Robert A Heinlein - Notebooks Of Lazarus Long

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From The Notebooks of Lazarus Long -- Robert A. Heinlein

Always store beer in a dark place.

By the data to date, there is only one animal in the galaxy dangerous to man

-- man himself. so he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no

enemy to help him.

Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you

can't win.

Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.

Always listen to the experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why.

Then do it.

Get a shot off FAST. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second

shot perfect.

There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. but there is no evidence

of any sort against it. Soon enough you will KNOW. So why fret about it?

If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.

It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another -- but

WHICH ONE? Differences are crucial.

A fake fortune-teller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be

shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.

Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's

beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning

them at birth.

Most "scientists" are bottle washers and button sorters.

A "pacifist male" is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described

"pacifists" are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind

changes, they hoist the Jolly roger.

Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman's breasts; it enhances their

charm by making them look lived in and happy.

A generation that ignores history has no past -- and no future.

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!

Small change can often be found under seat cushions.

History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational

basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the

unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and

spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from

fiddling with it.

It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.

If you don't like yourself, you CAN'T like other people.

Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may

offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate --

and quickly.

A motion to adjourn is always in order.

No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in

the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons;

"Come back with your shield, or on it." Later on, this custom declined. So did

Rome.

Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing,

"blasphemy" is the most amazing -- with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure"

fighting it out for second and third place.

Cheops' Law: Nothing EVER gets built on schedule or within budget.

It is better to copulate than never.

All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young

children. All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly

which can -- and must -- be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime

function. As racial survival is the ONLY universal morality, no other basic is

possible.

Attempts to formulate a "perfect society" on any foundation other than "Women

and children first!" is not only witless, it is automatically genocidal.

Nevertheless, starry-eyed idealists (all of them male) have tried endlessly --

and no doubt will keep on trying.

All men are created unequal.

Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.

A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate.

There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk.

When the need arises -- and it does -- you must be able to shoot your own

dog. Don't farm it out -- that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it worse.

Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation

is for monks.

It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still

to be a live lion. And usually easier.

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more

sanitary.

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