C M Kornbluth - The Education Of Tigress Mccardle

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THE EDUCATION OF TIGRESS MCCARDLE

C. M.Kornbluth

WITH THE UNANIMITY THAT HAD ALWAYS CHARACTER-

izedhis fans, as soon as they were able to vote they swept him into office as President of the United

States. Four years later the 28th Amendment was ratified, republican institutions yielded gracefully to the

usages of monarchy, and King Purvis Ireigned in the land.

Perhaps even then all would have gone well if it had not been for another major entertainment

personage, the insidious Dr. Fu Manchu, that veritable personification of the Yellow Peril, squatting like

some great evil spider in the center of his web of intrigue. The insidious doctor appeared to have so much

fun on his television series, what with a lovely concubine to paw him and a dwarf to throw

knives, that it quite turned the head of Gerald Wang, a hitherto-peaceable antique dealer of San

Fntncisco . Gerald decided that he too would become a veritable personification of the Yellow Peril, and

that he too would squat like some great evil spider in the center of a web of intrigue, and that he would

reallyaccomplish something. He found it remarkably easy since nobody believed in the Yellow Peril any

more. He grew a mandarin mustache, took to uttering cryptic quotations from the sages;,and was

generally addressed as "doctor" by the members of his organization, though he made no attempt to

practice medicine. His wife drew the line at the concubine, but Gerald had enough to keep him busy with

hispereonifying and squatting.

His great coup occurred in 1986 when^ after patient years of squatting and plotting, one of his most

insidious ideas reached the attention of His Majesty via a recommendationridered onto the annual

population-resources report. The recommendation was implemented as the Parental Qualifications

Program, or P.Q.P., by royal edict. "Owrackonthet'llmake ummahnd they P's and Q's," quipped His

Majesty, and everybody laughed heartily—but none more heartily than the insidious Dr. Wang, who was

present in disguise as Tuner of the RoyalGit -tar.

A typical PQP operation (at least when judged typical by the professor of Chronoscope History

Seminar 201 given by Columbia University in 2756a.d., who ought to know) involved GeorgeMcCardle

. . .

GeorgeMcCardle -had agooddeal with his girl friend, TigressMoone . He dined her and bought her

pretties and had the freedom of the bearskin rug in front of her wood-burning fireplace. He had beaten

the game; he had achieved a delightful combination of bachelor irresponsibility and marital gratification.

"George," Tigress said thoughtfully one day ... so they got married.

With prices what they were in 1998, she kept her job, of course—at least until she again said

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C M Kornbluth - The Education Of Tigress Mccardle

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