Christopher Stasheff - Wizard In Rhyme 01 - Her Majesty's Wizard

Her Majesty’s Wizard – Wizard In Rhyme 01

Christopher Stashef

CHAPTER 1

Matthew Mantrell leaned forward across the little table in the campus coffee shop and tapped the

sheet of rune-covered parchment before him. He tried to put some of the urgency he felt into his voice.

"I tell you, Paul, this is important!"

Paul just sighed and shook his head, reaching for the last of his coffee. He didn't even glance at the

parchment.

Somehow, Matt never had been able to make others take him seriously. He was tall enough, he

thought, over medium height, and fencing practice had kept him lean and wiry. But his eyes were an

honest, warm brown-like his hair. His nose was out of Sherlock Holmes-but from Watson, not Holmes.

He looked, unfortunately, good-natured, friendly, and kind.

Across the table, Paul put his cup down and cleared his throat. "As I remember it," he said, "you're

supposed to be working on your doctorate. How long since you did any research on your dissertation?"

"Three months," Matt admitted.

Paul shook his head. "Then you'd better get on the stick, man. You don't have that much more time."

It was true. He had a month of the spring semester left, plus the summer. After that, it was out into the

wilderness of two-year college teaching, with little or no research time, probably never to emerge into the

light of a Ph.D. and eventual professorship. He shuddered at the thought, but screwed up the remnants of

determination and declared, "But this is important! I feel it in my bones!"

"So what are you going to tell your committee? That you dropped everything because-so you say-this

piece of manuscript fell out of an old copy of the Njaal saga while you were poking around in the library

stacks?"

"It did!"

"So how come nobody else ever found it? They've been sifting that library for fifty years. How do we

know it isn't a hoax?"

"It's in runes..."

"Which you-and who knows how many others-can write." Paul shook his head slowly. "One scrap of

parchment, with runes spelling out words in a language that sounds like a mess of German, French,

maybe Old Norse, and probably some Elvish and Barsoomian worked in."

"Yeah, but I feel it's a real tongue." Matt managed a tight smile. "The words just don't make

sense-yet."

"So you've been trying to translate it from root words for three months, without a bit of luck." Paul

sighed. "Give it up, man. June's next month. Your fellowship will be up, and none of your dissertation

done. There you'll be, without a degree, and not much chance of getting one, either."

He looked at the clock and got to his feet, clapping Matt on the shoulder. "Gotta run. Good luck,

man-and pull your head back to reality huh? Or as close as we can ever get."

Matt watched him shoulder his way out of the coffee shop. Paul was right, from the hard-headed,

practical point of view. But Matt knew he was, too. He just couldn't substantiate it. He sighed and pulled

out his silver ballpoint pen to have another try at playing acrostics with the speech sounds in his

manuscript.

He looked down at the parchment, and everything else dropped from his mind. He felt, illogically, that

if he just stared at the black brush strokes, just repeated those alien phonemes again and again, they'd

start making sense. Ridiculous, of course! He had to reason it out, starting with the root words and

locating their place in the family of human languages.

He caught himself repeating the syllables again and stared at the blank notebook page beside him.

Start with root words. Lalinga -- the first word of all. Well, lingua was Latin for tongue or language, and

la was the feminine article in the Romance languages. But the next words didn't seem to fit the pattern.

Lalinga wogreus marwold reigor ...

He leaned back, taking a very deep breath. He'd slipped into it again, chanting the meaningless

symbols ...

No, not meaningless! They would make sense! He was sure of it. If he could just find the key ...

Dangerous, some remote, monitoring part of his mind gibed. Very dangerous; that way lie dragons.

And insanity ...

Matt buried his face in his hands, thumbs massaging his temple. Maybe Paul was right; he had been

working this over too long. Maybe he should just drop it ...

But not without one more try. He sat up straight again and took a firmer grip on the pen. Now, one

more time.

Lalinga wogreus marwold reigor

Athelstrigen marx alupta

Harleng krimorg barlow steigor ...

Pull back, the remote part of his mind warned. You're in too deep; you'll never get out...

But Matt couldn't let go-underneath it all, somehow, the weird words were beginning to make sense.

He head filled with roaring-and beneath it, like a, harmonic, the noise seemed to modulate into words:

You, betrayed by time and space,

Born without your proper grace ...

The whole room seemed to be darkening, with only the scrap of parchment lighted; and even there,

the runes were writhing, blurring, starting to run together...

