorgon, on

the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; Sir George Gorgon

was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged to send down to the

"Gorgon Arms," to be added to the festival. He would have stayed away

if he could, but he dared not.

THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY

At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and

diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, Lucy

Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick Grimsby

Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and nankeens, entered

the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, and the sound of "God

save the King!"

At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William

Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a brand-new blue

coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white kerseymere tights, pumps

with large rosettes, and pink silk stockings.

"This wool," said he to a friend, "was grown on Oldborough sheep,

this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in an

Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough

tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven

may be buried there!"

Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come

down as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous enthusiasm,

leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, and shrieked--

"SCULLY FOR EVER!"

Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the grave

tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at his inn,

and accompanied him thence to the "Gorgon Arms," lifted their deep

voices and shouted "Hear!" "Good!" "Bravo!" "Noble!" "Scully for ever!"

"God bless him!" and "Hurrah!"

The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang

down from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that gentleman

said, "Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you," in a

way which made Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was quaffed;

that he had but to die: for that life had no other such joy in store for him.

Scully was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded himself up to the attorney,

body and soul.

Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom,

beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady Gorgon,

the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by their Tory

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THEBEDFORD-ROWCONSPIRACY1THEBEDFORD-ROWCONSPIRACYThackerayTHEBEDFORD-ROWCONSPIRACY2CHAPTERI.OFTHELOVESOFMR.PERKINSANDMISSGORGON,ANDOFTHETWOGREATFACTIONSINTHETOWNOFOLDBOROUGH."MydearJohn,"criedLucy,withaverywiselookindeed,"itmustandshallbeso.AsforDoughtyStreet,withourmeans,ahouseisoutofthequestion.We...

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