The Merry Wives of Windsor(温沙的风流娘儿们)

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THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

THE MERRY WIVES

OF WINDSOR

William Shakespeare

1601

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

Dramatis Personae

SIR JOHN FALSTAFF FENTON, a young gentleman SHALLOW, a

country justice SLENDER, cousin to Shallow

Gentlemen of Windsor FORD PAGE WILLIAM PAGE, a boy, son to

Page SIR HUGH EVANS, a Welsh parson DOCTOR CAIUS, a French

physician HOST of the Garter Inn

Followers of Falstaff BARDOLPH PISTOL NYM ROBIN, page to

Falstaff SIMPLE, servant to Slender RUGBY, servant to Doctor Caius

MISTRESS FORD MISTRESS PAGE MISTRESS ANNE PAGE,

her daughter MISTRESS QUICKLY, servant to Doctor Caius SERVANTS

to Page, Ford, etc.

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

ACT I.

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

SCENE 1.

Windsor. Before PAGE'S house

Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS

SHALLOW. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star Chamber

matter of it; if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert

Shallow, esquire. SLENDER. In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace,

and Coram. SHALLOW. Ay, cousin Slender, and Custalorum. SLENDER.

Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes

himself 'Armigero' in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation-'Armigero.'

SHALLOW. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred

years. SLENDER. All his successors, gone before him, hath done't; and all

his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white

luces in their coat. SHALLOW. It is an old coat. EVANS. The dozen white

louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar

beast to man, and signifies love. SHALLOW. The luce is the fresh fish; the

salt fish is an old coat. SLENDER. I may quarter, coz. SHALLOW. You

may, by marrying. EVANS. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

SHALLOW. Not a whit. EVANS. Yes, py'r lady! If he has a quarter of

your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures;

but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements

unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to

make atonements and compremises between you. SHALLOW. The

Council shall hear it; it is a riot. EVANS. It is not meet the Council hear a

riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot; the Council, look you, shall desire to

hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.

SHALLOW. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

EVANS. It is petter that friends is the sword and end it; and there is also

another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions

with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page,

which is pretty virginity. SLENDER. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown

hair, and speaks small like a woman. EVANS. It is that fery person for all

the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,

and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death's-bed-Got deliver to a

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

joyful resurrections!-give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years

old. It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire

a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

SHALLOW. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? EVANS.

Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. SHALLOW. I know the

young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. EVANS. Seven hundred pounds,

and possibilities, is goot gifts. SHALLOW. Well, let us see honest Master

Page. Is Falstaff there? EVANS. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as

I do despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true. The

knight Sir John is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers.

I will peat the door for Master Page. [Knocks] What, hoa! Got pless your

house here! PAGE. [Within] Who's there?

Enter PAGE

EVANS. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow;

and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another

tale, if matters grow to your likings. PAGE. I am glad to see your worships

well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow. SHALLOW. Master

Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wish'd your

venison better; it was ill kill'd. How doth good Mistress Page?-and I thank

you always with my heart, la! with my heart. PAGE. Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. PAGE. I am glad to see

you, good Master Slender. SLENDER. How does your fallow greyhound,

sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall. PAGE. It could not be judg'd, sir.

SLENDER. You'll not confess, you'll not confess. SHALLOW. That he

will not. 'Tis your fault; 'tis your fault; 'tis a good dog. PAGE. A cur, sir.

SHALLOW. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog. Can there be more said?

He is good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here? PAGE. Sir, he is within; and

I would I could do a good office between you. EVANS. It is spoke as a

Christians ought to speak. SHALLOW. He hath wrong'd me, Master Page.

PAGE. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. SHALLOW. If it be confessed,

it is not redressed; is not that so, Master Page? He hath wrong'd me;

indeed he hath; at a word, he hath, believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire,

saith he is wronged. PAGE. Here comes Sir John.

Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

FALSTAFF. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the King?

SHALLOW. Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my deer, and broke

open my lodge. FALSTAFF. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter.

SHALLOW. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. FALSTAFF. I will answer it

straight: I have done all this. That is now answer'd. SHALLOW. The

Council shall know this. FALSTAFF. 'Twere better for you if it were

known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. EVANS. Pauca verba, Sir John;

goot worts. FALSTAFF. Good worts! good cabbage! Slender, I broke your

head; what matter have you against me? SLENDER. Marry, sir, I have

matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals,

Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me

drunk, and afterwards pick'd my pocket. BARDOLPH. You Banbury

cheese! SLENDER. Ay, it is no matter. PISTOL. How now,

Mephostophilus! SLENDER. Ay, it is no matter. NYM. Slice, I say! pauca,

pauca; slice! That's my humour. SLENDER. Where's Simple, my man?

Can you tell, cousin? EVANS. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand.

There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is, Master Page,

fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three

party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. PAGE. We three to hear

it and end it between them. EVANS. Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in

my note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great

discreetly as we can. FALSTAFF. Pistol! PISTOL. He hears with ears.

