
GODFELLAS, OR, VIC TAKES A ROOM AT THE MAGELLAN
anoriginal short story by RachelCaine
I suppose you might say I died happy.Couple bottles of gin, a hooker who looked exactly like Julia
Roberts, and one cigarette too many. See, I was laying there in the afterglow, lighting up, not paying any
attention, when the door opened and JimmyCassoli came in with his two ugly cousins and put a couple of
.375 hollow points through my forehead.
Didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would – big noise, big flash of light, and then it was all over but the
crying. That was the hooker crying, ‘causeshe had to get the hell out of the room without her best pair of
fuck-me shoes. JimmyCassoli must have known her or something because he didn’t pop her on the way
out, or maybe he was just more interested in making sure I wasn’t going to get up and follow her.
While they were going through my wallet for the green and grabbing up my working gun – I really hated
that, I loved that .45 – I realized I wasn’t actually laying there looking up at them anymore. I was
standing next to them, but it was like Iwasn’t standing there, because they didn’t see me. I took a swing
atCassoli , who wasyucking it up how I’d pissed the bed, but it didn’t connect. I kept trying, though;
nobody screws with VicDonato like that without paying for it.
Except maybe JimmyCassoli , who slapped his cousins on the back and took them down the stairs, out
for an evening of lasagna and big-man bragging. I was left standing there, fists ready and nobody to slam
them into except that poor bastard on the bed, who I then realized might really be me.
I had to sit down. See, that guy on the bed that looked like me wasn’t dead yet. Going, you know, but
not gone. Blood kept pumping, lungs kept filling,eyes kept staring straight up.Die , I kept thinking, like I
was the hitter, not thehittee . Only the guy on the bed didn’t die, not then. Not that quick. Took another
fifteen minutes for the cops to show up, guns drawn, take a look at him -- me -- laid out bleeding into the
bed, and call for an ambo.
So for the next twenty minutes or so firemen, cops, paramedics, goddamn Boy Scout trooped around
my fucked-up near corpse like ants around a picnic. Hell, I was the biggest tourist attraction since Father
CarmineOzowski hung himself from the sprinkler head while wearing a black leather teddy. Speaking of
priests, one of the cops – BillyTorreti , we’d been altar boys together – came up with one, dragged his
drunk holy ass out of some othershithole room, I guess, ‘cause I remember Billy propping the Father up
while he made the sign of the cross and gave me unction. At which point, I started shaking all over and
leaking brains out of the great big hole in the back of my head.
I felt it, that exact second when the guy on the bed ceased to be me and started being a decomposing
pile of meat. I felt it, but nothing happened. I didn’t zip off to heaven, or hell, or into the light with my
dead friends.
Nothing.
Happened.Not to me.
Eventually, the room got sorted out. Coroner carted out my smoking corpse, trailing cops and crying
hookers like a Saint Paddy’s day parade. I was already forgotten by everybody except the maid, who
was going to have to wipe soot off the walls and put in a new air freshener.Baddabing ,badda boom.