To a world befouled and base.

Feel your proper form and case,

Recognize your homeland's face.

The page darkened, left him enveloped in a formless, lightless limbo. He lurched to his feet, then

sagged against the wall, squeezing the hard, cool cylinder of the silver pen like a talisman; but the words

thundered on in his head:

Cross the void of time and space!

Seek and find your proper place!

Worlds whirled, suns swerved across limbo, wheeling him about like a dervish. Nausea struck as the

floor swung out from under his feet. His knees tried to give; Matt clutched at a beam in the wall, holding

himself up, trying to force his eyes open.

It passed; the spinning suns slowed, his feet touched hardness, then pressed up. Bit by bit, the churning

universe ground down toward a halt...

Matt leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths, letting the dizziness pass and the nausea ebb. Paul

was right; he had been working too hard ...

A hand clasped his shoulder. "Here, countryman! Stand away!"

Matt looked up, irritated-at a florid, beefy face with a full beard, a puffy beret, and a fur-trimmed

woolen robe over a linen tunic.

The hand shook his shoulder, almost knocking him down. "D'ye hear me? Stand away from my shop!"

Matt stared, unbelieving. The meaning was clear and familiar, but the words weren't English.

They were the language of the manuscript fragment...

He looked around, dazed. How had he. gotten outside? Especially this outside-a narrow street,

half-timbered houses with second stories sticking out over the cobblestones ...

Where was he?

"Alms, goodman! Alms for the poor!"

Matt looked down into a grimy, grease-stained wooden bowl about a foot below his nose. There was

a hand holding it-a filthy, scabby, dirtcrusted hand. The arm attached to it went with the hand perfectly,

scab for scab and crud for crud. He followed it down to a motley collection of rags and a hideous,

emaciated, grizzled old face, with a filthy woolen strip tied across the eyes.

The beggar gave the bowl an angry, impatient shake. "Alms, countryman! Give me alms! For charity's

sweet sake, goodman -- alms!"

The man went with the scene. The gutter was filled with garbage and sewage, a magnet for mangy

dogs and scrofulous pigs.

While Matt watched, a rat shot out of a pile of garbage, and a mutt leaped on, it with a happy yelp.

Matt shuddered and looked away; a sudden wave of dizziness swept him, and he clutched at the wall

again, leaning against it.

"He's ill!" The beggar sounded as if he were on the verge of panic; definitely overreacting, Matt

thought dizzily.

"And he leans against my shop!" The beefy type didn't sound too solid, either. "Stand away, I say!"

Matt remembered something about medieval plagues and people accused of carrying them. He

staggered upright, fishing in a pocket. "No, no, I'm all right." He pulled out a quarter and dropped it into

the bowl. "Just a little dizziness; it was a hard trip, you understand.. ."

Why had he thought of medieval plagues?

The beggar's other hand closed on the quarter, scooping it out of the bowl with a satisfied hiss; but the

tradesman spat an oath and snatched it out of the beggar's hand. He held it about two inches from his

eyes, staring at it, his eyes bulging. Then he looked up at Matt, his eyes wide with a sort of horror, and

maybe loathing. Matt suddenly realized he wasn't exactly dressed for the occasion. The others he saw all

seemed to be wearing the same sort of basic outfit, with variations-a short tunic over hose, with some

sort of cloak over it. It was the variations that gave Matt heartburn; they ran the gamut from about the

seventh century to the fourteenth.

Most of them went barefoot. Some had cross-gartered sandals. Some wore shoes, but they were

pointy at the toes. And the hats ran from a simple hood to the beefy individual's puffy beret.

"What manner of man is this?" a new voice growled. It belonged to a muscle-bound type in

cross-gartered hose and a leather apron, with an interesting assortment of soot smudges and singed hairs

in place of a shirt, and an even more interesting hammer-a squarish block of iron with an oaken handle.

Now that Matt noticed it, there were two more members to the group, one with a quarterstaff and the

other with an adz. And they all looked hostile.

"He's an outlander, isn't he?" Quarterstaff grunted.

"Mayhap," Puffyhat answered, "but he appeared in front of my shop when I had scarce glanced down

at my counting-board. And look at his coin-have you ever seen such?"

The quarter passed from hand to hand, to the accompaniment of rumbles of amazement and suspicion.

"'Tis too polished," the blacksmith opined. "'Tis as if a king's statue could be shrunken down to the size

of a coin."

