Elizabeth Ann Scarborough - The Attack of the Avenging Virgins

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The Attack of the Avenging Virgins

(as told by one of the Valiant Vanquished)

Elizabeth Ann Scarborough

« ^ »

Southern Campaign,

Dear Mum,

I hope this finds you in good health and spirits. Me? I am too hot, otherwise fine. This

country is not what you'd call healthy, being full of little insects that bite and suck your blood

and make you swell and itch. Also full of swampland and jungle, with large toothy reptiles and

asps. Which would not be so bad, except that most of the asps are officers. (Heh heh. Little

joke, Mum. See? I have not lost my wacky sense of humor.)

I thought I should send this off before we leave Sooltri, which as you know is the capital

city of Ecotri, our immediate neighbor to the south (see crude map enclosed).

I enclose for you this very nice pair of gilt embroidered lacy knickers I found lying around

here. They looked to be about your size. The former occupant wasn't wearing them at the time,

being otherwise engaged with several of the fellows from my unit. But don't worry, Mum, it's

not like they're nice girls around here. Foreigners, you know. Funny looking, filthy habits, just

heathens, really. Still, the knickers were rather fetching and I thought you might fancy them.

Captain Burden says that taking the capital was only the beginning. To truly conquer these

barbarians, we have to wipe out their outlandish religion at its roots-the sacred temple of their

goddess, whose name starts with an A, it seems to me. Amy? Annie? Agatha? No, none of those

seem right. It was longer than that. The temple is supposedly guarded by hundreds or maybe

even thousands of beautiful virgins, cruelly kept by these misguided souls from fulfilling their

true nature as mothers, wives, sweethearts, or dinar-a-dance girls by the head virgin, known as

the Virago, the high priestess of their outlandish goddess, whatsername-that-starts-with-an-A.

They also guard the true objective of our mission, the fabled Sacred Assets, said to be even

more wondrous and valuable than the considerable booty we've gathered thus far.

Anyway, we must cut our way through many miles of jungle to get to the temple, which is

hidden in the mountains.

If you wonder how I've become such an expert on this mysterious country, I'll tell you. Sgt.

Swinborne briefed us on it earlier today.

It took Sgt. Swinborne a couple of days to get this information from the locals-but once we

took the palace and he was able to use the facilities at the royal dungeon on the royal family, it

was amazing how cooperative and eager to please everyone was. like little children, in a way.

Normally they don't seem to value life the same way we do, perhaps it's the heat? But people

are sentimental about the nobility, if you can call them that. The queen, who is the sectoolar,

sekyouler? Non-religious, anyway, ruler, because she obviously got married and had children,

which our Sarge found helpful, anyway, she was particularly anxious to please once the

sergeant began chatting up the little crown princess.

Sarge said her former majesty couldn't talk fast enough, actually. Says she told him the

temple is actually inside the mountains, in this great maze of caves-the mountains here being

made of some unsuitable porous rock. She said we'd never find it because it was miles and

miles away and the jungle was full of man-eating animals and the aforementioned asps and

large toothy reptiles and such. He pointed out to her former majesty very reasonably, he said,

that there surely must be a nice path back there, since it is the seat of their religion and they

must go out that way for ceremonies and such and she said, no, that the temple virgins

periodically come into the city to bless everyone and that otherwise they seclude themselves

and do sacred stuff, like making sacrifices and polishing collection bowls and guarding the

Sacred Assets and such. This generally keeps them busy enough to keep them from being seen

by men. When we troops talked it over among ourselves after Sarge told us this, we figured

they had to be kept away from the lads because they were very beautiful and unlikely to remain

qualified for their jobs as temple virgins if they got out much.

Well, we're just mopping up on the raping, killing, looting and pillaging now. We are rather

undermanned to hold the city, such as it is. A shame we had to do the looting before we make

the trek to the temple. Now we have to carry it all with us, as there is no one here to guard it.

No place really, once we finished using the cannon on all those buildings. They were rather

flimsy things, with spires and curlicues and onion domes and such, and fell apart immediately.

Hard to imagine it ever amounting to anything, now, though it looked ever so grand and full of

itself when we first arrived.

Must rush now. Time to put one foot in front of the other, as it were. I'm glad I mostly got a

bit of jewelry for you and Sarah and Gisela. A few loose gems to turn a profit on, maybe. Pried

'em out of the eyes of the heathen idols. Things were thick with these jewels and not just the

eyes, if you know what I mean. Lucky for me that A goddess likes her baubles. They'll be

lighter to carry than what some of the other fellows have. Sarge was just dying to bring a lot of

the tools he found in the dungeon. Said he wanted to speak to the temple virgins and do a bit of

anthropological study on the local religion with the aim of discrediting it and converting the

populace. Religious fellow, our Sarge. He brought along her former Majesty, thinking she

might enjoy the pilgrimage, though she's a bit long in the tooth and rather too tattered from the

initial persuasive tactics of our Sarge to be of much interest to the lads at the moment. But

Captain Burden said that ours is not the first invasion force of our folk to come down and

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Elizabeth Ann Scarborough - The Attack of the Avenging Virgins

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