Norman Spinrad - Mouse

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THE YEAR OF THE MOUSE

by Norman Spinrad

"Mess not with the Mouse."

"Mess not with the Mouse? We fly you to California business

class and install you in a luxurious hotel in Anaheim and when you are

summoned to give an account of the situation, you spout degenerate

Taoist crypticisms?"

Xian Bai managed to resist the impulse to tug at the tight collar

of his dress shirt, so uncomfortable after two weeks in Southern

California, where even high level executives felt free to attend

meetings in casual attire.

"This is not a Taoist epigram," he explained. "It is a precept

common in high American corporate circles, where it is thought highly

unwise to arouse the ire of the Disney Corporation."

Had the Deputy Minister for Overseas Cultural Relations been a

Long Nose, his pale white skin would no doubt have turned crimson with

rage. Despite the handicap of the lack of this Caucasian ability, he

managed to make his displeasure clear enough by banging his hand on

the desk with sufficient force to rattle the tea service.

"And what is the People's Republic of China, some Banana Republic

owned by the United Fruit Corporation?" the Deputy Minister shouted.

"We are a billion and a quarter people! We are the largest and

fastest growing market in the world! We have the world's largest

army! We have nuclear missiles! How dare the Mouse presume so

outrageously to mess with us!"

He calmed himself with a sip of tea and regarded Xian Bai with a

colder species of outrage. "You did make this clear with sufficient

force?"

"Indeed I did!" Xian Bai was constrained to reply firmly.

But he was dissembling. Two weeks in Anaheim to obtain a meeting

with a Vice President in charge of overseas marketing and the results

of that conversation had been enough to convince him that such force

did not exist.

"Get real, Xian," that individual had advised him. "The idea

that the Yellow Peril was gonna storm the beaches at Orlando went out

with Ronald Reagan. What are you gonna do, nuke Pirates of the

Caribbean?"

"But China is the largest consumer market in the world--"

"And you guys have been screwing us out of it since that Dalai

Lama film dust-up that cost Ovitz his job and us a bundle for the

golden parachute! You guys made a real bad career move."

The Disney Vice President glanced heavenward.

"You pissed Michael off."

"And this film is your vengeance?"

The Disney Vice President grinned like the Lion King.

"The bottom line," he said, "is always the best revenge."

The minions of the Mouse had not been reticent in allowing Xian

Bai to attend a preview screening of THE LONG MARCH, though at the

reception afterward--white wine, simple dim sum, lo mein noodles,

barbecued spare ribs--a disgruntled American reporter had complained

that this was the "B-list" screening, those privileged to enjoy "A-

list" prerogatives being treated to lobster, caviar, and champagne.

This mattered not to Xian Bai, since the film itself had quite

destroyed his appetite--being an animated cartoon version of the

heroic Long March of the Chinese Revolution, dripping with syrupy

music, festooned with Busby Berkley choreography, and featuring Chou

En Lai as a fox, Chiang Kai Shek as a mongoose, the People's Army as

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Norman Spinrad - Mouse

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