"And such exactness, such precision!" Matt recognized a professional tone in Puffyhat's voice; he must

be a silversmith. "'Tis in all ways wondrous. He who cast it must have been a wizard!"

"Wizard!" The knot of men fell totally silent, staring at Matt.

The ridiculousness of it hit Matt suddenly. He felt the tender glow of his own twisted humor and

straightened slowly, fighting temptation. As usual, he lost.

He flung his arms straight up and started chanting in his most orotund tones, "Fourscore and seven

years ago, our fathers set forth upon this continent a new nation..."

They backed off like kids in a dentist's office, arms up to protect their faces. Matt shut up, hands on

his hips, grinning around at them, waiting to see what happened-which was nothing, of course.

Slowly, the townsmen lowered their arms and looked up, unbelieving. Then their faces reddened with

anger, and their arms came down the rest of the way with fists on the ends. They moved in.

Matt stepped back and back again, till the stucco wall pricked his back. The mob started shouting,

"Vile, impotent wizard!"... "We'll teach you to curse your betters!" ... "Foul sorcerer!"

Sorcerer? Somehow, that had an ugly sound.

But "wizard" was another matter-and so was being used for a punching bag. Matt stabbed his

forefingers at them, one after the other, right, left, right, chanting:

"To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

There was a loud pop! Matt found himself facing an empty street, with a handful of gawkers on the far

side.

He blinked and shook his head. It couldn't be. But where had Puffyhat and his friends gone? Matt

looked around for a porch.

There wasn't any in the vicinity, but there was a low wall about fifty feet down to the right across the

alley, with four huddled, moaning shapes on top of it.

One of them looked up-the blacksmith. He stared at Matt. Matt stared back.

Then anger wrenched the smith's face, and he jumped off the wall with a howl, running straight for

Matt, his hammer swinging up.

Puffyhat and the boys jumped down to follow him, bellowing gleefully.

So did everyone else on the street-letting the smith lead, of course.

There was no time to think. Matt stepped back, curling his left arm as if he were holding a book and

thrusting up an imaginary torch with his right.

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free!"

They kept coming-a howling mob, charging the stranger who chanted in an arcane language.

"The wretched refuse of your teeming shore!

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me!"

They were twenty feet away and still coming, but he had to catch a breath, because he was suddenly

working uphill, pouring sweat, feeling as if he were, trying to twist some huge, invisible field of forces that

had suddenly enveloped him. He blurted out the last line:

"I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Thunder split the alley, and men screamed. Matt squeezed his eyes shut.

When he opened them, the street was filled with bodies-the living kind, crawling with lice and

festooned with rags. Every beggar in town must have been there all of a sudden-though Matt did wonder

why there were so many Orientals in a medieval European burg. And weren't those Hindus, down on the

right there?

The beggars straightened up slowly, mouths gaping open, staring around, gawking at each other. Then

the screaming started again. But it was all under a tidal wave of excited babbling.

Matt came to his senses with a start. When you fill an inside straight, cash in. He leaped into the

crowd, forcing his way through with elbows and boots. Hands groped at his belt every inch of the way,

trying to find his purse. He thanked Heaven they didn't know about pockets and clapped a hand on his

wallet as he twisted through the last rank into the clear. Then he took one deep breath and started off

walking, fast.

There was a sudden, ominous silence behind him.

Matt kept on walking.

Then someone yelled, "There goes the sorcerer! Don't let him get away!"

The mob gave one huge, delighted howl, with the thunder of hundreds of running feet underneath it.

Matt wasn't about to try the wizard act again until he'd learned who wrote the script. He ran. The

beggars gave a lusty bellow and charged, delighted to be on the chasing end for a change. Matt reminded

himself he'd been a track star in high school and leaned into it. But high school had been a long time ago.

Matt didn't try to figure out where the beggars had come from; he was too busy panting. He dimly

realized that he'd called for them-but just now they were calling for him, and he wasn't exactly eager to

oblige them.

Fortunately, the beggars weren't in any great shape, either. Matt had specified something of the sort.

He had about a two block lead when he turned the corner-and ran smack into the gendarmes, mounted

on war horses and wearing ring-on-leather iron mail.

The grizzled man in front leaned down to snag an arm as Matt went by. He had a very snug grip; it

swung Matt around to land smack against the flank of the horse. "Here now," the man growled, "where

d'ye think you're running?"

