Mike Resnick - The Kemosabe

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THE KEMOSABE

by Mike Resnick

So me and the Masked Man, we decide to hook up and bring

evildoers to justice, which is a pretty full-time occupation

considering just how many of these _momzers_ there are wandering

the West. Of course, I don't work on Saturdays, but this is never

a problem, since he's usually sleeping off Friday night's binge

and isn't ready to get back in the saddle until about half past

Monday.

We get along pretty well, though we don't talk much to each

other -- my English is a little rusty, and his Yiddish is non-

existent -- but we share our food when times are tough, and we're

always saving each other's life, just like it says in the dime

novels.

Now, you'd think two guys who spend a whole year riding

together wouldn't have any secrets from each other, but actually

that's not the case. We respect each other's privacy, and it is

almost twelve months to the day after we form a team that we find

ourselves answering a call of Nature at the very same time, and I

look over at him, and I am so surprised I could just _plotz_, you

know what I mean?

It's then that I start calling him Kemosabee, and finally one

day he asks me what it means, and I tell him that it means

"uncircumcized goy", and he kind of frowns and tells me that he

doesn't know what _either_ word means, so I sit him down and

explain that Indians are one of the lost Hebrew tribes, only we

aren't as lost as we're supposed to be, because Custer and the

rest of those _meshugginah_ soldiers keeps finding us and blowing

us to smithereens. And the Kemosabee, he asks if Hebrew is a

suburb of Hebron, and right away I see we've got an enormous

cultural gap to overcome.

But what the hell, we're pardners, and we're doing a pretty

fair job of ridding the West of horse thieves and stage robbers

and other varmints, so I say, "Look, Kemosabee, you're a _mensch_

and I'm proud to ride with you, and if you wanna get drunk and

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Mike Resnick - The Kemosabe

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