Orson Scott Card - Heal Thyself

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HEAL THYSELF

by Orson Scott Card

There's a limit to how much you can shield your children from the harsh

realities of life. But you can't blame parents who try. Especially when

it's something you have to go out of your way to discuss. My parents assure

me that they would have talked about it someday, but it's not like the birds

and the bees-there's not a certain age when you have to know. They were

letting it slide. I was a curious kid. I had already asked questions that

could have led there. They dodged. They waffled. I understand.

But then my childhood friend, Elizio, died of complications from his leukemia

vaccination. I had been given mine on the same day, right after him, after

jostling in line for twenty-minutes with the rest of our class of ten-year-olds.

Nobody else got sick. We didn't know anything was wrong with Elizio, either,

not for months. And then the radiation and the chemotherapy; primitive

holdovers from an era when medicine was almost indistinguishable from the

tortures of the Inquisition. Nothing worked. Elizio died. He was eleven by

then. A slow passage into the grave. And I demanded to know why.

They started to talk about God, but I told them I knew about heaven and I

wasn't worried about Elizio's soul. I wanted to know why there wasn't some

better way to prevent diseases than infecting us with semi-killed

pseudoviruses mixed with antigen stimulants. Was this the best the human

race could do? Didn't God give us brains so we could solve these things?

Oh, I was full of righteous wrath.

That was when they told me that it was time for me to take a trip to the

North American Wild Animal Park What did that have to do with my question?

It will all become clear, they said. But I should see with my own eyes. Thus

they turned from telling me nothing to telling me everything. Were they wise?

I know this much: I was angry at the universe, a deep anger that was born of

fear. My dear friend Elizio had been taken from me because our medicine was

so primitive. Therefore anyone could die. My parents. My little sisters.

My own children someday. Nothing was secure. And it pissed me off. The way

I felt, the way I was acting, I think they believed that nothing but a

complete answer, a visual experience, could restore my sense that this was,

if not a perfect world, then at least the best one possible.

We left Saltillo that weekend, taking the high-speed train that connected

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Orson Scott Card - Heal Thyself

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