"That way!" Matt pointed the way he'd been going. "I'm trying to leave my past behind me!"

The front wave of beggars came pouring around the corner, howling. They saw the soldiers and

stopped on a shilling. Then they went sprawling as the second wave hit. Those saw the soldiers and

stopped dead in their turn. Just then the third wave hit, with the fourth coming up.

The sergeant, or whatever he was, just sat back in his saddle, watching and waiting, with the hint of a

smile under his scowl. He kept a viselike hold on Matt's arm.

When the whole mob had gotten the message and more or less stopped, the sergeant cut across the

muttering with a bull roar.

"Now, then! What happened here?" And to Matt he added, "Quite a past you have, fellow."

The mob got quiet then. A throat toward the back cleared itself, and Puffyhat came elbowing his way

importantly toward the front. "This man is a sorcerer!"

"Is he, now?" the sergeant purred. "Well, that would explain his outlandish costume. What sorceries

did he work?"

Puffyhat launched into a tale that would have done credit toWalpole , in which Matt figured largely and

luridly. It seemed Matt had brought down a thunderstorm just outside Puffyhat's shop, changed base

metal into silver, made the earth slip beneath the feet of four good citizens and true, tarnished the honor of

the nation by conjuring up a horde of unskilled workers-who would doubtless compete with the locals for

jobs-and changed an honest and worthy baker into a toad.

"That," Matt howled, "is slander! I never changed anyone into a toad!"

"But you did the rest?" He was a quick one, that sergeant.

What could Matt say? "Uh ... Well..."

"So I thought." The sergeant nodded, satisfied. "Well, then,. Master Sorcerer

"Wizard." Matt figured he'd better set the record as straight as possible. "Not sorcerer. No traffic with

the devil. None. Wizard."

The sergeant shrugged. "Wizard, then. Will ye now whisk yourself away from us in the blink of an eye?

Or come with us to the guardhouse, that our captain may judge ye?"

"Uh..." Matt glanced at the crowd. Ever since Puffyhat's crack about imported labor, they'd been

looking uglier and uglier; there was a vicious muttering passing among the townsmen which seemed to

imply that Matt would look great with an apple in his mouth.

Matt made one of those impulse decisions. "Uh, I think I'll come along with you, Sergeant."

He had a little time to think it over on the way to the guardhouse, and it all came down to one simple

question: What had happened?

Where was he? When was he? How did he get here? Where did all those beggars come from?

And what were soldiers doing patrolling a town? Why were they taking him to a captain, rather than a

magistrate?

Martial law, obviously-which meant the town had been recently conquered. But by whom? The

soldiers certainly spoke the same language as the civilians-with even the same accent, as far as Matt

could tell. It must be civil war, then, which, in a medieval society, meant one of two things-a dynastic

dispute, like the Wars of the Roses, or a usurpation.

Why wasn't the sergeant scared of a self-confessed wizard, though? Possibly he was a skeptic and

knew any kind of magic was just so much hogwash. But, considering that even most of the best-educated

among the medieval set believed wholly in magic, that didn't seem too likely. Which left the probability

that he wasn't afraid because he knew he was backed by a more powerful wizard or sorcerer.

That shouldn't have bothered Matt at all, because magic was just so much hogwash.

But where had all those beggars come from?

The captain was the tall, dark, and handsome type, with some indefinable air of the aristocrat about

him. Maybe it was the velvet robe over the gleaming chain mail.

"There is something of the outlander about you," he informed Matt.

Matt nodded. "I am an outlander."

The captain lifted his eyebrows. "Are you indeed? From what country?"

"Well, that all depends on where I am."

The captain frowned. "How could that be?"

"It's not easy, believe me. Where am I?"

The captain turned his head a little to the side, eyeing Matt warily. "How could you come here and not

know where you've come?"

"The same way you don't know where you've come to when you're going to the place you're coming

to, but you don't know how you're going or where you're coming to till you've come to the place you

were going to, so by the time that you get there, you don't know whether you're coming or going."

The captain shook his head. "I don't."

"Neither do I. So where am I?"

"But..." The captain knit his brow, trying to figure it out. Then he sighed and gave up. "Very well.

You're in the town Bordestang, capital of Merovence. Now, where do you come from?"

"I don't know."

"What?" The captain leaned forward over the rough planks of the table. "After all that? How could you

not know where you've come from?"

