
Daiya watched her friend, knowing Mausi was just as frightened, though she would not admit it. She
suddenly felt protective toward the other girl. Mausi smiled, sensing Daiya’s feelings, and shook her
head, as if telling her not to worry.
They ate quickly, gnawing the meat off the bones. Mausi wiped her hands on her tunic, then lay down,
curling her trousered legs, resting her head on her hands. — Good night, Daiya —
There was a mental barrier around Mausi’s mind now, blocking any thoughts from reaching Daiya and
protecting her from being disturbed by her dreams. Daiya withdrew into herself, surprised once again at
how easy it was to do so. She withdrew a lot lately. Maybe there was something wrong with her. She did
not even like to share many thoughts with her parents any more.
She wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on the rough fabric covering her knees. Suddenly
she wished she were younger again, as young as her sister Silla, or else that she were old and past her
ordeal. She wondered if she was really ready for the passage. Anra and Brun said she was; she was
becoming a woman, and fourteen was the usual age, though some people were ready at twelve and
others, the boys usually, when they were fifteen or even sixteen.
Anra had looked at her one day and thought: — You’re ready, Daiya — That had been the day Daiya,
in a fit of rage at Silla, had made the pot fly up to the rafters, forgetting all the training she had in
controlling herself. She had picked up Silla, too, holding her suspended in the air upside down while the
younger girl screamed, then spinning her around while Silla, trying to defend herself, made a chair zip
across the floor, almost hitting Daiya. She had put Silla down gently after that, and had run from the hut in
tears, certain she was going mad.
She had learned to control her monthly bleeding very quickly and would soon have control over
ovulation, as the older women did, so they could choose when to become pregnant. She was even
getting used to her breasts, those fleshy protuberances that often ached and seemed to get in her way;
she frequently wished for a skinny, flat frame like Mausi’s. But her feelings were like a flooding river out
of control, threatening to overrun its banks. She would feel them welling up inside her, ready to rush
forth. She would open her mouth and babble in words instead of thoughts, her training deserting her
when she needed it most. At other times, she would build her mental wall and retreat behind it, shocking
herself with her desire to be alone.
The fire flickered. Sparks danced on the stones around it. She sniffed at the smoky smell of the charred
embers. She picked up one of the large pieces of wood next to Mausi, floated it over the sleeping girl’s
body, then lowered it carefully into the flames.
Alone. She shuddered at the thought. People were once alone; so went the legends. Sometimes a child
would say or think the word to shock his parents, or call a playmate a solitary, a sure way to get
someone mad. But she was never really alone, not even out here with Mausi sleeping and the village far
away. She could close her mind and no one would intrude, but the Net was always there, the web of the
village’s minds, a dimly felt presence just below her consciousness. It bound them all together; as she
grew older, it would become stronger, until she became a Merging Self like the older people whose
children were grown. She might even in time become strong enough to have a tenuous mental bond with
another village, as some of the Merging Selves did. That was what she was supposed to want. She
wondered if she did.
She lay down and closed her eyes, trying to will herself to sleep. It was easier to sleep out here, away
from the almost nightly disturbances of Silla, who hadn’t quite learned how to keep her dreams from
waking up everyone in the hut. She twisted a bit on the ground, trying to get comfortable. She worried
too much, that was her problem. She had to stop it. She had to concern herself only with getting strong