
than to make her laugh. Unfortunately, my father was also a man destined to be
a mediocre-to-rotten businessman. By the time I became fully aware of him, he
had bombed at a large number of jobs, so both he and my mother were satisfied
that he'd become the town's only (and thereby "successful") taxi owner. Mama,
although shorter-tempered and less forgiving than Dad, was luckily not one who
cared very much about wealth or material things. As long as bills were paid,
there was sufficient food and clothing for the family, and a little was left
over for each of our "vices" (my eating Chinese food, their buying a
television set or going to movies every weekend), then life was okay. I cannot
remember her ever badgering him for ending up where he did. In retrospect I
don't think she was proud of him, but she loved him and considered herself
wise for having chosen a man she liked talking to, one who smiled with genuine
delight on seeing her every night when he came home.
My childhood memories are rather vague, but that's probably because I
was safe and content much of the time. I remember sitting in Lee's Restaurant
and looking out the window at our house. I remember playing catch with a
Wiffle ball with Dad. When the white ball floated through the air toward me,
he made it talk. "Outta my Way! Here comes the Wiffler!"
My father always had time to play, my mother bought only the best
colored pencils and paper when she understood how important drawing was to me.
They loved me and wanted me to be whole. What more can we ask from another
human being?
When my brother Saul was born, I was already twelve years old and more
on my parents' side of the fence than his. As a result, he grew up with two
parents and an intermediary, rather than a full-fledged brother who gave him
noogies or made his life happily miserable. By the time I went to college,
Saul was only six and beginning elementary school. It was not until a decade
later when he was a teenager and I was working in New York that we developed
any kind of relationship.
A writer friend recently published an autobiographical novel that was
badly reviewed. She told me, "I'm not angry because it flopped: I'm angry
because I used up my childhood on that book."
The idea is amusing, but I find it hard to believe anyone could "use up"
their childhood on anything, no matter how old we get. Like some kind of
personal Mount Olympus, our youth is where the only gods we ever created live.
It is where our imagination and belief were strongest, where we were innocent
before turning gullible, then cynical. Whether we remember in detail or only
small bits, it is inexhaustible.
Luckily for my father, we lived in a town full of hills. Commuters
getting off the train in the evening would take a look at the two-hundred-step
staircase up to the town center and plod tiredly over to Dad's black four-door
Ford. He knew many of the people by name and, leaning over the top of the car,
would greet these rumpled men with a thump on the roof and a "Come on, Frank.
Last thing you need now is to climb those stairs."
I often rode with him and was assigned the job of jumping out when we'd
arrived and opening the back door for the customer. Sometimes they'd tip me a
dime or a quarter, but more than the tip, I enjoyed being there to hear what
was said during the ride to their homes. These were successful people, owners
of big houses with river views, two cars, sometimes even a tennis court or a
swimming pool. I knew their kids from school, but generally they were a
snobby, aloof bunch. In contrast, their parents, because they were either
tired and in the mood for comfortable small talk or just plain adrift in their
well-appointed lives, talked to my father about many surprising things. He was
a good listener and at times unusually perceptive. All the way across these
years I think, by their remembered silences and nodding heads, that he might
have helped some of them with what he said.
Once while home on vacation from college, I was with him when he took a
woman named Sally O'Hara from the station. She had a notorious husband who
slept with just about any woman in town with a pulse. Unfortunately, Mrs.
O'Hara was one of those people who would tell anyone within hearing distance