gynaecologists, rheumatologists: in short, as fine a collection of brain-dead,
ex-university rugby players as ever assembled anywhere. These people have only
one facial expression: the patronising, superior, self-satisfied smirk. The very
same smirk that appeared on their lips the day they gained admission to medical
school has come through everything since without the slightest change: gruelling
feats of rote learning and beer sculling at university; initiation by
sleep-deprivation and token poverty as residents; working long and hard on
obscure research projects for their MDs, hoping only that their superiors might
steal the credit for any interesting results, so that by accepting the theft in
silence in a ritual act of self-abasement they might prove themselves worthy to
be the colleagues of the thieves. And then, suddenly, skiing holidays, Pacific
cruises, and an endless line of patients who swoon with awe and say "Yes,
Doctor. No, Doctor. Of course I will, Doctor. Thank you. Thank you, Doctor."
Floors eleven to eighteen house a wide range of pathology labs, where every
substance or structure that might travel the bloodstream, from macrophages and
lymphocytes through to antibodies, protein hormones, carbohydrate molecules,
even individual ions, can be hunted down, tagged and counted.
Nineteen to twenty-five are filled with the offices of pharmaceuticals and
medical instrumentation firms. They pay five times the market rate for renting
space on this sleazy side of town, but it's more than worth it just to share an
address with the world-famous research team that perfected and patented
bioluminescent contact lenses (". . . triggered by minute changes in the
hormonal content of lubricating tears, Honest EyesTM glow with a subtle aura,
changing colour instantly to perfectly reflect every nuance of the wearer's
changing mood . . ."), beat the Americans, the Swiss and the Japanese to develop
the first one hundred per cent effective post-coital contraceptive cigarette,
and then, out-stripping all their past achievements in consumer biotech, went on
to produce a special chewing gum that will stain the teeth red in the presence
of salivary AIDS virus ("Share a stick with someone you love").
Twenty-six to thirty hold libraries, conference rooms, and row after row of
quiet offices, where the scientists can sit and listen to the airconditioning,
their own breathing, the sound of fingers on a keyboard in the next room. This
is the realm of pure abstraction: no test tubes here, no culture flasks or Petri
dishes, and no visible hint of the likes of me.
Thirty-one to forty is administration and marketing, and on top of that is a
simulated Viennese cafe which revolves once every ten minutes. There's a
coin-operated telescope on the rim, with which people can, and frequently do,
watch the prostitutes in leopard-skin leotards pacing the streets of nearby
Kings Cross.
I've been teasing you, haven't I, leading you astray. Upwards, ever upwards,
away from the traffic noise, away from the putrid garbage, the broken glass, the
used needles, the choking stench of urine. The building that I have described so
far rises up into the almost-fresh air, up into the sunlight, up into the blue
sky of daydreams. But don't you think there's something more? Don't you think
this building has foundations?
Underneath the shoppers are five levels of research labs. People here walk
briskly, radiating a message with every step: I'm busy, I'm highly trained, and
I have something critical incubating/concentrating/ spinning/in a column/on a
gel that I must go and check in exactly three minutes and thirty-five seconds.
Twenty-five seconds, now.
It's all happening here, no doubt about it: flow cytometry, mass spectrometry,
X-ray crystallography, high performance liquid chromatography. Nuclear magnetic
resonance. Genes are mapped, spliced, cloned, proteins are synthesised and
purified. A real hive of activity. But what's supporting it, what's holding it
up? We haven't far to go now. Be patient.
There's a level of cold-rooms and freezers.
There's a level of equipment stores, and another for chemicals.
Second-lowest is where they keep the computers. Four of them, big as elephants.
Seen from the outside they have a certain dignity, but within they're just
puppets with split personalities, twitching pathetically in a thousand different
directions as the masters upstairs tug at them impatiently, scream at them to
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