
she had chosen to take the risk. Just three times, three different boys, only one time each,
all three of them English and white.
Andy. Eddie. Richie.
Names that blazed like bonfires in the neural pathways of her soul.
Her mother -- no, not really her mother; her true mother had died when Yasmeena was
three; this was Aissha, her father's second wife, the robust and stolid woman who had raised
her, had held the family and the restaurant together all these years -- had given her warnings
too, but they had been couched in entirely different terms. "You are a woman now,
Yasmeena, and a woman is permitted to allow herself some pleasure in life," Aissha had told
her. "But you must be careful." Not a word about sin, just taking care not to get into
trouble.
Well, Yasmeena had been careful, or thought she had, but evidently not careful enough.
Therefore she had failed Aissha. And failed her sad quiet father too, because she had
certainly sinned despite all his warnings to remain virtuous, and Allah now would punish her for
that. Was punishing her already. Punishing her terribly.
She had been very late discovering she was pregnant. She had not expected to be.
Yasmeena wanted to believe that she was still too young for bearing babies, because her
breasts were so small and her hips were so narrow, almost like a boy's. And each of those
three times when she had done It with a boy -- impulsively, furtively, half reluctantly, once in
a musty cellar and once in a ruined omnibus and once right here in this very storeroom -- she
had taken precautions afterward, diligently swallowing the pills she had secretly bought from
the smirking Hindu woman at the shop in Winchester, two tiny green pills in the morning and
the big yellow one at night, five days in a row.
The pills were so nauseating that they had to work. But they hadn't. She should never
have trusted pills provided by a Hindu, Yasmeena would tell herself a thousand times over; but
by then it was too late.
The first sign had come only about four months before. Her breasts suddenly began to
fill out. That had pleased her, at first. She had always been so scrawny; but now it seemed
that her body was developing at last. Boys liked breasts. You could see their eyes quickly
flicking down to check out your chest, though they seemed to think you didn't notice it when
they did. All three of her lovers had put their hands into her blouse to feel hers, such as they
were; and at least one -- Eddie, the second -- had actually been disappointed at what he
found there. He had said so, just like that: "Is that _all_?"
But now her breasts were growing fuller and heavier every week, and they started to
ache a little, and the dark nipples began to stand out oddly from the smooth little circles in
which they were set. So Yasmeena began to feel fear; and when her bleeding did not come
on time, she feared even more. But her bleeding had never come on time. Once last year it
had been almost a whole month late, and she an absolute pure virgin then.
Still, there were the breasts; and then her hips seemed to be getting wider. Yasmeena
said nothing, went about her business, chatted pleasantly with the customers, who liked her
because she was slender and pretty and polite, and pretended all was well. Again and again
at night her hand would slide down her flat boyish belly, anxiously searching for hidden life
lurking beneath the taut skin. She felt nothing.
But something was there, all right, and by early October it was making the faintest of
bulges, only a tiny knot pushing upward below her navel, but a little bigger every day.
Yasmeena began wearing her blouses untucked, to hide the new fullness of her breasts and
the burgeoning rondure of her belly. She opened the seams of her trousers and punched two
new holes in her belt. It became harder for her to do her work, to carry the heavy trays of
food all evening long and to put in the hours afterward washing the dishes, but she forced
herself to be strong. There was no one else to do the job. Her father took the orders and
Aissha did the cooking and Yasmeena served the meals and cleaned up after the restaurant
closed. Her brother Khalid was gone, killed defending Aissha from a mob of white men during
the riots that had broken out after the Entities came, and her sister Leila was too small, only
five, no use in the restaurant.
No one at home commented on the new way Yasmeena was dressing. Perhaps they
thought it was the current fashion. Life was very strange, in these early years of the
Conquest.
Her father scarcely glanced at anyone these days; preoccupied with his failing
restaurant and his failing health, he went about bowed over, coughing all the time, murmuring
prayers endlessly under his breath. He was forty years old and looked sixty. Khan's Mogul