"Well, I'd know where it was if I were in the right place, but I'm in the wrong place, so I don't know

where it is. Or rather, I know where it is, but I don't know what it's called here. That is, if it's there."

The captain squeezed his eyes shut and gave his head a quick shake. "A moment, now. You mean to

say you do not know our name for your homeland?"

"Well, I suppose you could say that."

"Easily answered." The captain sat back, looking relieved. Matt looked over his shoulder at the

semicircle of soldiers surrounding him. The sergeant was watching him narrowly. Matt tried to hide a

shiver as he turned back to the captain.

"Tell us where your homeland is," the captain urged, "and I'll tell you our name for it."

"Well, I suppose that's a fair deal." Matt nodded judiciously. "Only one trouble-I left my map at home.

So I can't tell you which way my homeland is, till I know a little better where this country is."

The captain threw up his hands. "What must I do? Describe the whole of the continent to you?"

"Well, that would help, yes."

For a moment, Matt thought he'd pushed it too far; the captain's face turned awfully red. His brows

came down, and his temples whitened. But he managed to absorb it; his face slowly eased back to its

normal color, and he exhaled, long and slowly. Then he stood up and went to a set of shelves over

against the undressed planks of the left-hand wall. The shelves were made of undressed planking, too; so

was the whole place, for that matter. It had a very improvised air about it. Yes, definitely the war hadn't

been overlong.

"Here." The captain took down a huge parchment volume and came back to the table, leafing through

the book. He laid it down open, turning it to face Matt. Matt stepped forward to look-and gulped.

He was staring at a map ofEurope -with a few modifications. It looked like Napoleon's and Hitler's

dream world-theEnglish Channel was gone. There was a narrow neck of solid land betweenCalais

andDover .Denmark was joined toSweden , and the pebble ofSicily was clinging toItaly 's toe.

Something was definitely wrong here. Matt wondered howAustralia andNew Zealand were doing, or

theIsthmus of Panama .

He looked up at a sudden thought. "What's the climate like, there` ?" He laid a finger onLondon .

"Warmish in winter? Lots of rain? Heavy fogs?"

The captain gave him an extremely strange look. "Nay, certainly not. 'Tis a frozen waste in winter, and

the snows pile up half again the height of a man."

That settled it. "Are there, uh, ice fields that never melt anywhere there?"

The captain perked up. "Aye, so they say-in the mountains of the north. Then you've been there?"

Glaciers in theHighlands ! "No, but I've seen some pictures." No question about it, there was an Ice

Age going on. Whether it was nature's clock that was off or history's didn't really matter; it still added up

to just one thing.

Matt wasn't in his own universe.

The wind off those Scottish glaciers blew through Matt's soul, chilling him to the id. For a moment, he

was very much lost and very, very alone, and the warmly lighted windows of a summer campus dusk

were very far away.

"We are here." The captain laid a fingertip on a spot about a hundred miles east of thePyrenees and

fifty miles north of theMediterranean . "Do you know where you are now?"

Matt shook off the mood. "No. I mean-for all intents and purposes. I think so."

"Ah, good." The captain nodded, satisfied. "Then where is your homeland?"

"Oh, somewhere along about-here." Matt-stabbed a forefinger down, about two feet to the left of the

map.

The captain stared, and his face darkened. "I have tried to aid you in every way I can, sirrah, and this

is how you repay my courtesy!"

"No, no, I'm serious! There really is a land out there, about three thousand miles to the west! I was

born there. Although," Matt added as an afterthought, "I expect it's changed a good deal since I've-been

gone. In fact, I think I'd scarcely recognize it."

"There have been rumors," the sergeant said darkly.

"Aye, of an ever-warm land where the wild grape grows, ruled by a saintly wizard and filled with

fabulous monsters!" the captain snapped. "A land seen by dreamers, grown out of the dregs in their wine

cups! Surely your are not foolish enough to believe in such!"

"Oh, the tale could stand to go on a diet, I'm sure." Matt smiled slightly, suddenly very calm. "But,

even with the climate the way it is, they should still have warm winters in Louisiana; and wild Concord

grapes are a bit tart, but really very good. They do grow wizards there, or they did, when I left. We

didn't call them that, of course-but you would."

The room was suddenly very quiet, and Matt was sure that he had their fullest attention.

Christopher Stasheff - Wizard In Rhyme 01 - Her Majesty's Wizard

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