Robert Reed - Like Need Deserve

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Like, Need, Deserve

by Robert Reed

"What interests you today, good sir?"

"An audience. I'd like to buy one."

"And for whom is the audience intended?"

"Just me. It's not a gift or anything."

"Excuse me, sir. But aren't you entitled to the occasional gift?"

"I guess I am."

"Our best gifts are often those we give ourselves."

"You've got a point there."

"Well, thank you." Amiable, effervescent laughter. "Now if I may ask, what's the purpose of this audience?"

"Comedy."

"You wish them to be funny?"

"No, no. I want to tell jokes and make them laugh."

"Of course. I was just joking with you, sir."

"Oh."

"By chance, are you a naturally funny person?"

"I don't know."

"Not particularly, I should think."

"Is that a problem?"

"It's a parameter. A stricture. One of many factors, and I believe we can work around it."

"I don't want a stupid audience."

"I don't make stupid audiences. Sir."

"Or kids. I bought another audience, from a different source. Three dozen six-year-olds in a playroom, and all I had to do was read knock-knock jokes."

"Ah. The venerable knock-knock."

A pause. Then, "Are you real?"

Laughter again, but less amiable.

"I was just wondering. It's hard to tell these days. The technology … it's so easy to manufacture AIs …"

"'Manufacture' is a rather inadequate word. Sir."

"Sorry."

"I don't 'manufacture' audiences."

"I said I'm sorry."

"I culture my people. On a template of human-inspired personality features, I can produce up to a thousand coherent individuals, each with individual quirks, distinct appreciations, and highly defined talents."

"Yeah. I know how it's done."

"Each face that you will see covers a viable, legal pseudohuman."

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Robert Reed - Like Need Deserve

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