EVANS. The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, 'He hears with ear'?

Why, it is affectations. FALSTAFF. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's

purse? SLENDER. Ay, by these gloves, did he-or I would I might never

come in mine own great chamber again else!-of seven groats in mill-

sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and

two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. FALSTAFF. Is this true,

Pistol? EVANS. No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse. PISTOL. Ha, thou

mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this

latten bilbo. Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial! Froth and

scum, thou liest. SLENDER. By these gloves, then, 'twas he. NYM. Be

avis'd, sir, and pass good humours; I will say 'marry trap' with you, if you

run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it. SLENDER. By

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what

I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. FALSTAFF.

What say you, Scarlet and John? BARDOLPH. Why, sir, for my part, I say

the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. EVANS. It is

his five senses; fie, what the ignorance is! BARDOLPH. And being fap,

sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careers.

SLENDER. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter; I'll ne'er be

drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick.

If I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not

with drunken knaves. EVANS. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

FALSTAFF. You hear all these matters deni'd, gentlemen; you hear it.

Enter MISTRESS ANNE PAGE with wine; MISTRESS FORD and

MISTRESS PAGE, following

PAGE. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. Exit

ANNE PAGE SLENDER. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. PAGE.

How now, Mistress Ford! FALSTAFF. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are

very well met; by your leave, good mistress. [Kisses her] PAGE. Wife, bid

these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner;

come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. Exeunt all

but SHALLOW, SLENDER, and EVANS SLENDER. I had rather than

forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here.

Enter SIMPLE

How, Simple! Where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I?

You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you? SIMPLE. Book of

Riddles! Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas

last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas? SHALLOW. Come, coz; come, coz;

we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere,

a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you

understand me? SLENDER. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be

so, I shall do that that is reason. SHALLOW. Nay, but understand me.

SLENDER. So I do, sir. EVANS. Give ear to his motions: Master Slender,

I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. SLENDER.

Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says; I pray you pardon me; he's a

justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. EVANS. But

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.

SHALLOW. Ay, there's the point, sir. EVANS. Marry is it; the very point

of it; to Mistress Anne Page. SLENDER. Why, if it be so, I will marry her

upon any reasonable demands. EVANS. But can you affection the oman?

Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers

philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely,

can you carry your good will to the maid? SHALLOW. Cousin Abraham

Slender, can you love her? SLENDER. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall

become one that would do reason. EVANS. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies!

you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

SHALLOW. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

SLENDER. I will do a greater thing than that upon your request, cousin, in

any reason. SHALLOW. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what

I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? SLENDER. I will

marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the

beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we

are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope upon

familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say 'marry her,' I will

marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. EVANS. It is a fery

discretion answer, save the fall is in the ord 'dissolutely': the ort is,

according to our meaning, 'resolutely'; his meaning is good. SHALLOW.

Ay, I think my cousin meant well. SLENDER. Ay, or else I would I might

be hang'd, la!

Re-enter ANNE PAGE

SHALLOW. Here comes fair Mistress Anne. Would I were young for

your sake, Mistress Anne! ANNE. The dinner is on the table; my father

desires your worships' company. SHALLOW. I will wait on him, fair

Mistress Anne! EVANS. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the

grace. Exeunt SHALLOW and EVANS ANNE. Will't please your worship

to come in, sir? SLENDER. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very

well. ANNE. The dinner attends you, sir. SLENDER. I am not a-hungry, I

thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my

cousin Shallow. [Exit SIMPLE] A justice of peace sometime may be

beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

my mother be dead. But what though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman

born. ANNE. I may not go in without your worship; they will not sit till

you come. SLENDER. I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as

though I did. ANNE. I pray you, sir, walk in. SLENDER. I had rather walk

here, I thank you. I bruis'd my shin th' other day with playing at sword and

dagger with a master of fence-three veneys for a dish of stew'd prunes -

and, I with my ward defending my head, he hot my shin, and, by my troth,

I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be

there bears i' th' town? ANNE. I think there are, sir; I heard them talk'd of.

SLENDER. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any

man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?

ANNE. Ay, indeed, sir. SLENDER. That's meat and drink to me now. I

have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain;

but I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it that it pass'd;

but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favour'd rough

things.

Re-enter PAGE

PAGE. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.

SLENDER. I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. PAGE. By cock and pie, you

shall not choose, sir! Come, come. SLENDER. Nay, pray you lead the

way. PAGE. Come on, sir. SLENDER. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go

first. ANNE. Not I, sir; pray you keep on. SLENDER. Truly, I will not go

first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong. ANNE. I pray you, sir.

SLENDER. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself

wrong indeed, la! Exeunt

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

SCENE 2.

Before PAGE'S house

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE

EVANS. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which is the

way; and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his

nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his

wringer. SIMPLE. Well, sir. EVANS. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this

letter; for it is a oman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne

Page; and the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master's

desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone. I will make an end of

my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. Exeunt

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